Salamander 6

            “I’m curious,” Winthrop told me, as he jiggled a piece of salt out of his brush-belt. “You still seem down-in-the-dumps. Are you are in love with Sandy, tried to woo her on the mountain, and had your advances spurned?”

            I told him that that wasn’t it.

            “Rats! I was doing well so far. You like Sandy, but you’re not in love with her?”

            “I would say that I’m fond of her...”

            “Wow!” Winthrop buzzed. “I stored that one away. It changed the molecular

structure of one of my circuits. Something to use. You know what I think of Sandy?”

            “I would be very interested to know.”

            “I wish the world was such that she’d be happier, but I know that she wouldn’t want the world to change for her.”

            “You’re fond of her, too!”

            “What’s there not to ‘fond’? And you can tell me if it’s more for you. I’ll keep it in confidence. Hey! This might help- Pretend that I’m a log-splitter.”

            “Nah,” I told him.

            “Close your eyes, and imagine that I’m a three-hole-punch.”

            “Nah,” I said, “I’m just a guy who’s worn down physically, is fond of a few people, and got caught out in the rain. I’m soft, is what it is.”

            “You’re not soft.”

            “I’m soft.”

            “You’re not that soft.”

            He rolled close, and I tossed another Pow! down.

            “‘Verm! crunch crunch…’ …We androids match-make.”

            “That’s great!”

            “It’s not not part of our job! We’re very good at it. There’s even a reality television show about it, but it sullies the craft.”

            “But you don’t need to match-make with me and Sandy. I’m not interested, and neither is she. Thanks for the thought, though.”

            “We’ve faced challenges like that before, and rose to the occasion.”

            I sat up and stopped eating my Pow!. Winthrop waited. I tossed one down for him.

            “Spill,” I told him.

            He jumped on it.

            “Can’t have much more. That’s so salty it could rot my belts. Nice on the belch, though. Okay.”

            I sat up and crossed my legs.

            “Felix had been saying that it was a pity Ana tried to look nice on assignments. That she was fine in coveralls. And, they were three doors away from each other! I put out some feelers, and he said, ‘No way! Don’t try it! Won’t work.’ Okay. Then, he was more, like, ‘I hear she thinks she’s all that and a bag of Pow!. What’ve you heard?’”

            He paused.

            “Why is there always such hesitation?”

            “I don’t know.”

            “‘Oh, we don’t wear the same fashion! What meditation method should we use together? Should we enforce veggie when the kids get older, or should they decide for themselves? Do our attachments even match?’ It was time to act.”

            I took another pinch of the ‘serious taste of fern’, and listened.

            “It was on a Friday night, and I knew I’d have to get a couple more chairs. They’re stored out there…”

            I nodded and munched.         

            “I told Felix that I needed his help.”

            “What was your name at the time?”

            “‘Horatio’. My friend down the aisle had it timed down to the millisecond. Born actor. And impersonator. She does an X-2 cart second to none.”

            “That I gotta see.”

            “That’s a privilege, my friend. Anyway, she pretended to suck up a twist-tie in front of Ana. That’s usually not a problem. Unless, as she had Ana believing, it gets caught in the motor brush assembly.”

            “Aaagh!” I cried, and grabbed my stomach.

            “Actually, more to the left,” Winthrop told me. “But, anyway, she made it through the door, saying that she had only seconds to make it to the shop. Went out into the hall, turned her gyro off and tumbled.”

            “This is great!” I said. “Sorry. Can androids die?”

            “Yeah, but not from that! Felix and I come around the corner, and Ana is there on the floor with her in her arms! She’s going ‘Aak! Aak!’, and Ana cries: ‘Speak to me! Speak to me, Catherine!’ You can see how beautiful it was. And, Catherine tells her: ‘Give my upholstery attachment to Aurelia.’ Routed the charge from the LED to her steer belt, and went- ‘RRRRRrrrrrr…’.”

            Winthrop was expressionless, but he relished his tale. I was realizing that everyone should talk to an android.

            “Ana darts into Felix’s arms, crying, ‘Oh, Catherine! Poor Catherine…’ then, later, Felix is apologizing for holding her so tight, and Ana’s saying, ‘Don’t be sorry…’ It had gone from ‘Poor Catherine!’ to ‘Oh, Felix!’ I realized that Catherine and I hadn’t planned an exit, and Ana and Felix are still out there with us in the hall, headed toward the things that you’d rather not see with the horned squirrels on ‘Critterfactor’.

            He popped up a Pow! I’d dropped.

            “Did they even notice you anymore?”

            “Organisms don’t care who’s watching sometimes. No offence.”

            I nodded to him urgently.

            “I wasn’t there to them. And they weren’t looking at Catherine, there on the floor. I didn’t want to attract attention to myself, so I didn’t dare extract my arms. I’m just staying upright, trying to get the both of us around the corner. I’ve got Catherine by the handle between my foot and my base, backing away, casually helping her scoot along on her back, at floor-level, below radar. Felix and Ana continue to make joyous gurgling noises. Catherine’s working her feet and arms, slithering across the carpet, hissing, ‘Don’t scratch my finish,’ and I’m whispering ‘Keep it down’. As we work our way around the corner, she whispers: ‘What are they doing now?’ and I say- ‘Didn’t you hear the way she growled his name? I’m surprised they’re still vertical!’”

            “That’s wonderful. It worked.”

            “Catherine waited until sunrise, and went back in discreet mode.”

            “She told them it was a set-up?”

            “She decided to just go in and start cleaning. Took it from there. She told them something about a new service-tech tyro with an untried experimental procedure, but they were just happy to see her blinking.”

            I fell back, exhausted, and Winthrop took the cue, rolling to his tiny android closet, saying softly-

            “Consider it. I gotta get back to my recharge base.”

 

            As I came out of a morning meeting, I experienced something that made me realize that I was a veteran at five weeks. Camillia found me, and showed me a picture on a hand-held display where I thought I recognized some things. Which sent shivers down my spine. Against a grey wall there were two bikes.

            “You were given another bike,” Camillia told me. “You can decline the gift, with no hard feelings. It’s like a bonus.”

            Then I understood why the picture seemed familiar. It was taken in the shed where I kept my trusty mountain bike. There was a new one leaning against it.

            “How did I rate that?”

            “Anonymous,” she said. “A client was particularly pleased. You can decline.”

            “No!” I told her. “I take care of mine,” I pointed to the photo, “but it’s seen better days. How does something like that work?”

            “Pedaling?”

            “No, the arrangement. With the money.”

            “Money,” she said. “They weren’t put out by it.”

            It was like we were speaking another language.

            “Um,” I surmised, “They provided the money, then it was bought on Earth…”

            She looked at me, amazed.

            “Money,” she said. “Um.” It was the only time I heard a Valian use a filler word, but then she brightened.

            “I can’t explain!” she said, triumphantly.

            I smiled. I was just happy that the bike had shock absorbers.

            “You might be able to understand it... Imagine a mountain stream.”

            Was it a calming exercise? I did so, and nodded.

            “You aren’t asking how it works. Water just flows there. Vapor, precipitation, ice… There are places where water flows, or where more gathers…”

            I squinted and nodded.

            “So, money’s like water, and like water, without it, you die.”

            I squinted and nodded.

            “If you mess with the flow…try to lead it away from a pond, or route a lake or glacier, it winds up doing things you couldn’t predict. Plus, you get wet!”

            “A lot of people on Earth get wet.”

            “That happens here, too.”

            I pondered the photo.

            “You can decline,” she said.

            “Oh, no. Thanks!” I pondered the photo.

            “I don’t get it,” she said. “You think you’re wet with two bikes?”

            “That’s part of it…”

            “You have an emotional attachment with that old bike!”

            I nodded. “I do.”

            “Here, they’d say that you wear your spleen outside your skin. Give the old bike to someone who needs it, and tell them to take care of it.”

            “I will.”