Those Eyes...

I’ve killed thirty seven men and nineteen women. Shocked? I’m only telling the truth; I’m not trying to make excuses; I’m not going to tell you that they deserved to die or that they were bad people. The truth is I didn’t know or care if they were good or bad. Fact of it is that people willing to pay a lot of money wanted them dead so I obliged. Killing comes natural to me; I have a knack for it. Guns, knives, poison or even my bare hands – it’s easy. They say that you always remember the first and the last. Truth is I don’t remember any of their faces; they sort of slide out of my mind like water down a drain right after the mark’s been excised. I don’t need to remember them.

Right about now you’re judging me; deciding that I’m evil… Know what I don’t give a rat’s piss what any of you fuckers think of me.

But I care what she thinks.

She thinks I’m a good man. She told me that she could see my soul through my eyes and it was a pure one.

Know what I see when I look at those eyes in the mirror? Nothing; no soul, no good, no bad, nothing. I don’t look at my eyes anymore; the only time I look in a mirror is to shave.
But when I look in her eyes… I see the impossible; I see what she sees.

I should’ve never gotten as close as I did. One clean shot from half a mile away and I would’ve never looked in those eyes. But I was curious; why was the client willing to pay a cool two million pounds to excise this beautiful young woman?

I started following her, like I always did with a mark; learn their routine, their habits; pick the best time and place… That’s why they come to me; I do it clean and tidy; no muss, no fuss.

That’s when I got curious; as far as I could tell she wasn’t a threat to anyone. She went from her cramped, shitty little bed-sit to University then back again or to the little bistro café where she worked as a waitress between classes.

I did some digging; she was an orphan, no family that could have pissed someone off enough for a revenge killing. She didn’t have a lover that I could tell, not that many friends either. There was no reason anyone could want her excised.

I should’ve completed the contract then; it was none of my business why someone wanted it done; my job was to do it.

But I started visiting the bistro; watched her as I drunk my coffee and ate my croissant. It was on my third visit that she sat down across the table from me. She leaned her elbow on the table, cupping her chin in her hand. That was the first time I looked into those eyes.
I said nothing; did nothing but continued to sup at my espresso but she was relentless. It felt like she was reading me like a book. For the first time in my life I was… uncertain. Some buried instinct made me want to run away from her but I was a prisoner of those eyes…

‘I’ve been trying to figure you out.’ She said quietly.

It would’ve been so easy to reach out and snap her neck; my hand actually started to move to do it despite the fact that there were at least a dozen witnesses.

‘What’s there to figure out?’ I asked in return.

‘Why you’ve been watching me, following me.’There was no sense of fear or anger in her voice; she’d said it matter-of-factly, like it was nothing important.

I knew she hadn’t seen me. I was too good at what I did; nobody saw me ever; not unless I wanted them to. I knew she hadn’t seen me but when I looked in those eyes… I wasn’t so sure.

‘You haven’t denied it.’ Still the same even tone to her voice.

I said nothing but stood to leave. Her hand shot out and grabbed my wrist; there was no strength to the grip but I couldn’t pull my hand away and she stopped me dead.

‘I won’t fight you, I won’t run and hide and I won’t tell anyone what you’re going to do. I’ll be waiting at the bed-sit tonight. The door will be unlocked.’

Before I could say or do anything she released her grip and disappeared into the back of the bistro. Where her skin had touched mine it felt like it was encased in ice…

She knew what I was; she knew what I was going to do… My first instinct was that it was a trap and a very crude one. I went straight to her bed-sit and climbed in through the skylight. It was empty; there was no-one, no sign of anything out of the ordinary. I was tempted to wait there for her but realised that wouldn’t be in my best interests; I could quickly find myself trapped and then I would have to kill others. Not that the prospect bothered me; I just wasn’t getting paid for it.

I left through the front door, pulling it closed behind me. The empty warehouse across the street was a tempting hide but it was too obvious and there was only one exit so I discounted it. There was a house two doors down though, the sound of the radio coming through the open window.

I waited until the street was clear and knocked on the door. A middle aged man answered but before he could speak I hit him hard on the temple and he collapsed into my arms. I dragged him inside and closed the door behind us, listening for the sounds that would indicate there was someone else inside while I checked his pulse. Like I said I don’t mind killing – if I’m paid for it – killing for free is unprofessional. He was alive and there was no sign that there was anybody else in the house so I tied him up with a torn up towel and gagged him before dumping him in the bathroom then settled in front of the window. All I had to do was excise the mark and everything would be back to normal.

It was already dark when she came down the street; she was alone, that much I was sure of and there had been no sign of anything out of the ordinary for the five hours I had waited. I’d deliberately kept the house in darkness and was standing back from the window so that not even a shadow would show but she still stopped and turned to look directly at the window. Directly at me. I could feel those eyes searching… I stood rooted to the spot; it felt like there was no wall, no window between us. Before I could do anything she turned back to her door opening it and stepping through. She didn’t close it behind her.

I stayed where I was for another three hours watching the door and street. A few cars went past, a couple walking a dog went by the window, the woman laughing at something the man said.
I knew then that I should back off, that I should make my own choice as to when I excised her. But that open door kept drawing my eyes. If I finished it tonight…

I went out the back door across three gardens then came up the street. I walked past the open door the first time. The parked cars were all empty, there was no-one on the street from one end to the other and no-one but the girl had gone into the bed-sit since I’d left it I knew that much.

As I came back down the street I ducked into the open door, closing it quietly behind me. The hallway was empty as were the stairs leading up to her door but I remained where I was listening to the roaring silence.

I began to feel the first tingling anticipation then, every sense became tuned to the hunt as I moved silently up the stairs. Her door was at the top of the stairs and as I moved up I could see that it too stood ajar. I stopped on the landing but still there was no sense of anything out of the ordinary – apart from the open door.
‘…The door will be unlocked…’ Her words from earlier seemed to sound in my ears.

She was playing me, I knew that. But she had almost certainly underestimated me; whatever game she was playing I would still finish the job and then her face would fade like all the others had before her.

I stepped into the bed-sit closing the door behind me and locking it.

She was sitting on the sofa; there was only a small table lamp on but even with that I could see that she was alone.

I should’ve excised her then before she could turn those eyes on me…

‘I’m ready.’

My eyes moved around the bed-sit and came back to hers but I didn’t… ‘Why do they want you dead?’ I demanded.

‘It doesn’t matter why the mark has to be excised.’ That same infuriatingly calm voice.

‘It’s nothing personal.’ I walked over to her.

True to her word she didn’t make any move to run. She didn’t cry out when I put my hands around her neck…

I understand why they wanted her dead now. Two million was nowhere near enough money.

I don’t look in the mirror anymore; I don’t like what I see there but I do like what I see in her eyes. She sees a good man.

I’ve killed the five others they sent to kill her after me. A voice in my mind tells me that these aren’t the actions of a good man but I won’t let anyone harm her.

The greatest ecstasy and the worst agony imaginable is finding out what you truly are; whether you like it or not. One look in those eyes is all it takes. She sees what you are and after that you can’t be anything else.