Epit, Part One: Third Time
By Horseinabathtub
- 485 reads
Aleks slowly began to regain his consciousness. His body was still and his eyes were heavy, he didn’t want to open them yet. He just wanted to lie in bed and enjoy his Saturday morning lie in. As he gradually opened his eyes his body awareness became clearer and he felt that he was lying on his side. He expected to be greeted by his treasured poster of Emma Stone, but instead there was a window. Outside was a graveyard, and judging by the angle he was on the third or fourth floor of a building.
“That’s reassuring,” he sarcastically mumbled to himself. He was definitely not in his bedroom. He was in a hospital room. Aleks was too tired and generally too lazy and apathetic to care. He must have done something stupid to land himself there and he obviously didn’t have a good memory of what happened. But at least he was alive.
He sat up in his bed. He scanned the room and immediately noticed a person sitting in the corner, staring out at the graveyard from another window. Aleks’ eyes were still a bit sore and blurry from adjusting to the light. He rubbed his eyes and things became clearer. He then noticed that it was a man. He was bald and wore a blue surgical mask. As he stared he was playing with something in his hand. It was a knife. And worst of all there was blood still on the blade.
Aleks patted his body down, inspecting for any signs of a knife wound. He didn’t seem to have one. He stared at his wrists, they were bound to the bed by leather straps. Was this man anything to do with why he was in the hospital? But more importantly who was he and what did he want? Did Aleks do something to get him in trouble that he just couldn’t remember? If so was this man here to finish the job? Aleks’ breathing got deeper and his heart began racing. The heart monitor that was attached to him started beeping louder and faster.
The man snapped out of whatever trance he was in, turning his head to face Aleks. The two made eyes contact. His deep emerald eyes were somewhat hypnotic, given that they were the only distinguishable feature Aleks could see. The man broke eye contact so that he could look at the monitor. The speed and noise of the beeping was rapidly increasing.
Now the man was on his feet and he was approaching Aleks. He raised his hands defensively.
“Please you have to remain calm. Trust me, I’m here to help.”
Unfortunately his words were muffled by the mask and his voice was drowned out by the ever increasing beeping. All Aleks could see was a man coming at him, holding up a bloodstained knife, while he sat trapped on a hospital
The beeping was out of control. Aleks’ was breathing was incredibly heavy. He was starting to break out into a sweat. There was a mild stress pain that was creeping into his back. The man glanced at the monitor once more. It was reading over 160 beats per minute.
“DAMMIT!”
He threw the knife to the ground and pulled a syringe from his pocket. He plunged it into Aleks’ leg. Almost immediately Aleks felt drowsy. The monitors beeping was back to its original state in a matter of seconds. And in that same matter of seconds Aleks fell back into his sleep. But just before he did he could hear the man.
“That’s three. Third times the charm my…”
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Comments
Some good detail and lots of
Some good detail and lots of intrigue here. Need to know what's happened.
As Alek opened his eyes.. I think it starts here - you tell your reader that his surroundings are different. I think that's adequate - see what you think.
Perhaps consider cutting 'sarcastically' as your reader can understand the dry humour without being told.
Keep an eye on your tenses. It feels as if your narration is with Alex even though it is omniscient but then it seems to veer to the man in the mask. Threw me a bit. Choose your loyalty at the start and stick with it.
hope to read more, a really good start.
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