IT

It controls everything,
my mind my heart.
It entered long ago,
has been there ever since.
Many times I’ve tried to escape,
but it catches me before I leave.
It holds my memories,
controls my dreams.
When I feel sad,
it gives me pain.
It spoils everything,
including life.
Destroys everything,
my heart, my mind and me.

The blackest heart,
the darkest hour.
And in my mind I see the fire.
It shines with torture, pain, despair,
i wantit all to disappear.
Leave my head,
escape my mind,
destroy what has been left behind.
It’s scarred in there,
it’s blackened shut.
The will to see,
inside my mind.
It’s forever gone,
so shut up and live life.
If I didn’t I would be punished,
with hate and anger,
and be diminished.

If I survived,
i would be lucky.
It would attack again,
everytime worse than before.
It’s sword was sorrow,
bow and arrow anger,
and spear was hate.
But worst of all,
the voice that came,
from inside,
the deepest part of my mind,
is evil,
PURE EVIL.
I feel that sometimes,
i created it,
whatever it is.

It has been there for me,
during my worst times,
when it was good.
But when I felt that I was saved,
it came after me.
It said that my church was to blame,
that if I didn’t leave,
it would go after them.
I disregarded it’s warnings,
and thankfully it didn’t go after them,
i felt the safest I had ever felt.
I think it weakens,
when I have fun.
But when I’m sad or hurt,
it grows stronger again.

I am now heading,
for a bigger future.
It doesn’t come after me,
as much as it did.
But I am still cautious,
for when the day comes,
when I have to face it.
Hopefully that will be,
a long away from here.
At school I’m quiet,
it’s still nowhere.
I can feel it’s presence,
it’s growing near.

It feels my pain,
feels the sorrow.
I wonder why,
i feel so different.
It’s been a few years,
nothing has come.
I feel the worst,
has come and gone.
Later on,
the days went by.
I figured it out,
IT was ME,
I was IT.