Why Do Fish Wear Chequered Trousers ?

Why Do Fish Wear Chequered Trousers ?

“Why do fish wear chequered trousers?” Said the monkey to the hare.
“I don’t know.” Said the hare to the monkey, though he didn’t really care.
“Well.” Said the monkey, rather saucily to the hare.
“If they didn’t wear chequered trousers, then the fishes would be bare.”

“Why do fish wear crotchless knickers?” Said Johnny Mathis, suddenly appearing on the scene.
“Because.” Said Mad Jack Purple, “To keep their bottom’s clean.”
“Why do the bubbles make your hands so soft?” Said the child from the Fairy adverts, who also appeared on the scene.
“Because.” Said her mother, “They’re soft enough to fasten your lips together, with my new sewing machine.”

Said the monkey. “Why, in the Summer, do fish wear loud Hawaiian shirts?”
“Because, else.” Said the hare. “They wear cacti, and have you ever felt cactus needles? It really, really hurts.”
Said the monkey. “Those aren’t your elephant earmuffs. Those are cousin Burt’s.”
Said the hare. “They’re not elephant earmuffs. They’re Arabian candle mice. And they’re not Burt’s, they’re Kurt’s.”