Ice Heart
By DarkPinkGirl
- 3527 reads
Spirals of ice towered up concaving me in the mysterious ice cave. The icicle covered rocks taunted me. They blew a hyperborean breath crosswise my neck; it sent a sharp, piercing, tingle through my spine. I glanced across into the distance; my eyes met with a deep blue crystal ice podium. It was central in the cave. Above it was a glistening cold bridge, perfectly constructed of pure ice. Casts of sharp hardened water, dripped down from the bridge; several little droplets landed in the core of the podium. The chilled water droplets filled it, but never did the water overspill. It was as if each tear of liquid dispersed into the ground, in formation of the cave. Each trickle that fell enclosed the forever shrinking gaps in the ceiling of the cave. With one blink it sucked every droplet from the podium and blew it across all the exits, engulfing me in the freezing den.
It was cold, so cold it froze my ankles still to the floor. Cold as death in the frame of night.
Despite the intense frost, the walls still melted, as did the bridge. I wondered if the water would ever die. It was like the earth; everlasting, invincible, eternal. During my gaze, in the right corner of my eye I caught sight of a trail of footprints. Was I not alone in this subterrane? I stalked the footsteps with my glimpse.
The footsteps stopped.
In their place, a man. He was as tall as a giraffe. His hair was black as ebony. My heart was pounding; thump, thump. He speculated the grotto, touching each morsel of ice with his unfazed bare hands. Unperturbed by the frost, his eyes glided to where mine once were. His mouth agape, he circled the podium intrigued by it. Like a lion intimidating his prey. Water fell; he violently thrusted his hand out to catch it. The man pulled a blade from his pocket, drawing blood from his palm, he dropped the blade into the podium, crafting a vibrant bright fire!
I gasped. He peered up. I was afraid. He was enraged. Our eyes met.
We stared in synchronization. That stare felt like hours, in reality it was seconds. Our deep beam was fiercely severed by his rapid dart to my eyes. “Are you frightened, little girl?” he bellowed. His voice was other worldly; it was profound and husky. My shoulders were frozen; my fear shadowed across my lips snapping them shut. The terrorizing man stepped forward. He was so close to me… too close. Blood was still dripping from his hand as he held it out to me.
He whispered in my ear “Trust me, Elizabeth”.
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Comments
I enjoyed this. At times, it
I enjoyed this. At times, it can seem a little like you've over-used the thesaurus! Sometimes the simplest words are the most effective. However, that doesn't detract from some controlled sentence variety and a nicely plotted arc. Is there more?
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Hello Darkpink and welcome to
Hello Darkpink and welcome to ABC. There's some fantastic imagery in this piece. It does need a good edit. Quite a few places where the words you've chosen don't seem to quite match what's needed. I'm not sure if you used a thesaurus perhaps?
A few examples:
'I stalked the footsteps with my glimpse.'
'He speculated the grotto,'
Perhaps get one of your friends to read it through. Do post more soon!
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...just keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
...just keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep writing Tina
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No harm in trying to
No harm in trying to encompass the lot!
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I've come late to this but so
I've come late to this but so glad I've found it. A big warm welcome to the site. No on to part two and three.
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