SMACK - (edited)

Cherry

By Bee

Mon, 01 Sep 2014
  • 11513 reads
20 comments
 

Yes, I've smacked you a time or two 
over the years -
the odd slap here and there;
a clip round the ear.

A clout when you've shouted, and a thump
when you got my dander up.
you have to admit 
you've deserved the occasional cuff. 

I've grabbed you by the hair 
when you've tried to run off,
but I'm not violent,
it's just my way 
of dealing out tough love.

I hate when you bait me; 
dictate to me,
if or when you might comply.
I try to keep my cool,
but in the end you leave me with no choice
but to let fly.

I'm sick of all the whinging and brooding;
inspecting for bruising. You are my wife!
And yes, I've hit you,
but can you blame me
when you know what you're like?

Certificate 15
Poem
Unclassified

Comments

Submitted by torscot on

 

"...Yes, I've smacked you a time or two over the years ..."

"... an argumentative wife..."       That's PMT for you.

Regards

torscot

Submitted by Bee on

Hi torscot.

Thanks so much for reading, much appreciated. Still don't think he should be hitting her, though.

Best to you,

Bee

Submitted by torscot on

"...Still don't think he should be hitting her, though..."

 I got this one all wrong Bee, domestic violence is not acceptable along with verbal and emotional abuse.

The sad fact is that complaints about  abuse  get  a low priority by the Police.

I was going in a different direction with this one thinking  that the man in the relationship was himself a victim 

as a result of his partner suffering from acute PMT

Regards.

 

torscot

Submitted by Bee on

Oh right, that makes sense now. Thanks for getting back. Maybe write one from that point of view next time. 

Bee

Submitted by jeand on

Hi Bee

I'm not sure I can see many changes from the first one I read before. But I must admit that the dog theme came through again to me - dander up, cuffed, grabbed you by the hair. But to him, she probably meant less than his dog.

Jean

Jean Day

Submitted by Bee on

I have cut it down quite a bit, Jean. I left the other version on, so if you were interested, it's still there to compare. I think you are right, in that it's the way dogs are often treated - even by owners who think they love their pet, just as he most likely 'loves' (in his own way) and owns his wife but feels justified in his actions because she drives him to it by arguing and doing anything else he might disagree with.

Thanks for reading it again. Him treating her like a dog is an interesting obsevation. 

Bee

Submitted by Canonette on

Very strong characterisation here, Bee.  His voice, his self-justification and attitude towards his wife come through really well.  Excellent.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thank you Canonette. Your comments here mean a lot because you really got what I was aiming for. 

Bee

Submitted by Parson Thru on

A horrible subject, Bee. Good for you for airing it. I like the way you portray the reversal of blame. So true.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks PT. So pleased you got that.

Bee

Submitted by VeraClark on

It isn't easy to capture the 'projection' mentality of a perpertrater of DV minimising his actions to his victim but you've got that hateful little voice down really well. I don't like this narrator because I recognise lots of infuriating men's voices that I've endured in family work justifying their one offs. That's a compliment and not intended to be backhanded.

 

Submitted by Bee on

I took it as a complement, Vera. I'm glad you didn't like him, no thrilled, but then those who met this character outside the subject of the 'poem' might think he was a really nice guy. It's that ability to believe in their self justification and also to conveniently forget that often makes them so believable. 

Thanks for reading. A positive comment from someone who has experience through working in this area means so much. 

Bee

Submitted by scratch on

You are very good at tackling 'difficult' subjects that most of us avoid by taking the easy option and ignoring them.

 I'm glad Torscot clarified!  Of course I can see what she/he was getting at with the reversal of gender roles.

Like your other stuff that investigates differences and sheds light on cultural, ethnic and social divisions based on attitudes (often towards women) this poem acts as a zeitgeist.  Very well done indeed.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Hi scratch.

Because people often prefer to avoid thinking about certain subjects, I'm always thrilled when anyone takes the time to read. It's so great torscot came back to clarify and to read again, and his original comments gave me an idea of how it could be taken at a glance - so that was helpful. 

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means such a lot to me.

Bee

Submitted by blackjack-davey on

i really enjoyed reading this poem, being stuck inside the mind set of the perpetrator as Vera says the peevish self-justification, the sense of martyrdom what he has to endure and a little whiff of self-pity, poor me! my arm hurts from belting my missus .. enjoyed because i was really in another person's mind, and it's always nice to get away

I might consider changing the last stanza because it really spells out what is already suggested (for my money) in a much too obvious way and places us outside the mind of the narrator... he becomes a doll, a ventriloquist's dummy. The poem is much more sinister when we hear it from him,  the wheedles and tweedles, the little man who hits (women) hard. Perhaps even a specific example how she fucked up his dinner by using the the place-mats his mum had given him with the red roses etc or view of st peters or otters in moonlight

here's my insight: if you want to check on your future partner, male,  look at his relationship with his mother ...he'll be dishing  out the same sort of treatment (in a modified way) to her.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Thanks for the helpful advice. I've had a think and have changed it for now, to what I think is a slightly stronger finish. Will continue to think. Happy you thought it worth working on. 

Bee

Submitted by scratch on

I think that an already good poem got even better.  I'm a massive fan of your writing and your approach to your writing Bee.

 

Submitted by Bee on

Glad you think it's improved. You are a great support and source of encouragement to so many.

I'm desperate to find out what's going on with Daniel....

Bee

Submitted by scratch on

I've had enough of him.  After I wrote the last bit I was pretty empty to be honest.  A horrible episode and horrific to write.  Perhaps next week I'll have another go but I've got a bit of a poem itching to be scratched and it won't go away until, well, you know.  Ha!

 

Submitted by Bee on

Yeah, I can imagine you would get horribly involved in the writing. Draining. I was going to say, don't leave us hanging for too long, and then I suddenly thought how inappropriate that would be, and I wouldn't joke like that, but I hope to get to the end of the story, let's say, and look forward to the next instalment. And your poem, too.

Bee