The Silent Cowboy Chapter 1 Part2
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By pianosamrankins
- 746 reads
A cry! It was stronger this time, a baby! He turned and stared at the small clap board house. Most of the railroad works lived in similar houses along the lane a few blocks from the train station. They had to stuff the chinks with wet rags to keep the violently blown sand from entering the house. Thank God the wind was tamer tonight. Jacob hesitated then rushed into the small home.
The lanterns were lit and bathed to room in soft yellow light. His older sister, Rachel, was rubbing the baby with a cloth that was as pale as the still tiny body lying on the board that his wife used to iron the laundry she took in on a daily basis. His other sister, Sarah, stood beside the bed wiping Elise’s forehead. The August night was in the sixties but the young mother had worked up a sweat.
The baby cried, a thin reedy cry. “You have a son, Jacob.” Said Rachel. “I didn’t think it would live but I didn’t want to give up on this precious life.” She had massaged the baby vigorously until he cried. “He’s not a strong one, but precious just the same.” Rachel smiled then laid the baby close to the mother’s side in the bed. Elsie, though, turned away.
“Well, poor chap. I guess you worried your mama too much today.” Rachel turned and laid him gently in a small cradle by the fireplace.
“Her chills have started.” Said Sarah. “Jacob, start up the fire please.”
He took one last look at Elsie then turned to light the fire he had laid earlier, then to look at his son. “A son,” he thought. “A tiny piece of pale flesh, well, it probably wouldn’t live through the night. How could such a tiny little thing cause so much trouble?”
Divining Jacob’s thoughts, Rachel walked over and quipped, “I didn’t stand there hoping that baby would take a breath for nothing! He’ll live if I have anything to say about it!”
Jacob glanced up from the hearth, the orange blaze reflected in his eyes. “It sure ain’t a good time to be bringing a baby into the world!”
“Nonsense! New life means new beginnings!” Replied Rachel. But she knew that her brother was worried about Elsie. “Poor child.” She murmured. “Maybe I’m the only one that cares.” She touched the tiny fuzzy head and whispered a prayer.
“Jacob?” Elsie weakly called. “Jacob, are you here?”
“Yes, I’m here.” He unbent his six-foot eight-inch frame and walked over to the bed. Elsie laid there small and weak. “It’s over dear. Just rest now.”
“Where’s the baby? I heard it cry.”
Jacob looked over to the cradle by the fireplace. “He is just there. My sister Rachel is caring for him.”
“Him? A boy? Well, that’s good.” Elsie slowly closed her eyes and fell asleep.
All was quiet in the house except the crackling of the fire and the wind outside in the desert night.
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Comments
You have conveyed the
You have conveyed the precariousness of life at the time so well - the way that both mother and child are assumed to be at risk in childbirth. You also have some very striking images - the description of the cloth being 'as pale as the still tiny body...' is particularly evocative. For me the impact of that was lessened slightly by the sentence going on to give the information that Elsie takes in laundry. I just felt the image was so strong it needed to stand alone and the factual information could have been given elsewhere. You have such a feel for your characters and their situation and that is sometimes enough - extra information is distracting. I thought your last sentence was particularly strong, again emphasising the precarious security of the small home.
Hoping to read more about them soon!
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I liked this
and the situation is full of visual impact. There was one line that threw me - - - the night in "the sixties" when otherwise the strong sense is of cold (the fire etc.). The Place is finely envisaged but I would welcome a bit more attention on the Time in the next episode (given your choice of category). Looking forward to it. simon
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yeah dumb of me
hi SRT - - - I should've and will read chp one! I'll get to it asap. good luck with the next one - - simon
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