Forward Re-Write: The Blue Door
By mac_ashton
- 667 reads
2. The Blue Door
The form Dom filled out felt oddly personal. There were the standard genetic imprints, eye color, known disorders, but then the questions had strayed towards his emotions, and essay prompts that asked him to recount childhood memories. He looked up from the plastic bucket seat he was in and saw others sitting, straining to fill out the same questionnaire. I suppose there’s really no harm in it. As if to reassure him, the word ‘CONFIDENTIAL’ was stamped in big bold letters at the bottom of the paper.
The green eyed woman stood in the entryway, guiding guests in through the dazzling light. Dom tried to take his mind off her and returned his eyes to the clipboard. Probably a synthetic anyway. It was odd to find any full humans in customer service jobs as they just did so poorly at it. No one could match the undying perky response of a synthetic, and it made the experience more pleasant. As far as he was concerned, it was the evolution of the world.
Dom finished the questionnaire and stood up to hand it to a receptionist, sitting behind a long crescent desk. Before he got two steps toward her, the green-eyed woman had hurried back and offered to take it for him. “Thank you so much,” she looked down at the board, “Dominic.”
Not a synthetic after all, he thought. If she had been, she could have just scanned for his name.
“You’re going to want the blue elevator at the far end of the lobby. Have a nice day.”
Dom tried to thank her, but she was already bustling off again, as a man had tripped through the revolving door, and now lay splayed on the marble. No one can handle the light anymore, he thought, and walked away. Dom barely remembered the days before the skyscrapers had reached so high, but there was one salient memory of a rooftop with his father. The last time he had been able to look directly at a sunset, rather than a reflection.
The memory was so crisp that he almost ran into one of the pillars at the edge of the room. He corrected course and was soon standing in front of a bank of three elevators. Each door had its own unique personality. One was red, and looked as though it might have been hot to the touch, another was a cool chrome that appeared to be moving very slowly, and finally, a door made of blue gem with water running through it. Dom was staggered by their beauty. He stepped forward to the blue door, looking for a call button. To his surprise, the doors snapped open, revealing an equally blue box.
Dom stepped inside, distracted by the sudden shift in hue. The doors gave him no time to think, and had soon closed again, engulfing him in the deep blue light. The skin on his exposed arms prickled, sending shivers up and down his spine. The elevator jarred upward with immense speed, making Dom feel as though he was going to be flattened into the floor. There was no sound other than a muffled whir of the box being propelled upward.
Before he could adjust to the sudden pressure, it was gone, and the doors opened once more. A bald man with a thick, black beard, and glasses greeted him. “Good afternoon Dominic, come in, have a seat.” The man motioned to a pair of grey couches sitting next to a fireplace that spewed artificial flame. From somewhere in the ceiling, a soothing glow lit the room. “Come on, Dominic, the doors are about to close.” Dom heard the hiss of the metal sliding shut, and jumped out just in time.
“Sorry about that, everything is automated. The owner likes to reduce inefficiency. Please, have a seat and relax.” The man pulled out a clipboard and looked through it. “Looks like you just got a promotion. Congratulations for that.” He clapped Dom on the back and steered him to one of the couches. No heat came from the fireplace, only a slight electro-static buzz that quickly faded into the background.
“Nerves?” the man asked.
Dom did not realize it, but he had not said a word since stepping into the building. In the strangeness of it all, he wasn’t sure that he’d be able to speak. “Yeah, I suppose so.” The words stuck in his throat like dry cotton, but he managed to push them out.
“I know how you feel. It can all be a bit off putting at first. The building is rather stark isn’t it?” Dom took a second glance around the room, and noticed that other than the two couches and the fireplace, there was nothing but uniform grey panels. “Unfortunately, it’s necessary,” said the man, standing, and walking over to the wall. “Our procedures are oh-so-delicate, and even the slightest changes can cause interference.”
The man put his hand to a panel, and a small scanner illuminated. The panel folded inward and revealed an equally grey tray, bearing a tea pot that was bluer than it had any right to be. “Don’t worry, I’m used to the silence. Some people hardly talk at all for the first hour or so. Tea?”
Dom’s head was spinning, trying to come to grips with the uncanny feeling surrounding him. “Yes please,” he said, with more confidence than he thought he had.
“That’s more like it.” The man walked over and poured Dom a steaming cup. The sweet aroma of oranges filled the air, immediately relaxing the tension in Dom’s shoulders. He sank into the couch, clutching the warm mug between his shaking hands. As he sipped, warmth spread through his body, and brought him back to a casual awareness of the situation.
“So what exactly am I doing here anyway?” The tea had allowed him to be bold. The décor had obviously cost a fortune, which meant that whatever Future Solutions did was highly profitable. Aside from the obvious affluence, Dom had not been able to find any clues as to what the company actually did.
“No one has told you yet?” A small grin spread over the man’s face, wrinkling lines at the edge of his mouth. Dom shook his head. “We’re going to show you the future.”
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Comments
Could you expand on that
Could you expand on that memory, Mac, with father on the roof top. You hint but go no further. It feels really significant and some divulging would give readers immediate gratification. I would indent all your speech on new lines rather than leaving some short dialogue in the middle of paragraphs, just for consistency. Lots of intrigue, well crafted, it's an engaging read.
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