still here

By courtney hulbert

Sat, 29 Mar 2014
  • 551 reads
3 comments
 

if cancer is a nobel loss
as a soldier's legs or arms
the other side of suicide
raises no alarms

if the life i steer is not so clear
without booze and fags and dope
the other side of suicide's
the still small voice of hope

when i have lost all contact
with all the friends i've had
the other side of suicide
doesn't seem so bad

when the taxman's had his trophy
and the final battle's fought
the other side of suicide
beats my day in court

if the girls i've known have sadly grown
beyond the love of me
the other side of suicide
may be a better side to be

Certificate 15
Poem
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by Pudding on

This is powerful and tragic and the ryhthm and rhyme urges you towards the tragic conclusion, like the poem itself has also turned against you. I am sure many people will identify with negative thinking in this but hope the place this came from is faraway in the past. 

A small error in that 'seam' should be 'seem' and I don't think taxman needs the apostrophe.

Submitted by courtney hulbert on

Thank you Pudding. A different life, and I hope the binary switch of off / on negative / positive is held in the title. I am, after all, still here. A better man, too, hey? Fanx for the edit. 

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

The rhyme scheme works well, adds point and punch. It also gives the lyrics a folk ballad feel. I too tend to sometimes think and write in binary. The 'other side of suicide' is double jointed. it could mean the narrator does not commit suicide and stays on the side of life. Or it could mean that the person takes their life and goes over to 'the other side.'

One small spelling correction in the first line; change 'nobel' to 'noble'

Keep this side please Courtney, I want to read more of your writings             Elsie