Jay goes in to rehab ..

He got settled in, the boy. No cash, valuables, iPods, designer clothes or anything that could be deemed as 'saleable'. As frightening as it was, Jay had to get off the high-speed train going nowhere.

He told his dad that he was being escorted by a nurse type of person. The lie was to prevent shame and guilt taking over from or overtaking the fear and dread he had tied up in his guts. There are only so many emotions one can take on a freezing, dull Monday morning.

Jay's good friend and mother figure from work had been his confidante for the past 2 years, and as the designated chauffeur, she finally pulled up outside the entrance to the psychiatric unit of the rehabilitation ward. 'Don't forget to call me, anytime, day or night', she shouted out the open window. 'Hey. You hear me?'

The boy waved his hand but kept walking straight ahead. He had actually been here already to see how it felt, you know, on terra firma, last week. His knees were like a wobbling jelly just out the fridge. He loved mandarins in his. Jelly. Like his mum used to make for him. His mum ..

Arriving at the reception, Jay was shown to his dormitory. 4 beds. Stark, bare, functional. Ok. Put bits into drawers, and books, newspaper on tiny bedside cabinet. He wished he was at home, watching the game with his dad.

The first day was a settle-in. Librium in abundance, to stop the need for valium. He craved his craving, but allowed those feeling to devour him. Nothing would prevent him from joining the happy people. That's what he desired really, to feel. Feel happy. He just co-existed and drifted along. Wonder what it was like, this happiness thing?

Jay ate, spoke, read a little, and pumped full of his new friend librium, fell into a disturbed sleep. His snoring, drowning out the other lads screams ..