The Iceberg

Gold cherry

By london_calling79

Wed, 20 Jun 2018
  • 6887 reads
14 comments
 

Write it all down she says.

So I go...

Headaches at back head bruise throbbing increased heart rate sweat feel sick diarrhoea in morning day after left eye twitch stomach acid confused forgetting things always tired even when slept awake at 5 or 4 put things off fight to remember things that are good can’t turn work phone on random crying irritable too many noises

...and stick it in a drawer.

I must be an iceberg.

I could say it feels like it I’m drowning
but it’s just a headache.

I could say I’m cut adrift
but it’s just a bloody Monday.

I could says it’s like a vice
but it’s just the shits I’ve got.

I could say I cry at nothing
but it’s just the tiredness.

I could say I’ve lost all taste
but it’s just the bad fast food.

I could say it’s the drip, drip, drip of water damage
but it’s just a bad week.

I could say I’ve lost my faith
but it’s just another hump.

I could say my stomach’s on fire
but it’s just last night’s whisky.

I could say my nerves are shredded
but I just need to eat.

No sense in talking about the cracks.
Blokes don’t need help,
just a good night’s sleep
a shower
a shit
a shave and
a shag
my father said
my mates said
my brother said.

The wife says I’m not myself.
That I’m silently sinking.

She must be fucking joking.

I must be an iceberg.

 

https://www.thecalmzone.net/

#MARKYOURMAN

Certificate 15
Poem
Water Damage
Rant
Biography
Love

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

No sense in talking about the cracks.
Blokes don’t need help,
just a good night’s sleep
a shower
a shit
a shave and
a shag
my father said
my mates said
my brother said

that makes me so angry. I hope this one gets posted far and wide 

 

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Thanks insert! It seems to be getting more of a voice nowadays, as all types of mental illness should.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

maggyvaneijyk is doing all sorts of amazing stuff to promote that voice - have you read her book? Also in her work at the BBC

 

Submitted by london_calling79 on

I haven't but it's on my (ever-expanding and currently dust-gathering) list. We have a mutual friend from Uni so I do follow her stuff.

 

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Thank you for the cherries lovely people.

 

Submitted by Hydra on

This resonated (second time I've used that word today and it's only 9.30)

When I got hit by the depression juggernaut I didn't even know I was standing in the road. Apparently everyone else knew something was wrong but because I was busy waving and pretending I wasn't drowning they didn't know how bad things were getting. So no one pulled me back. By the time someone did I was down about deep as I could get. I didn't want anyone around me and spent most of my time alone. No interest, constantly tired and irritated, mood swings, sobbing, sometimes thinking how much easier it would be just to finish it. I did get help but it has been a long haul back. 

On the upside, our voice is getting louder now and people are beginning to take notice.

Oh, excellent poem by the way.

Submitted by london_calling79 on

The more you dig the more you find. So glad to hear you’re on the road to recovery. So important for more men to speak up. Stigma still exists.

 

Submitted by D Marie on

It doesn't help that from an early age, boys are taught to hide their emotions because they're a sign of weakness. You are being honest about yours and thats got to be good, not just for youself but others too.

 

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Such an important piece!

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Thank you all! All mental illness needs to lose its stigma.

 

Submitted by agnosticnun on

This is stunning, and important. Been there, rings true, and I know for blokes the stigma takes its own particular vicious form. Hang in and keep writing.

Kristi

Submitted by Parson Thru on

Great, london_calling. Bare bones, but I like what structure you have used, especially the lifting of the safety valve. An ongoing war against stigma, I think. Like all wars, fortunes ebb and flow.

Parson Thru

Submitted by Di_Hard on

The most helpful advice I got, though I couldn't understand it at the time, is to realise you have choices. It's only so bad if you feel trapped.

The sleep thing is interesting to me. It seems accepted that insomnia is a result of depression but I find even if I feel ok then can't sleep I'm soon like a feather in a thunderstorm. Some research says an imbalance of zinc to magnesium and calcium can be a cause of insomnia? I sorted that out and while still having nights without sleep sometimes it's not so often

You are in a good place having people you love love and care about you. Asking for help is a good first choice

I'm sorry this sounds so trite

 

Submitted by london_calling79 on

Nothing trite about it at all Di. Nothing as pure as one human being looking out for another. Thank you.