Mouse.poem
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By maisie
- 2315 reads
I had a brown mouse,
bright, smart type. interlock wheel,
smooth to the touch.
.
which glittered
in the moonlight action.
of my darkened hand.
.
Mouse, my mouse! I cried,
darken my words, bittersour -
the apples of thought.
.
make the reader blench!
Let the excitement run... deep
into the third eye.
.
Your nature never
was explained... or determined...
a bomb in my hand.
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Comments
This is so sharp. I really
This is so sharp. I really like it. The contrast of IT and field mouse is well drawn, the power of nature and literary word too. You touch on the the three blind mice nursery rhyme, and perception beyond visual sight, extended with wit and pizazz. Is that a word? It is now.
Not keen on exclamation marks and ellipsis in poetry or prose unless it's a CAUTION sign and a cliff drop - totally personal choice - probably an annoying one so ignore at will.
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HI, Maisie, I was too tired
HI, Maisie, I was too tired to get into this last night, but I came back, and having read the comments, I got going on it. The idea of the mouse being a bomb is very potent, though rather than wanting my thoughts to be made more dark and sour, being aware that we don't know the mood of the reader who catches them, makes me want to be prompted to choose my words and thought with care, not to be souring, but then maybe you are speaking about composing entertaining 'dark' stories? Rhiannon
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