I Hope You've Got A Daughter Now

Summer 88
Peer Pressure
Aztec Camera, Deacon Blue
I didn't even fancy you
The others did, why didn't I?
I was childish and frigid
Awkward and shy
Sticking safely to the impossibility
Of David Gedge and Morrissey

I went along
I was sort of proud
Not of you but of your crowd
Shopping centres, hand in hand
Rugby shirts and corkscrew perms
Sunny parks and empty houses
Single beds, closed doors
I went along
Not because I wanted to
But because it's what teenagers do

But not like that
You were brutal
I fought you
Thought I'll die if this goes on any longer
I was strong but you were stronger
There must be something horribly wrong with you

I hobbled home and got back late
A fall - the cause of my painful gait
I wanted to say but I wasn't able
There were silent screams at the dinner table
I swallowed myself and all my distress
Threw away my favourite dress

You spread rumours
The dew of my childhood evaporated
My spirit receded
My innocence wilted
Decided to get out of here
I put away those souvenirs
I moved away - not because I wanted to
I moved away because of you

I made a life
Had some children
My parents hardly ever saw them
Because so many miles I'd run
Away from you and what you'd done

But somewhere in my heart
Was still a scar put there by you
Latent vitriol quietly grew
I searched for you throughout the web
I raged for just some fragile thread
Thought somehow I could ruin you
Any tiny tenuous link
Even hire a hit man
(It's cheaper than you think!)

I hope you've got a daughter now
And she's the apple of your eye
With glints of you
And hints of all unspoken things
You know are true
And cut with something wonderful
From generations lost in time
Something ambrosial
Something divine

And she'll go out with God knows who
To who knows where
Perhaps you'll think when it gets late
And for a moment suffocate
For I was just a dewy kid
And know the harm of what you did