Narcissistic

A woman can have any man she wants, fact. Whether she's fat, thin,
ugly or pretty, she can ensnare any man she likes. Men are feeble
creatures, they succumb to my predatory advances so easily. If a man
is tempted, he will almost definitely take a bite of the forbidden
fruit. Take me for example, I'm the best liar I know. I've mastered
the skill to such a degree that I've become lost in a bed of lies.
I spin a web of deceit almost every day, as I wave goodbye to my dull
predictable husband as he heads off to work. Being able to lie so
convincingly is actually quite frightening. When I catch my
reflection in the mirror, I hardly recognise the person staring back
at me, I'm morphing into a faceless shadow. I've had numerous
affairs over the years with a variety of men, all of whom I purposely
singled out and trapped into my tangled web. I love the adoration
and attention I receive, it makes me feel wanted. I often question
whether I'm in love with love, or if I'm evolving into a
narcissistic bitch. I adapt my personality to mirror the kind of
woman I think these men want to be with. If a woman gives a man some attention, no
matter what she looks like, if it's offered on a plate
they will take it. Men are like dogs, if they're fed and given
affection, they will go wherever their needs are met. I can’t
imagine why anyone would think dogs were such loyal creatures when
they lay their heads almost anywhere.

I'm well aware that the game I'm playing is utter lunacy, but it's become
my obsession. Creeping around makes me feel so alive, amid all the
bleakness and turmoil in the world. When I wake up each day, that
feeling of dread at the pit of my stomach tries to consume me. Just
the thought of putting one foot in front of the other seems an
arduous task, I feel like I'm drowning. It's only when I'm laying
there that I remember my other life, which encourages me to get up and
face the world. My husband loves me more than I love him, whether
he's aware or not I really couldn't care less.

He irritates me, probably because he knows me too well, which is
infuriating. However, I'm a master of deceit and always one step
ahead of him. The lies I've told would make me worthy of an Oscar
award. My dear darling drab of a husband acts as a catalyst, he's
the reason I do what I do. Although, I feel like I'm no further
along in my life, and have no idea what it is I'm searching for or
what will make me happy. Playing this game of Russian roulette
excites me and fills me with such adrenalin. I've spent far too many
years of my life playing the subservient female, and I'm sick of it.
I'm not ashamed to admit that I do find myself rather interesting,
I suppose I'm in love with myself far too much. Manipulating comes
easy to me, as I say a woman can have any man she wants.

I know I can't carry on like this forever, one day I'll have to stop
running from my past at some point. I remember the day my agency
called with the booking. I was employed to accompany him to a
restaurant, all I had to do was sit there among his business
associates and play the part of the doting girlfriend. It turned out
to be one of my most lucrative jobs, as I ended up marrying him.

As I say, a woman can have any man she wants.