Life Is Short

By littlewinter

Tue, 14 Sep 2010
  • 1855 reads
10 comments
 

Lets make yours shorter,
cock the gun
and pull the trigger.
Make haste, be quick
it's time for slaughter,
I'll build you a tomb
from brick and mortar.

Certificate 12
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by russiandoll on
Sinister! Only critique might be that 'out of' on your last line might flow better if replaced with 'from'. A dark and shivery piece, well done :)

 

Submitted by littlewinter on
thanks for the critique! is that better? :) changed 'make' to 'build' too. thought it sounded better.

 

Submitted by young_choose_life on
Good stuff :) xxx

Submitted by russiandoll on
Fab :) and still chilling! lol

 

Submitted by Nolan on
There was a man. He was born, he lived and he died. The End.
 

Submitted by Tom Brown on
A fascinating story. Almost feels like you knew the guy.
 

Submitted by Nolan on
Charlie Brown?
 

Submitted by young_choose_life on
ThIs is so good!! Your reads are just going up and up! Xxx

Submitted by Beeme on
I really like this, chilling and really well written in my opinion :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Nolan on
Thanks!