July 25th, 2013

I'm really fucking pissed off today. It was one of the managers at my brother's salon that pissed me off. You ask her a question and she's always dancing around. She tells you to ask someone else or always hints at blaming someone else. Whenever she says something, you have to double-check the facts. It's so fucking aggravating. She's fucking little Ms. Perfect.

She used to manage my store and the kind of employees she hired. Fucking amazing. Real nutcases who are lazier than a cat, always filing Social Security or Unemployment. I must admit, I fucking hate the government. I don't understand the government at all.

I am a Neoconservative, but I don't know if others would call me that. I much prefer Hollywood's culture wars against other cultures than actual military wars. South Korea and Japan were the success stories after war and they had to work their butts off and suffer hard. Vietnam, a fucking disaster. Military commanders talk about how US won militarily, but what the fuck does that mean if US won militarily but lost economically and politically. IRAQ. Sure we killed more people, but what did we really accomplish?

It's frustrating living in this country. Another manager asked me a really fucking stupid question today. I just can't believe that I did not blow up on her. I am an emotional volcano inside. How do I hide it so well?

So, my managers had be going today. I'm still wound up. How am I going to get to sleep.

I have to pick and choose. I like the American way in certain aspects. I like the Korean way in other aspects. When the tension becomes too great between the cultures, I have to find a solution.

I don't understand what blacks expect from the US government? The US government is deeply in debt and so are many states. Even when the US government has a surplus, US goes to War. They don't want to give money to blacks or improve their neighborhoods because the government considers that a bad investment. And there have been cases in which money was given but it disappeared. It's gonna take times for blacks to work out all that hatred... all that lies within.

What about Asians... the unassimilatable minority? People who assimilate are so fucking castrated though. They are nice like liberals and always telling their parents how to hold a baby and not to clean your ear in public or some shit like that. Who the fuck wants to be assimilated and turn white. When you do that, whites know that there is nothing yellow about you, that you are really nothing, a fucking gook and nothing else, easily manipulated, shaped and conditioned, an empty slate and then the rationalization begins. you're gonna enter the Age of Enlightenment like Asians have to go through all the stages that whites went through. In the Postmodern Age. none of that fucking matters.

If you don't assimilate, then it's like the Rising Sun, you carry a foreign culture within you that Americans find very threatening and the more you encroach upon their culture and economy, the more their behavior changes.

Luckily for me, China is the real enemy of the US now along with Russia. So US needs us to be on their side. SO I'm stuck between South Korea which has a very negative view of Korean Americans and the US which considers us a model minority although culturally we are just marginalized cheerleaders. So many Korean-American girls are just tools of popular girls... so many Koreans have completely lost their nature.

Korean nature is very complicated and the "Ge" (Chi) moves through it. A Korean used all that is within him in trying to solve a problem. When a Korean faces a brick wall, you keeps on hitting til he breaks through it. Some Koreans try this with women. Good way to get a sexual harassment suit.

When I think about Korean sexuality, I think about rebellion from Confucian values. Korea, Japan, and China is a culture of reverence. You revere your elders, you revere people who are older than you or smarter than you. This reverence toward the Old can be seen as a method of resolving the Oedipus Complex, the father-son conflict. Especially the ancestor worship.

There used to be almost a religious reverence for teachers and professors... but behind the veil of such sublimated reverence is sexuality... people just don't know that it is sexuality. Also, criminals and mobsters are seen as very sexual in Korea. Actually, there is a lot of sex in Korea and although it is forbidden, people watch internet pornography. Corporate prostitution, sex hotels... there's so much sex but people are ashamed of their sexuality. it is private.