Him

                                    Him.                                                                                                                                                      He was so beautiful. It used to make me so sad; seeing him and not being able to touch him. I just wanted to sweep my fingertips across the curves of his face. He was so beautiful. I wouldn’t pay attention in class so I could watch him sleep. I was so close yet galaxies away. I wanted to know his mind, his heart, his eyes, I wanted to know him. I wanted to know his eyelashes and the colors in his irises. So beautiful is was overwhelming for me. The texture of his hair, the tones that made his complexion. Jesus. I wish I could have controlled it but it was beyond me. Out of my grasp. I can’t ignore it; it’s coming out of my pores, its written in my expression. You could smell the infatuation on me. I wanted to understand the complexities of his mind. I wanted to know what made him smile, then I wanted to be one of the things that made him smile. I wanted to feel his raw heart in my hands.There was fire in my chest…  It became too heavy after a while . Too much to carry. I couldn’t look at him anymore. It became too draining, too exhausting. I just didn’t want to be stuck. It was always there but I could no longer acknowledge it. After everything there was relief in  knowing I had escaped that rose-colored maze.