4. Janet and John Have Fun at School

Janet and John walk into the schoolyard.
John has been sick on the bus.
Janet looks at John. John is a funny green colour.
Janet and John had a heavy night last night.
They had a heavy night behind the railway bridge.

Janet sees Mr. Snelgrove in the schoolyard.
Mr. Snelgrove is the head teacher.
Mr. Snelgrove is not very nice.
Mr. Snelgrove is thin and tall.
He has a cough and a bad temper.

Mr. Snelgrove smokes a lot in his room.
Even though the school is a no smoking zone.
Janet thinks this is very unfair.
She has to go behind the toilets when she wants to smoke.

Mr. Snelgrove sees Janet. He sees John.
He sees Mary and Eric and Darren and Little Sidney.
“Good morning children!” says Mr. Snelgrove.
Mr. Snelgrove is smiling. He is smiling at the children.
Janet looks over her shoulder.
She looks to see who Mr. Snelgrove is smiling at.

Mr. Snelgrove never smiles at Janet. He never smiles at John.
He never smiles at Mary or Eric or Darren or Little Sidney.
Mr. Snelgrove never smiles at anybody except Mrs. Lush.
Mrs. Lush is the school secretary.
Mr. Snelgrove likes Mrs. Lush.
He likes Mrs. Lush a lot.

Janet knows Mr. Snelgrove likes Mrs. Lush because one day
Janet found him snogging Mrs. Lush in his office.
Mr. Snelgrove jumped. Mrs. Lush jumped. They both jumped
He told Janet that he was getting something out of Mrs. Lush’s eye.
But when Mr. Snelgrove jumped away from Mrs. Lush
They made a funny slurping noise and Mr. Snelgrove had lipstick on his cheek.

When Janet told Mary about Mr. Snelgrove snogging Mrs. Lush
Mary said that when Mrs. Lush was in school with her Mummy
she was called the school bicycle because anyone could ride her.

John said, “Why didn’t she melt?”
Janet sighed. She said “Bicycle John. Not icicle.”
Janet doesn’t think John is very bright.
And he doesn’t pay attention.
But that is because he is a boy.

Mr. Snelgrove is smiling.
He is smiling at the children.
“Hello children” he says.
He tries to pat John on the head.
John ducks. John is more used to smacks than pats.
His Mummy has a vicious temper.

Janet sees Mr. Snelgrove’s hand.
His hand is funny. It is not yellow.
Mr. Snelgrove has washed his hands.
Janet sniffs. She thinks, “That’s funny.”
“That’s funny,” thinks Janet
“Mr. Snelgrove has washed.”

Janet and John go into the school.
Mary and Eric go into the school.
All the children go into the school.
There is something funny about the school.
“That’s funny,” thinks Janet.
“That’s funny,” says Mary.

The cloakroom is funny.
The cloakroom is clean.
The cloakroom has been painted.
There is no rude writing on the walls.

The corridor is funny.
The corridor is clean and painted.
There are lots of new posters on the walls.

Mrs. Lush is in the corridor.
“That’s funny,” thinks Janet.

Mrs. Lush is not wearing a short skirt.
Mrs. Lush is not wearing a tight blouse
Mrs. Lush is not wearing her nose ring.
Mrs. Lush is not showing her tattoos.
Mrs. Lush is wearing a sensible dress.
Mrs. Lush is wearing sensible shoes.

“Blimey” says Mary.

The children go into the Hall.
The Hall is clean and painted.
There are bookcases with books.
Now Janet knows why things are funny.
Janet looks at Mary.
She looks at her.

“It’s another frigging OFSTED” says Janet