The Countdown Is On : Advanced Planning For Christmas At The Muggins' Home (The Water Melon!) by Alfred Muggins

     He saw the plate he had used last night before going to bed, on the side, near the sink, where he had put it, before it could be later stacked into the dishwasher with other items, probably by his wife, Mrs Muggins (who was the only one in the house who actually knew how to switch the damn thing on!) The plate reminded him of last night.

     He had been finishing off the cream that was otherwise going to go off, as no one else in the house was using it up. As usual, other people started eating fresh items in the fridge, but rarely finished foods off! Mrs Muggins had bought the cream to go with some lovely chocolate cake, or something of that sort, but he had realised that no one was eating (drinking?) it, now that it had had its grand first use in one of Mrs Muggins’ splendid meal ideas. But (a bit like Iraq?) no one had thought about the post operation settlement, or mopping up! (What would happen after the invasion?) How would they get the residents and half residents of the house to utilize and share the resources of the fridge (oil rich country!) sensibly. As always, there was no plan and no one was eating the cream!

     Alfred had quickly surveyed the edible contents of the fridge and kitchen, having returned from work, and being ready for supper now. To his great surprise the huge bulbous water melon, which Mrs Muggins had half filled one level of the fridge with, which Alfred had thought would stay there, quite untouched, right through Christmas, taking up much needed space, and finally starting to rot, long after Christmas was gone, before he would have to start belatedly eating it before it completely went off, without any help from the other members and half members of the household.

     Anyway the water melon had actually been taken out of the fridge and was on the kitchen side – on a chopping board, and had been chopped already! Alfred was genuinely quite surprised that this item had actually started to be used only a handful of days since its purchase, and well before Christmas, and it wasn’t even to go with one of Mrs Muggins’ famous four or five course Christmas meals, in which everyone would probably already be full after only the second course, and would have to do their very best to eat the later courses, despite already being full with Brussels Sprouts!

(He imagined the British soldiers had brought their first sprouts home with them after the Battle of Waterloo in 1815, which took place very near to Brussels! The victors no doubt thought they deserved some of the local produce, as a reward for their exertions in recapturing the errant and pompous Napoleon! In celebration of victory the British had dined on Brussels Sprouts for a further 200 years, following that great and sad victory!)

     But I digress! The Water Melon had been chopped in half, and then 2 quarters, and one quarter had almost been fully eaten. Actually some of it was left, so Alfred sensibly decided, after trying a small piece and finding it mouth-wateringly sweet and pleasant (which was not always the case with water melons, particularly after they had been left in the fridge for too long.)

     He cut up the rest of that quarter into sensible squares and put it on his plate to put the cream on, alongside the other items which he located. Alfred cut a fairly generous slice of the bought Christmas Cake, which they had been allowed to start early, even well before Christmas! There were still 4 or 5 days to go to Christmas Day, and they were well through this Christmas Cake – both Alfred and his wife had been having a piece every night for a few nights now. And he had had some of the cream on it on a couple of previous nights, with a minced pie to go with it. He did this again, adding a minced pie, and finished off the rest of the cream on them.

    (There weren’t many minced pies left, even though every time Mrs Muggins went shopping she came back with at least two packets of minced pies. Alfred hoped there would be enough minced pies left to satiate Santa when he finally paid them a visit on Christmas Eve. But then, did it really matter, as Mr Muggins was getting quite old now, he had to admit, there were not many presents he really needed any more, and certainly none that he really desired. He felt sure he had already received an early Christmas present from Mrs Muggins, but he could no longer remember, or perhaps he had got it mixed up with an early birthday present (which took place quite recently). Were those smart trainers he had started wearing instead of the leaky ones, when it rained recently, early birthday or Christmas presents? He could not quite remember now. Perhaps he should ask Mrs Muggins again just to be sure?)

     Anyway I digress (again!)! As Mrs Muggins explained when he got to the lounge and joined her to watch TV, the Water Melon had been purchased because teenage grandson liked Water Melon! Well this was news to Alfred, and he would not have quite believed it if he had not seen the evidence of a chopped water melon before his eyes. Teenage grandson had not actually chopped the water melon himself, which certainly would not have been expected. Mrs Muggins had done it for him, but he did apparently like it, and had eaten some, and she had had some too, and she found it sweet and better tasting than usual.

     Alfred expressed surprise that teenage grandson would have enjoyed something which was after all a kind of vegetable or fruit? And was not actually a pizza, or a MacDonalds Burger or something with cheese on it! It just goes to show that you learn something about Grandkids every day!