24 November 2012 - Dear Dairy #24 and a bit

Dear dairy,

today we rolled along the surface to Cardiff in the south of the Celtish land of Wales. We were joined there by the rather sporting All Blacks, who obviously have a head for heights, having spent several hours above 40,000ft to get there. The rain didn't stop. And all the pubs were full of men with oval balls.

It's raining. This is no longer news. You can go to another journal now as there is nothing new here. We looked at photos taken in the sunshine and warmth (not here, obviously) and saw two pink-cheeked healthy looking people. Strangers to us now.

Humans evolved, we are told, over millions of years to wander around equatorial Africa killing stuff and picking up berries. Duffel coats and Helly Hanson jackets probably arrived much later as there was no immediate need.

What the fuck made them wander off onto a rock sticking out of the North Atlantic? It was probably pissing down when they turned up. Did they, even then, put up deck-chairs, unpack a picnic and pretend it wasn't raining? Had they made that evolutionary step so soon?

Was there some primordial vision of red buses and "Changing of the Guard"? Did Stoicism really originate in Syracuse (or wherever) or did it flower in ancient Blackpool under the pier?

Why did we abandon the conditions that produced us? For hundreds of years, we have been trying to return. The British Empire is heavily linked to trade, but that is only half the story. We could have had Greenland, but no. India, Africa, Australia, anywhere warm.

But when you walk out on someone, don't expect to be able to walk back in a hundred thousand years later with a bunch of flowers and a smile. Melanoma is God's way of telling you that you blew your chances when you walked out the door. He ain't having you back.