Online to Bangkok

Part One

Online to Bangkok

This all started when I was spending a lot of time on-line preparing for the final part of a university course. Holding down a job as well as the coursework, preparing assignments and researching on the internet was pretty hard going. Occasionally I would have to take a break to untangle the braincells and quite enjoyed a quick random surf or visit to an internet chat room, clearing my mind then starting again. One evening while observing a chatroom I had just logged onto I was invited to have a private chat by someone already there. I said ok, sure, why not? We just exchanged hi's, where are you? It turns out she's in Bangkok.......we exchange wows, harmless chit-chat, and the suchlike for a while. Eventually she's tired and I want to get some more work done so we say goodbye, see you again; then she says "can I send you a pic of me because I think you are very nice". I say sure why not and give her an e-mail address. We finally say bye, nice chat, must do it again and log off. I carried on where I had left off with my internet research and bing! ten minutes later I've got mail with a jpeg attached; she's standing there looking exquisite in a red suit, long black hair, almond eyes and alluring smile. Bang, I'm hooked. A half hour chat in the backwoods of the world wild web and a picture that could have been clipped from a magazine. My jaw dropped but then I began to rock back and forth on the chair laughing...... what a hoot! Love at first byte?

So it was time for some serious work. Put it to the back of my mind, or try to anyway. Must get back into study before the assignment deadline looms up, work tomorrow morning....... mmm wouldn't harm to stick her picture up. Print it out and she's pinned to the wall behind the monitor, now I can gaze at her while waiting for pages to load. She's beautiful. I know from our brief keyboard encounter that she's intelligent, types fast with a quick mind and passable english. My head is filled with curiosity about her character, background and life. Why did she think I was worth the bother? Nah, this is a wind up, probably some spotty adolescent trying it on with a different angle from the usual bunch who just want to spew out rude words and rubbish.Yup, that's it. Back to a couple more hours work, a pint and to bed. I take the print off the wall and put it in the paper recycle tray.

A couple days later at home in the evening I am just about to get into a marathon session catching up with coursework and as I am logging on, up pops 'contact online' and I realise that I've added my recent chat companion to my contacts list. A Freudian slip of the mouse? All the thoughts from forty-eight hours ago came flooding back. Curiosity got the better of me and I sent a chat invite. A smiley and hi appear on-screen. By the time I had finished typing hi, struggling to type out a smiley I fumble, hit return and send her :-. Back comes 'hahaha lol' We start to chat, just lighthearted banter really, all clean everyday stuff -"what time are you.... what is your weather like.. what music do you like........" - no rude words or innuendo but a gradual, polite development from the mundane to more personal areas..... like at a party where you have just been introduced to a freind of a freind.

Suddenly I realise I've lost an hour and half of study time, damn; it only seemed like ten minutes. Oh well I can carry on chatting but try and do some downloading so I can work offline a bit later. I type out 'back in ten' and she replies with a smiley, so I click off, set up a bulk download and returning to our private chat room. There she is bright as a button. This is just the tonic I need to take my mind off everyday worries and I could justify continuing the chat session while I was 'working' downloading files, then I thought 'hang on a minute, 6-7 hours time difference, 'she' is chatting to me in the early hours over in Bangkok. Meanwhile she asks me if I would like another picture, one of her family as we had been talking families, so I say sure, complimenting her on the portrait she had already sent.

As the file was arriving, slowly due to the download already in progress , my mind was busy working overtime wondering what was going on here. I was a bit embarrased at not being able to offer a jpeg of myself back, not having a scanner or webcam at home. Then I thought 'why the hell worry when its probably some sort of joker'. My mind raced back through the three or four hours we had chatted together looking for any clues to the real identity of this virtual femme fatale. Everything had been normal, respectable even - a rarity on the internet chat scene in itself, now this beautiful stranger was sending me another unsolicited personal picture. Without asking, hinting or probing for anything in return, seemingly from a desire to be an e-pal with someone from a foreign land. Fine by me. What had she got from me? An assumed chat room nickname and public e-mail address is the only thing she has and here I am watching another hi-res jpeg unroll down my screen.

This time it is a family group, four bright young girls surrounding a weather worn but distinguished looking mother.

Females by email

I sat gazing at the picture for a few minutes comparing the faces with the portrait which was now pinned back up on the wall, trying to guess the ages of the girls, who's who, how old are the photographs. They look like a devoted family with three of the young girls leaning towards their mother sat proudly in the centre, the look on her face suggesting that underneath the wrinkles lies an attentive tiger, ready at half a moments notice to unsheath her claws and defend her offspring. The girls all show exuberance and poise combined in a girl next door kind of way, the one I guess to be the eldest sat a little aloof from the others, in smarter clothes than her younger sisters.

Ping! A message alert tells me I've got another line of chat from Kung who is getting a little impatient waiting for me to finish downloading her new picture. I thank her for sending it and try to think of tactful ways to glean more information about her and her family - and why she should be so interested in a guy like me from a foreign land. I have little or no knowledge about Thailand and this lady intrigued me, I suddenly had a 'twinge', a feeling, vague at first but then kind of more defined when I thought back to how our sessions seemed to evaporate time; it was a distant feeling of being hypnotised.

How can you be hypnotised by interaction with a keyboard, monitor and phone line? How can a mature guy with a wealth of life experience become so immediately hooked into a virtual relationship with a virtual stranger who in all probability is the figment of someone else's strange imagination? Strange indeed. I started to think back then 'uh oh what's going on here'. I haven't got time right now to carry on wasting hours chatting on the interenet with something, I don't know what it is - male, female, joker or psycho. Somehow the chat seemed so innocent and natural. The sense of humour was great and the broken english Kung used was quite endearing. She/he/it was quite ready to reveal personal details to me without it being reciprocated on my part and I mused that it could equally be me who is the monster. I couldn't think of anything in our chat sessions that indicated this was a hoax. I didn't realise at the time that this was to develop into an ongoing thing that would involve hours of chat and hundreds of e-mails.

As time went by I started to think that if it was a set up it was indeed a really ellaborate one, involving hours of time and commitment, and still I didn't give anything back. It was all one way traffic - her sending me pictures and revealing details of her personal life while I'm joking around, telling little about myself and certainly not giving out any personal details. I even warned her about giving her stuff away like that, I had in mind recent cases of the internet being used by paedophiles and murderers. She said it was ok as she thought that I'm a nice person. I won't dispute that though maybe i would in a monday morning bad mood. Well, we're back to the 'is this genuine' question.

I thought about it and decided to carry on, I would try and work at the same time during our sessions and anyway they made me feel good, taking my mind off other problems, I was starting to look forward to the next time we could be together online.

I had established a routine of study on my computer early in the morning before going to work, thinking I could really crack into the final modules if I did additional hours to those I could manage in the evenings. I set the alarm for 5.30 which gives me a good two hours before breakfast, wash, and commute. Deadly boring - unless you've got a beautiful Thai lady to day dream about. So I go online and Ping there she is already logged on and has invited me for a chat. Could I refuse? I was late for work that morning. I didn't do any study either. What did we chat about? I tried to remember on the way to work. Apart from starting off with smiley's, how are you's and what's the weather like? I couldn't remember anything of what we had chatted about during our three and a half hours online.

One thing was sure; this person calling herself Noy was getting under my skin in an extraodinary way. In an extremely short space of time and all conveyed across the internet with a keyboard and text processor.

Having whetted my appetite for Thailand I set out to find out all I could. The chat sessions carried on, developing into a routine of early morning and evening sessions my time; lunchtime and late night Kung's time. I was reasonably able to surf websites, write and have a relaxed chat with Kung at the same time. When we first started up she would usually say that she was at home using her sisters computer then one day she informs me that they had a row and she wouldn't let her use it anymore so she had to go to an intenet cafe for our sessions. There we were in near daily contact, talking about our mundane lives and seemingly growing quite fond of each other. We had never met, we're thousands of miles apart and connected by keyboard.

The summer was rolling by with stormclouds all round, literally. The deadline for my thesis was getting closer and I am obsessed with an online virtual romance! Making sense? None whatsoever.

The crunch

Something was going to give, soon. The only problem really was that the final deadline was looming up and I wasn't sure whether I could make it. No extensions for this one. Hell, I didn't care about work so much, they could stick it - I'm positive they would give me the shove as easily as blinking and pick up the phone to the agency. Nothing to lose sleep over there. No, I was more concerned about not blowing away the years I had put in to get this far with my studies.

I was gradually getting to know Kung more, we had established a rapport that let us open up to each other bit by bit, like a flower opening its petals for the first time or so I thought at that time. Despite her wicked sense of humour I began to notice sometimes that she was not always her usual happy self, it was a difficult subject to discuss with her as she would deny it or just say 'what you mean' but I could tell something was not quite right at her end. Eventually she tells me that she has lost her job and had an argument with her sister over rent for the tiny room they share. I could practically see the tears flowing down the telephone lines, into my cpu and out over the keyboard. She was serious. I tried placating her saying it'll be alright, things will get better... I was thinking 'I'm sure your own family won't chuck you out on the street' but didn't say it. She seemed to brighten up after a while and we returned to lighter hearted conversation. It played on my mind. Here I was in the western world where I could win or lose as much money on a round of cards as Noy would earn in a week working for the Thai government. My conscience had pricked me. Noy was over the other side of the world and about to become destitute. I even thought of wiring some money to her to help out and then some of the doubts about being set up crept back in. No! I would have to look into this deeper before I seriously considered doing something like that.

The routine continued except the late night sessions stopped after the argument with her sister and most weekdays Kung would be waiting for me to log on, early my time. Weekends we would usually both be away, her to visit relatives and me out with the gang drinking and raving it up. But there she was on the Monday or Tuesday, waiting. It made me feel good, problems were melting away, I had nearly completed my studies and I didn't give a damn about getting the sack. Kungs luck seemed to be changing too, she had started going to school. I asked her what she was studying and she said English, so I said cool, I can help you if you want, just ask. She says cool and we decide to help each other, her telling me about some Thai words and me giving her pointers, anything she wants to ask. Sweetness and light. I was falling for this lady and our chat and email were becoming a part of my emotional life. Sod the bus and train for work, just a few more minutes online, close with my Noy... well close with the technology that connects us. I had got used to the feeling of being slightly hypnotised by her chat and grown to like it. Maybe this is what cyber sex is about, or perhaps I had discovered something more subtle. So of course the crunch had to come next. Summers over. Time for reflection, perhaps.

Getting to know you

This is where we reach a certain crossroads in our relationship; totally out of the blue Noy has posed a question at a tangent to the subject we were discussing. It just seems to tumble out like its been on her mind a while. Suddenly she's finally given up fighting the urge to find out if I am attached or not. The question didn't make any sense and every sense at the same time. Was she asking my wife for permission to chat with me or did she mean to say 'may i ask if you see your wife'?

Noy knows few details about me in the real world, but everything that I have told her is true. I had already explained that I was married before, now long divorced with my ex living 500km away and I had no particular wish to be in contact with her. Kung seemed satisfied so I ask if she has been married or whether she had a current boyfreind. She says no.

Study finished but I kept up my habits - logging on at 5.30 am and chatting with Kung for a couple of hours. I surfed and sorted emails as we chatted, still had twinges of apprehension bubble up but was starting to be convinced that this was a real person living a humdrum life in Bangkok, not totally happy with her lot but nevertheless a bright and original personality.

I was finding out all kinds of stuff about Thailand, from tourist brochures and guides to personal views and insights into the 'scenes'; Patpong, Pattaya, Phuket and the like. I tried to find out anything that gave a glimpse of the real Thailand lying behind the glossy tourist image and faded gogo neon. There were plenty of stories to read of grief, horror, humour, broken relationships, wedded bliss and I read all of this until I brought myself up with a jolt; hang on a minute, here am I getting involved with someone I haven't even met, who is bound to be different in the flesh from the virtual image on the monitor in my head and it poses all kinds of conundrums, virtual or real. Meanwhile I'm busy reading tragic tales from people who had actually met each other - in the real world. This is worse than Blind Date - and I haven't got Cilla's shoulder to cry on.

All the ghosts and ghoulies that had been hanging around since the start of my cyber affair were making their presence felt. Maybe this was a genuine lady, met by accident on the internet or could she have been stalking the chat rooms purposefully - a chancer who was prepared to play an extremely long and patient game? Any reasonably mature, worldly-wise guy would ask the same question, right? I had been pondering these things for months and read about some of the tricks of the trade such as professional letter (email, chat?) writers, scribes, an ancient craft from many cultures. I didn't exactly loose sleep over all this but the intrigue of the situation was an entertaining diversion from more mundane UK bound affairs and after all, it felt like I was making a real freind. As I now knew her, she appeared to be very demure about sex and the such like, holding a low opinion of any bad language or smut. If it's an act, she deserves an oscar; if it's a pro letter writer, he deserves a lot more money and a book or movie contract.

All of this was put on the back-burner by the intervention of a small family crisis and I was suddenly drawn away from the internet and Kung for a while.

Time to reflect

It was good that there was a pause in the affair with my mind having to focus on more pressing matters in the physical world. I could come back to it with a fresh, more obective viewpoint. At our first loggon together when I get back home I could tell that something was up at her end of things. Eventually she let it out that she might be leaving Bangkok. Apparently to work for a relative some four hours train ride out of Bangkok. I ask if she will be sad to leave Bangkok and she says no in a firm manner, at the same time I get the feeling she is not entirely happy about the destination either. I know better than to probe too deep when I can sense a 'mood' on the other side.

Meanwhile my fortunes again took a turn for the better and out of the blue I am offered some internet research work. That suits me fine. That's it, I'm coming to Thailand and can't wait to tell Noy. Except that she suddenly disappeared on me. I casually fired off emails over a few days with no reply. I wanted to get as much work under my belt as soon as possible so I would be free to plan my trip. After a couple of weeks I was philosophical about what might have happened to her. Maybe she was working away with her relative and I would never hear from her again. Good luck to her, I hope it works out. By now I am hooked on Thailand not just Noy.

Yup, a holiday is in order here. I send off a final email wishing her the best of luck and good fortune in the future and let it rest. So back to cyberspace to start my research work .... and book the flight and hotel. Then early one morning up pops Kung, like she's all breathless and full of appologies for having disapeared so abruptly. She had been to visit one of her sisters. 'That's ok by me I hope you had a good time' I was quite relaxed about the whole thing. By now my mind was clearer about what was going on between us and how I felt about it. I formulated a strategy to handle the situation taking account of the fact that the dream-like cyber affair had every chance of turning into a physical reality. I determined to myself that I would resist all temptation to get romantically involved with her and keep our relationship on a platonic level. Then if she makes any sort of sly move on me I will know she is a gold-digger. Similarly if she loses patience over the course of the visit because I appear to be lukewarm towards her.

I tell her some of the plan: arrive BKK and take a day or two to climatise, then I meet her and one of her sisters for a drink, we can size each other up and then decide if we are going to have dinner together or whatever. She's in agreement. Fine, so I'm starting to wind down and say 'bye when she says 'do you want my new pic? Sorry if it's not beautiful'. Downloaded I add the file to my growing collection and open them all up so I can compare. The new pic is an older face than the rest, I remember her being at a birthday party not so long ago and get the impression that it might have been clipped from a group shot taken there. I follow the series from the young girl standing near her mother to a slightly more careworn but nonetheless attractive lady. She has complained about her health being affected by the poor Bangkok air quality and I can see its effect on her sinuses.

On to Bangkok

We have to meet, I couldn't face the agony of wondering about what it was all about for the rest of my life. When I first encountered Kung it was not in my head to look for any romance. I am still not looking for romance and have no intention of setting up home with anyone during this period of my life. I have tried to explain this, tactfully, to Kung. I hope she understood but can't be 100% certain that she did. Since the initial sessions when we were just flippant and joking, as one usually is with strangers in public chatrooms, we had become altogether more personal and honest with each other. I had come to understand a little more about her life; how it is pretty hard for a single girl in Bangkok on very low wages and she wants to improve her education so she can get a better job. Kung has a dream about travelling to the west and we have spent hours comparing notes about the UK and Thailand. Obviously vastly different countries, climates and culture but we still manage to find similarities in our lives. So by this time I have come to the conclusion that I don't really mind what or who Kung turns out to be - a genuine, intelligent lady that I can respect and treat honorably; or a classic internet con, or katoey, or illiterate bar girl who hires a hotshot scribe. Being a fairly seasoned traveller I didn't have too many worries about coping with problems abroad, I was looking forward to the trip and felt honoured to have a friend waiting for me at the other end.