Behind the Smile

Behind the Smile

The next day I weathered through the fever and took it easy around the hotel, reading by the pool and sipping water. By the evening it had worn off but I felt a little physically drained so I showered and went for a massage in the basement. I had already visited the salon to have my hair cut and now I was in one of the massage booths at the back. I'm lying face down with a towel across my buttocks. The girl has come in the room - a stunner with supermodel figure and straight, black hair to the waist. She has slipped off her jacket and shoes, tied back her hair and is kneeling astride my feet at the end of the massage couch. As she holds my calfs with her hands she asks me my name.

The massage progresses and we exchange smalltalk. She is an expert masseuse, one of the best I have ever had. Her body and hands have strength and subtleness combined and she is working magic with my aches and pains. She moves onto more complicated twists and turns, using her feet, legs, knees and elbows as well as her hands. Gradually it has become more intimate but she remains fully clothed - blouse, short skirt, tights. She asks me to roll over as she has finished my back. I readjust the towel and she leans over me to massage my scalp, her breasts are inches from my face and I'm thinking 'Whoa, holdup, that's not playing fair. She's winding me up on purpose.' She moves from my scalp to slapping my chest briefly then on her way to slapping my legs her hands brush my nether regions. 'You want special' she says patting the towel over my crotch. This was going to be difficult with things naturaly on the rise. I take her hands in mine before they can strike again and say 'Don't be upset, sweetheart. I don't want special, I'm a happy married man and my wife would not like it' (I lied shamelessly). She looks all hurt and pulls her hands away pouting. She tries once more to entice me, moving her hand towards my crotch and I grab it lightly swinging my legs over the side and sitting up. 'Sorry it's not you. You are very beautiful and your massage was exellent. Look, I'll tip you, OK?'. She cheered up as soon as I gave her the notes. Talking with her as I get showered and dressed I find out she has three children by a Thai husband who has now abandoned them and she is forced to work in the massage parlour.

One More Night

I feel revived after the massage so it's time to head for the street and Bangkok nightlife. Noy hasn't contacted me or answered the email I sent earlier. I get the impression that that's the end of it. I head up towards PatPong but avoid going down it by turning into another soi. It's a bit quieter. Not too many stalls but with similar bars, clubs and massage parlours. Touts are plying their trade every few yards and some girls are holding up roughly scrawled bar menus, everyone trying to entice you onto their turf. I walk through smiling, brushing them off. Really persistant ones I fend off saying 'Sorry mate, married, more than my life's worth' the one's who get it laugh along with me. The one's who don't give up anyway. It works as a ploy but it is still slow, tiring work to get from one end to the other. I have emerged from the soi into a main thoroughfare with stalls, milling crowds and traffic. Turning the corner I see an open air bar with football on TV, a few guys sat on bar stools watching.

I'm heading towards an empty seat and spot a figure coming towards me out of the corner of my eye saying something I didn't quite catch but sounding like the same sort of hustle I had just fought my way through. I cut her dead saying ' I don't want anything, I just want to sit here and have a beer '. 'Oh excuse me, I was only asking you what you want to drink' she answered, shocked at my heavy handed brush off. Suddenly I flush with embarrasment, I have just presumed that the waitress is a hooker trying to proposition me whereas she only wanted to serve me a drink. I appologise and order a bottle of beer, I watch as she leans over the bar picking up a badge which she pins to her skirt then fetches my beer, puts it down in front of me and sits on the next chair, smiling. So she is a bar girl after all, damn. I could see the joke of it though: I had overeacted when she first approached and then went to the other extreme in being embarrased and appologising to her when my first reaction was right all along. She had given me a mental dig in the ribs, which I probably deserved for being too pompous.

By now we are grinning at each other and joking about the incident. Another girl wanders up to the bar leans over, grabs a badge and pins it on. She is saying hi to everyone and comes over to where we are sat, winking at me and putting her hands on the girls shoulders. 'Hi I am Dang' she says with a perfect accent, 'And I'm Nok' says my waitress 'we are just starting work'. 'We are best friends' says Dang massaging Noks' shoulders. The girls start chatting together and laughing, then looking at me they laugh again. I guess correctly that Nok is telling Dang about our meeting and me brushing her off. At that moment a couple of tourists are meandering towards the bar so Nok leaps up says something exitedly to Dang who answers, looking at me 'No darling, you serve them I want to sit down, my feet are killing me'. I chuckle as she sits down next to me and Nok scuttles off to serve the guests. 'I'm Davey' holding my hand out to her. She is an older lady with high cheek bones, care worn but still a sparkle in her eyes and an infectious laugh.

I point to her badge and ask her what it is about. She explains how the bar is organised, their basic job is to welcome the guests to the outside bar and make them feel comfortable and either stay drinking at the bar or enter the go-go club whose entrance is opposite. I catch a glimpse of bikini clad girls writhing on a tiny stage as Nok is ushering the two tourists through the door. 'The badges are for the customers who like us and want to go away from the bar with us'. 'Barfine you mean?'. 'Yes, how you know that?' Dang hits me on the arm. 'You've been to Bangkok before'. I explain that it is my first visit but that I do a lot of reading. Nok is scurrying back to us and sits on the other side of me. 'Are you going to buy us ladies a drink' Dang says to me.

'Sure, no problem, what would you like'. Nok has a soda, Dang a tequila and I have another beer. We're all chatting and laughing together, the evening progresses and I carry on buying the drinks at regular intervals to keep the management happy. Dang moves onto any drink she hasn't tried yet and dirty jokes, Nok sticks to the sodas and is laughing along with us but is not as raucous as Dang. I am thoroughly enjoying myself, I have made a better contact with these girls who, although they are bar girls are more open than Noy and her sisters. Dang in particular is a hoot, she doesn't give a shit what people think of her and I imagine she could be quite tough when she needed to be. Later Nok explained that she was a mother hen to all the younger girls in the go-go bar and had been a good friend to her through thick and thin. I could sense that there was something a bit sad or tragic just beneath the surface with Nok but she did a good job of hiding it and was laughing, smiling and joking as good as the rest.

Mildly drunk I paid the tab and headed off to get a taxi back to the hotel. Dang and Nok insisted on coming with me through the soi to the main road. Dang was joking or rather half joking that I should take Nok back to my hotel room. I declined, laughing, 'I have my reputation to consider girls, besides I'm too tired and useless in bed'. The girls laughed, hailed a taxi for me, rapped the instructions to the taxi driver including a warning not to try to rip me off, pecks on the cheek all round and I'm away. Its been a good night. The girls are great fun to drink with, the bar prices were reasonable and no one had tried to hustle me. I didn't have to buy them drinks but it was not too different from a night out with the girls back home. Where the girls, prim and proper though they appear to be, still expect the guy to buy. So much for womens libation, it seems it doesn't include getting a round in.

There must be more

The next day I continue with my tramp around the sights and points of interest in Bangkok, setting out early to avoid the heat and crowds then taking a long lunch and siesta. I use the skytrain a lot as it's the fastest, coolest way across town but I take a taxi if I'm going further afield on a round trip, trying to negotiate the price before setting off. I find Thai culture and architecture fascinating though I'm not used to doing the tourist thing when travelling, Thailand was proving to be worth the effort. I was quickly becoming tired of Bangkok though; the noise, pollution, constant bustle and being targeted by the touts, taxis and tuk-tuks. I mused about which way to wander next and vaguely set my mind to organising a trip to the coast or upcountry. In the evening I set off again heading towards the bar.

Nok was there and she greeted me with a broad grin. 'Hi Davey, how are you. It's nice you come back'. 'OK How is it going? Where's Dang?' 'Oh Dang is doing something she will come back in a minute.' The bar is quiet, there's no football on the TV. 'What are you doing tonight Davey?' 'Nothing much' I say 'I was thinking of going to eat in a restaurant'. Just then Dang clomps up, she's wearing some enormous foot gear. She pecks me on the cheeks, I remark how her shoes resemble rice barges and she feigns a slap on my face. We laugh. Nok says 'Hey Dang do you know a good restaurant for Davey to eat?' Dang gives me a wink and says 'You should try the one I know, it's not far'. She starts to explain how to get there as though I'm a local so I say 'Whoa, whoa I didn't follow any of that, I think I'll get a taxi'. I buy the girls a drink and one for me and we are right back where we had left off the night before. After a while a thought occurs to me. 'Hey girls, how would you like to come to dinner with me? I'll pay your barfines and we can have some fun afterwards, go dancing or whatever?' 'Wow, thanks Davey' the girls chirp in unison and I get two more pecks on the cheek.

We march into the Mango Tree together and are ushered to an intimate alcove out of the way upstairs. It has beautiful teak floors and furniture, the atmosphere calm and relaxed after the bustle of the streets. A traditional Thai band is playing on a little platform by the entrance and the music is piped to small loudspeakers throughout the restaurant. The girls order the food and I order a beer, the girls sticking to the mineral water. The meal is exellent and served with grace by the young staff. Chatting with the girls I express my desire to see some of Thailand out of Bangkok. They confer together briefly in Thai and Dang says to me 'Nok has a house upcountry, you can stay with her' her eyes sparkling. Nok is looking away, slightly rouged with embarresment. I look at Nok quizickly 'What's this about your house, Nok?' She stammers out that she has a house near the forest and some mountains and that there are a few sights worth visiting including ruins and game reserves. I am intrigued about Nok and her house. 'I have a car as well. It is at my house. I have to go there soon'. She has a car and is offering to put me up and drive me around to see the sights too. How could I refuse? Nok sees me hesitating and says 'I have a spare room. You can sleep in that if you want to.' My mindseye saw a bamboo shack in the forest where a spare room consists of a lean-too of leaves - malaria on tap and primitive sanitory arrangements. But she had a car. Hmm.

We made a feast of the dinner and I tipped the staff well, under the girls instruction. The girls had practically spoonfed me the food, forcing titbit after titbit untill I was full and beyond. I had dropped the topic of the trip until the end of the meal. Nok wasn't put out that I seemed cool about it and we were all chatting merrilly about Thailand and the UK, the girls work and how they rarely went with any of the customers who usually prefered the younger girls inside the gogo bar. They also told me of the hatred they had for some German men, Arabs and Indians too who had perverted sexual preferences. Nok tells me that she has a teenage son, alone at her house. The idea starts to sink in. So as we are gathering ourselves to leave the restaurant I say 'OK Nok you're on, when do you want to go to your house?' 'Tomorrow?' Apparently it is the time of the month when Nok gets a day off and also it's some kind of public holiday so she has a few extra days as well, though she would normally be working them. She is quite anxious to see her son and sort out her affairs at the house. 'Fine' I say 'I presume I'll have to pay your barfine for the extra time'. 'Yes, Davey, thank you otherwise I would have to come back to work too soon'. Normally she would get the early coach there and the first one to return the next day, not leaving her much time at home. One day off a month, that's pretty rough. We returned to her bar and I paid her fine for a few days and one for Dang as a tip.

I insist on returning to my hotel alone against Dangs protests, she was really trying to push Nok and me together but we're both quiet and reserved. In the hotel room I mull over what I am letting myself in for. We've arranged for Nok to collect me from my hotel early and head for the express bus to take us to her home town.

Behind the smile

On the bus Nok and I chat for a while then she falls asleep, head on my shoulder. She has told me all about herself. Her son was fathered by a Thai boyfriend who left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant, she hadn't seen him since. She trained and worked as a hairdresser before marrying a Scotish expat who lived and worked in Thailand. He initially took her travelling a lot - meeting his family, business trips and holidays. Then they had settled for his work in Thailand and moved into the house. After a while, however, he stopped taking her with him on his business trips and became withdrawn from her at home. At least that's her story. It would be interesting to hear his version of events. The upshot was that he had left, leaving all the bills and finance for the house and car to pay. She had no chance of meeting the payments on a hairdressers salary. To add to the pressure her son had recently broken his arm badly and there were additional medical bills to pay. So the only way to try and cope is by turning to the barwork. She rarely sleeps with customers - she is not the typically good looking Thai girl, slightly dumpy with small breasts and mid thirties. She has strong features, a down to earth character and an energetic spirit - the kind of beauty that comes alive in the daylight.

Two and a half hours on the bus and we are driving into a small town past industrial estates, constant roadworks then shopping plazas and malls before pulling into the bus station. Nok has woken up, re-applied her make up and is making calls on her mobile phone, obviously calling all her friends and family to announce her arrival. We're out of the bus, pull the cases from the hold and into the back of a raggedy old car. I see what's left of the suspension wince as the cases are loaded and muse why Nok didn't choose a better taxi. She's still got her phone stuck to her ear. We drive to the outskirts of town then turn off the main road past a row of low rent shops and enterprises. A fair few heads turn as we pass. Nok is instructing the taxi driver and making yet more calls as we carry on down the back lanes, passing motorbikes, cars and the occasional agricultural wagon. It's morning and everybody is on their way to work or school. Next we are turning right down a track, the taxi suspension just about giving up altogether but the driver knows its limitations and takes it gently over the ruts. Off to left are rows of new looking houses with walled gardens, a few lazy dogs sprawled out on the roads and pathways.

We carry on down to the bottom of the track with fields on either side and a small cluster of what look like olive trees, wildflowers in bloom everywhere. We follow the track round to the left and there are neat rows of houses on either side. We pull up in front of one towards the end. Nok pulls back a gate and tells me to give the driver 100 baht. I pay the driver, pick up the cases and follow Nok towards the house. There is a small, neat garden going around the house with a red shrine in the corner and flowers, shrubs and fruit trees delicately placed. The house is fairly new but with traditional lines, what in the UK we would refer to as a bungalow but with a steeply pitched roof. There is a veranda or platform in the front of the house with wide, sliding glass doors, a shoe rack to the left and on the ground two large brass bowls with tiny fish in them. Shading the entrance is a large striped awning. I'm impressed. Definately not a bamboo shack in the backwoods. More a secluded, probably exclusive suburban estate. With the children playing up and down the lane, it reminded me of my childhood in similar surroundings.

Nok tells me to go in, use her bedroom to change, take a shower and use her bed to sleep on if I want to. She is scurrying around her house: outside to check her car, mailbox then I observe her as she is opening dozens of envelopes at the table, frowning at the bills which she is putting into a growing pile. She shows me the shower, cursing her son for not doing his chores and keeping things clean and tidy. He has already left for school before we arrived though she had spoke to him on the phone while we were on the bus. She is telling me of her problems in bringing up her son in the circumstances. I tell her that he sounds like a typical, normal teenager - moody, won't do what you tell them and that sort of thing. I take a shower then when I come out of the bathroom she is cleaning like a dervish, whirling through the kitchen and living room. I say that I'll take up her offer of a nap and she replies that she has to go out to see people and pay bills and she should be back when I wake up, then we can eat.

I help Nok with the gate as she backs out her car, a nearly new Mitsubishi. Winking at the small children in the lane watching her departure they run off screaming, a woman standing in the doorway of the house opposite looks away when I glance in her direction. Obviously Nok and her visitor will be providing plenty of gossip around this neck of the woods. Back in the house I stretch out on Nok's bed and quickly fall asleep. It's been a long day and it's only morning, but I hadn't managed to sleep on the bus like Nok. I must have slept a couple of hours when I was woken with a dry cough on my chest. I tried to get some more sleep but only managed to get short naps before the coughing woke me again. The house is quiet. I recognised the condition as probably being due to the pollution that I had taken in over the days in Bangkok sightseeing. Finally, after I wake with another fit I get up to fetch some water and opening Noks bedroom door to the sitting room, there is Nok sat at the table with a middle aged Thai man. They had been talking quietly and I had no idea they were there until I entered the room.

Nok introduces the guy. He is some sort of police chief and has driven over especially to see his old friend. I comment how it could be deemed fortunate to be the friend of a police chief. He seems like a solid sort of guy and although he has no English at all and I have practically no Thai we get on quite well and manage rudimentary comminication. Nok suggests we go out to get lunch as she has not been able to do any food shopping yet. She closes the house and we set off up the lane. I'm in Noks car and the police chief is in a pickup truck. Apparently he is a farmer as well as a police chief. We go to a smart hotel for an excellent buffet, I leave Nok and her friend to natter away throughout the meal.

We part company with Mr. Police Chief in the car park, he shakes my hand warmly and drives off. Nok then takes me into town where we do some shopping at a vast supermarket and shopping mall. We call at numerous offices where Nok is paying her bills, meeting some girls in one office who are her friends and she owes money to. Apparently they all help each other out when times are tough and one of her them helps look after her son while she is away. We call into a garage where she pays the installments on her car. I feel a bit like a bored but dutiful husband following her around but don't mind as it is giving me some small insight into everyday life in Thailand. It is fascinating to see Nok in action, away from the bar scene that is, with the many freinds she has and the general social whirl of her normal life. She is obviously trying to catch up with missed payments. Electric, water, telephone - the list of bills to be paid went on and on. She had obviously worked extremely hard this month. I had decided to pay her a bit over what I would expect and offered her the money as we pulled up outside a municipal office where she had yet another bill to pay.

Then we are back at her house where, after unloading the shopping, Nok is continuing her clean up of the house. I sit down with my book and a bottle of beer, exhausted. The nagging cough still bugging me. After a while Nok is sat at the table reading letters and I get up saying I will shower and change, ready for the evening. Just as I enter the bedroom I hear a motorbike pull up at the house. It is Noks' son Yo back from school. Dried and changed I go back into the living room and Yo is stood there, a thin boy with a nasty looking scar on his arm. That was a bad break. It looked like it might need to be re-broken and set again. I introduce myself to Yo, he doesn't reply but shakes my hand timidly anyway then turns away. Typical behaviour, he must be a bit embarrased with his mum bringing some strange guy back to his home. I try to be tactful and give him space for the idea to settle in. A boy of few words, I was able to have a couple of converations with him nevertheless. Mostly about football. He's ok Yo, he can understand a fair amount of English but is extremely reluctant to speak at all, let alone in a foreign language.

We have a dinner of duck and chicken sat mostly in silence around the table. Afterwards Nok retires to her bedroom, the days exertions are getting to her and she needs a nap. Yo is watching television and I am reading my book. The house is quiet except for their dog which has been going crazy tied up out the back, since we arrived. Yo silently slides to the shower then to his bedroom stopping suddenly in the doorway and swivelling to say 'Goodnight'. I smile, say goodnight and he's gone. Left alone I read for a while longer, enjoying the peace of the night, then go round the house switching out the lights and accidentaly rousing the dog to another round of barking. I go into the spare room that has a mattress on the floor, some piled up boxes and a beautiful shrine that Nok has made. I lie down and drift into a fitful sleep, woken by coughing bouts at regular intervals. After a particularly tickling cough I lay back down with my eyes closed, half awake I sense someone in the room. I open my eyes and Nok is crouching down next to me. She takes my hand and says, 'Come into my bedroom Davey, it is cooler, you are sick, I want to look after you better'. I don't put up much struggle and she leads me into the other room.

Nok had been really sweet to me through the night, wiping my face, fetching water, adjusting the aircon and was very concerned that I was seriously ill. I knew better as I remember this cough from other cities like Bangkok where the pollution count is high and dangerous. We had discussed going to the mountains and game reserve but I was feeling too rough after the bad night. Instead we decide on visiting Khmer temple ruins about an hours drive away. First Nok needs to take Yo to the hospital for an examination and buy his medications. We deliver Yo to his school after the hospital. Nok has some more business to attend to so I wait in the car and then we are heading out onto the road.

The day passes peacefully. The temple ruin is magnificent and calming: not too many people about - just children playing, workers restoring a part of the site and a few orange robed monks. I wander around filming the carvings and architectural features. Nok is a bit tired for walking so she sits and observes me as I meander around. A bunch of young schoolgirls pass by and one says 'Sa was dee kha'. I answer 'Sa was dee khrap' and they scream with laughter. I sit for a while silently with Nok after I've finished exploring, soaking up the sleepy, ancient atmosphere.

We don't talk much on the way back and finally Nok says 'You OK Davey?'. I suddenly realised that my cough had disapeared and I feel weary but well. 'I'm fine thanks. Feeling much better. I'm just speechless'. 'What do you mean speechless?'. 'Well like you, your house, car, Yo and all your friends'. 'What?'. 'I mean you are not the same girl I met in a bar in Bangkok. Your house is beautiful, you are really houseproud working so hard, buzzing around sorting out your affairs. I am really amazed.' It was true. I was not expecting what I found beneath the bar girls smile. A life fraught with difficulty and hardship yet she has the time and patience to tend to a near stranger she thinks is ill. I was touched by her care and compassion. Ok I have helped her out financially, she can spend a few more nights at home where she should be, but it wasn't an extravagant amount of money. She had all the local knowledge and I felt priviliged to share it with her.

'You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl'

After a few days travelling around seeing sights, meeting her friends, relaxing at the house, it is time to return to Bangkok. I was intending to fly back but the flights were full so we hatch a plan. We'll drive back to the bar, I'll pay a few more days fine for her, we'll say hello to Dang, stay one night in a hotel then set off for the coast early next morning. Dang was mildly drunk but really pleased to see us. We have a couple of drinks together then while Nok is away in the toilet Dang says 'See I told you, Nok is special'. I couldn't remember her saying it but agreed with her anyway, I guess she meant it in all the nods and winks when she was trying to push us together. I pay up to the bar and Nok and I are off into the mire of traffic to the hotel she has fixed up with a parking space for her car at the back. The hotel isn't too great but it's cheap and I am too tired to bother. In bed Nok curles up beside me, her body warm and soft. Sex wasn't the thing between us, though I'm sure it would have been if I had showed the inclination. I had become comfortable with her cuddling up since the first night when she nursed me. I don't know exactly what she thought but it all seemed innocent, natural and easy going to me, I was simply enjoying her company. And I had the best car service in Thailand, until she got us lost on the Bangkok expressway one day that is.

We reached the coast and had a piknick on the beach. Then we spent the time meandering along the coastline taking it all in. More often than not Nok would be sitting watching me and eating. This was her holiday too. We would drive up the coast. Neither of us were much for swimming so I beachcombed while Nok sat. It was an idyllic time and I was glad to see Nok relax. With more time we would have just carried on down the coast and probably visited some of the islands but the days were slipping away, a few more and it would be time to fly back home. So we set off up the road towards Bangkok arriving on the outskirts of town mid-afternoon. We have been pretty quiet together on the drive back then Lek is talking to me. I don't know how the conversation has arrived there but I suddenly realise that she is talking about how it would be nice for me to buy her some gold to put on her arm. At the same time we are just entering central Bangkok on one of the expressways. I tense up, not responding to her prompts. Nok tenses up and misses the turning off she should have taken. The gold topic is dropped as we concentrate on extricating the car and ourselves from the mess we are in. The motorway is taking us miles away from the direction we want without any sliproads. The rush hour traffic is starting to build and Nok is losing her normal composure. I study the road and the signs. Nok is just trying to keep the car going straight and I realise that we have to get into a feeder lane over the other side to head back where we want to go. Nok misunderstands and misses it so we carry on to the next one with Nok edging the car across the traffic. Finally we are heading back into town but the rush hour is turning nasty.

Eventually we are downtown and before I realise it Nok is parking the car near the bar. A bit bemused I say 'Why are we stopping here' but Nok is buzzing around sorting out the parking attendant. Then she grabs my arm saying 'Come on Davey we go this way'. She seemed all steamed up like when she is at her peak working as a bar hostess. My blood starts to cool. 'Where are we going Nok?' I pull us up to a stop and push her around to face me. She can't look into my eyes.'To buy some gold Davey. I'm taking you to the gold shop'. 'Whoa, whoa, whoa we didn't decide to go to the goldshop Nok'. I have stiffened up and now I am holding her arm. She starts to look all hurt and pouting like a little girl. 'But Davey, you promised me..' 'I never promised you a damn thing girl and I am certainly not going to go off buying gold for you now'. The journey, traffic and pollution were getting to me and now out of the blue Nok has reverted to her bargirl habits. I was hurt, shocked how she could change from the homely, caring, sensitve person I had been with these past days into this..... I am at a loss for words.

I drop her arm, turn my back to her and start walking off. She's running after me still pleading, practically crying for me to buy the gold. I stop, turn round to her and calmly say 'Look, if you don't want me to leave you right now just shut up about the gold. I am tired and thirsty, we'll go to the bar, have a beer, calm down and discuss what to do next there, OK?' 'OK Davey I am sorry I upset you but........' 'Shhh no buts'. She looks at me like a scolded child and I lead off towards the bar.

I had decided to stay at the posh hotel I was staying in Bangkok originally, there might be messages waiting for me and I was expecting to meet some people there. I suggest to Nok that I pay for a room for her at the hotel with the parking space so she could leave her car safe and stay or do whatever she wanted. She had a tiny room somewhere but leaving the car nearby was out of the question. She still tried to convince me that buying her gold was something I should do but I wasn't having any of it. Dang wasn't at the bar, too early for her shift, so I just had one beer and we set off in the car. I asked if it's OK to use the room to freshen up after I had checked her in. The staff look bemused at what's going on but they take my money and don't say anything.

Up in the hotel room, washed and changed I have some serious talking to do with Nok. I sit on the bed next to her and hold her hand. She is all hunched up and seemingly near to tears. 'Look Nok, we have had a really nice time together. I've helped you with your bills and Gung's medical expenses. You have shown me Thailand and a part of your life. I want us to be friends'. She weakly tries some final ploys to persuade me to comply. 'Stop. That's the Nok I don't like. The nearer the bar you get, the more you are taken over by it. At home you are a different, nice, honest person. You need to get out of the bar scene.' 'I know Davey. I know'. Her eyes are moist and she's softened again. I am now speechless and feeling a little guilty at being hard with her. She is a human being. She doesn't have too many choices. The emotion wells up inside me. I get up off the bed and try to clear my mind.

'I'll give you some more bahts as a thank you, Nok. I just want us to be friends and if there is a way I can think of to help you, I will. If you want to, you can come with me to my hotel, I'll sort out my room while you wait in the bar then I'll take you out for the night. OK?' 'OK' she says , cheering up. We leave Noks car and take a taxi to my hotel where I install her with a drink in the bar and dash off to check in and change. After I come down we have a couple of drinks watching the band then I suggest we go off for dinner at the Mango Tree. Through dinner we managed to re-establish our rapport. Nok is muted but has returned to being the nice person she really is. I tell her about a few ideas that are milling around my head and more details of what life is like for me back in the UK. We touch briefly on her life at the bar but I can see her pain and treat her gently now. We made a plan for the next day. She needed to take the car back to her house and I wanted to visit the market which happened to be on the road she would take out of town. After we had finished eating I said to Nok 'Do you know what Nok? I would really like to visit you in ten, fifteen, twenty years or however long it takes'. 'What you mean Davey?... you're crazy man'. 'What I mean is; I would like to visit you in the future when you have put all the bar scene behind you, when you have a successful business, Yo has made you a grandmother.. and.....' 'And??' Nok looked at me as if I was mad. '...and have a cup of tea with you'.

Parting and sweet sorrow

We finished off the night with a happy swing around the town, meeting up with Dang later and getting mildy drunk. It was one more good night in Bangkok. I returned in the taxi to my hotel alone leaving Nok to make her own way, she would pick me up in the morning. I slept soundly despite the streaming eyes and cough from the Bangkok air. I was ready for Nok early next day, waiting in the lobby for her car to stop outside. I got in the passenger seat and we kissed. Nok was back to her cheerful self and had left the bar girl behind again. We set off to the market chatting about how I would spend the rest of my time in Thailand. Nok wanted to stick with me right up to the end, taking me to the airport. I wasn't sure about my plans because I hoped to meet up with some people before leaving and I was waiting to hear from them. We left it that, Nok would have one more day at home with Yo and then we could catch up with each other when she got back to Bangkok. We kissed goodbye. That is the last time I saw Nok. I wished her a safe journey.

Epilogue

I did intend to meet up with Nok and say goodbye properly but the car I was in coming back into Bangkok broke down on the day and time became tight to catch my plane. It was only a short visit but a lot of stuff had happened. I lost one 'friend', my cyber one, and gained another, someone who is flesh and blood. A warm hearted person trying her best to survive and provide. A good mother and someone who, to me, deserves better than her lot.
Thank you Nok (and Dang)
Thank you Thailand.