wristwatch

wristwatch

 

i haven’t worn a watch

since i lost the last one

aged 23

 

it was a present,

later stolen by a girl

in a nightclub, i think

 

that fight with a table of guys

all twitching to drag knuckles,

purported to be about the watch

rather than the girl

 

i realise now

it was about the part of me

that was used to being hurt

 

 

since that day

i’ve felt no need to keep track of time

and in doing so,

i’ve let it rush me

like an assault in an unlit alleyway;

i hear the hurrying of feet behind

but there’s not enough time for escape

 

it’s over 20 years

slipped in since

 

and now my lungs

whisper at night

thinking about cancer

 

and that future, that for so long

was a serene white page

of potential

now

is only white noise, static

flickering like a bulb

that has accepted its shining

has become finite;

each bright effort

reduces its endurance

 

double the years

since i last looked upon a wristwatch

 

now less than half of the hope

of those days remains

 

it doesn’t feel enough

to forge a future

anymore