Locked Out of Heaven

I knew I would never see her again. Never again would I hear the soft lilt of her voice or hold her in my arms. That sweet scent of hers that could never be bottled was forever lost. I am lost. Destined to live in purgatory without her. A quick nudge by my buddy Nick brings me back to the matter at hand.

He nods towards the rectangular hole dug in the Earth and drops his shovel. “Are you sure you want to do this, brother?”

Nick always calls me brother. Though we share no blood, I consider him the closest thing I’ve ever had to family—not even the one that was given to me. Except for Elsa.

Be in it in this life or the next, Elsa will always belong to me. She will always be my family, my soulmate. She is the very reason my heart still beats to this day.

“It’s what she would have wanted,” I find myself saying.

Nick snorts and pulls a pack of Newports from his back pocket and lights it with a match. “I can think of a million things that selfish bitch would want, and I can I guaran-damn-tee you that this ain’t it, Charlie.”

He only calls me by my given name when he’s well and truly pissed with me. But right or wrong, Nick will do anything for me. That is why he is my true family. That is why I love him so. Turning from him, I bend down to the dewy grass and run my fingers across Elsa’s frozen face.

“She loved me. Did you know that, Nick? She well and truly loved me.”

With a huff, Nick sits across from me, on the opposite side of Elsa body and taps the ash of his cigarette across Elsa’s belly, ignoring the flash of anger that crosses my face. Tonight she is draped in the softest satin and the finest of lace. I’m still stunned that this exquisite woman was created and sent to me. Me of all of the people in the world. Elsa came into my life and she loved me.

I have never felt more honored or blessed in my sixteen years in the world.

“Brother, if she truly loved you, she wouldn’t have married your pop.” Nick tosses his cigarette, pats me on the back and cradles his hands beneath her shoulders. “Grab her feet, will you? It’s cold as the devil out here.”

Numbly, I follow my brother’s instructions. My vision is blurred with tears by the time we lay her into the hole. Nick allows me to sit to the side, my body shaking with silent sobs as he scoops pile after pile of loose earth on top of Elsa’s body.

He takes his time, stopping frequently whenever something else comes to mind that I forgot to say to her. Or simply to tell her how much I love her and forgive her. Nick doesn’t mind. He gives me as much time as I need to say goodbye.

When he’s finished, Nick is dripping with sweat and covered in dirt. I pluck a purple lilac flower and place it on top of the pile of earth.

“Until we meet again, my Angel.”

Nick wraps his arm casually around my shoulder and awkwardly pulls me into a hug. “You’ll see her again, brother.”

Through the never ending cascade of tears, I smile, probably for the first time that evening. “You’re right, Nick.”

We squint our eyes, looking through the trees to the wedding party, going on long into the dawn of the new day. “What do you say, brother? Time to get back to the party?”