Runaway Mother chapter 5

Dear diary,

Hi it’s me, Mary. I’m only introducing myself as I haven’t written in you for so long that I am afraid you have forgotten about me! So quick recap of what’s happened in my life over the past week:

• Mom left and we found out in a one lined note!
• She must expect us to look after Ethan because she left no indication as to what we were to do with him!
• Zach is training after school getting ready for the multiple scouts that are coming to see his first game of the season!
• My grade point average has plummeted as the little man is a hell of a lot of work and has to be watched almost constantly!

In fairness, myself and Zach have fallen into somewhat of a routine. I get Ethan dressed every morning as Zach makes the lunches for all three of us. Then Zach brings Ethan to preschool and I collect him so Zach can practice for the scouts after school. He would always be back for dinner, which I still don’t know how to cook! I looked up some recipes last night as take out twice in four days has to be bad for a growing young boy.

I have to tell you diary that I’m furious at my mother. She has left such a big responsibility on two pairs of young shoulders! I was set up for MIT when I graduated, something that probably won’t happen now! And if I’m truthful, no matter how long he trains or how many scouts are at Zach’s game, without mom back, college isn’t going to be an option for him anyway! How could it be when Ethan is so young?

We hit our first Saturday today and all Ethan can do is ask about his mommy. I tried to colour with him and we watched his favourite show…multiple times…but he was having none of it. In an ideal world, I would have brought him to the park to let off some steam, but it raining, so let’s just say that the walls are closing in. There have been a few tantrums, so many in fact that he tired himself out and is asleep on the sitting room floor, ducky by his side, and its only 4pm.

Zach, of course, is out with the guys living his best life. He promised to be home for dinner but I’m not holding my breath considering he hasn’t even texted once to check in. I’m ready to pull my hair out! Being stuck indoors with an unhappy four-year-old is so stressful!

I can’t help but to feel like my mom has screwed us, and yes, these are real tears coming from my eyes! Me and Zach are both so young and each have our own lives to lead but since our mother decided she needed to ‘start again’, I’ve been thinking long and hard as to why. There are certainly things that just are not adding up…Is she in trouble? Are we in danger? I’m wracking my brains as to why such a good mom suddenly ups and leaves a four-year-old with his sixteen- and seventeen-year-old siblings! If I was her, then I would at least have taken Ethan with me! The fact she didn’t begs the question if she was going somewhere dangerous! What other explanation could there possibly be?

I know that all three of us idolise our mother, so why does she need to start again? Are we too much?

I would give anything to get her in front of me so I could voice my concerns. It would make things so much easier. I could offer her more support regarding Ethan and give her some headspace every now and again. I want to be able to remind her that she created us, all three of us, and no matter what, she should be living up to her side of the bargain with that. I always felt loved, and poor little Ethan asks for her so much that he must have too. So what went wrong?

Wouldn’t we all like to change our lives and leave sometimes, but life isn’t like that! You can’t pick and choose the bits that you want and screw the rest. Hell, I want to leave right now, but that sweet boy in there needs someone in his corner! If she was half the mother, I thought she was, she would have had second thoughts at this stage so she could pick up her big girl panties and come home! We all still really need her!

Thanks for listening diary,

Mary

 

‘Mommy?’ I hear Ethan shout from the front room as I put my diary onto the counter and go into him. He looks at me, a firm grasp on ducky’s leg and I can feel a storm brewing.

‘Where’s mommy?’ he asks, the tears beginning to form in his eyes.

‘She’s away at work Ethan,’ I say in the most upbeat manner I can muster, ‘remember?’

He swiftly rises from the rug and runs into my legs, squeezing them tightly. I move down to his level and give him the hug he needs from the woman who carried him for nine months. Tears form in my eyes again as he wraps his little arms around my neck and buries his head in my shoulder.

I try to blink the tears away and pick him up, bringing him to the sofa where we snuggle for a considerable amount of time. I can tell he needs this!

When he finally loosens his grip and looks at my face up and down, I smile at him, a smile which he mirrors. He places his head on my chest and I cradle him like a baby.

‘Mary?’ he asks.

‘Yea?’ I wonder what he’s thinking as I sway in a soothing manner.

‘Are you going to go away to work like mommy?’ I blink and notice that tears are running down my cheeks….’damn you mom!’ I think to myself as I kiss the top of Ethans head.

‘I’m not going anywhere buddy!’ I say and tell him I love him.

I’m astounded as to how his little mind works. Maybe that was the reason for all of the tantrums earlier…he just couldn’t find the words to say how he felt!

‘Mary?’ his little voice asks again. I have to clear my throat before answering.

‘Yes buddy?’

‘Can we get pizza for dinner?’

I laugh and start to tickle him. I change my voice and blow raspberries on his tummy asking it if it wants food. Just hearing him laugh makes the tantrums worthwhile.

After the laughter ceases, I order pizza and take the money from the cereal box and place it on the telephone table.Tthe food arrives within twenty minutes. We both sit with our legs crossed, ducky between us, and eat the pizza watching Paw Patrol. I have to ask Ethan the names of some of the characters, but overall I think it’s a show I could grow to like.

Once one episode is over, he asks to watch another. I check to see if any are recorded and my jaw drops as the sheer amount of them. I pick one he hasn’t seen and we sit there laughing and giggling together until my watch pings indicating it to be 7pm.

‘We’ll watch one more and then take a bath, ok buddy?’

‘Ok!’ he says and gets up inserting himself between my legs as we watch one more episode. He pulls ducky into the circle and there we sit, our fingers intertwined and I wonder how my mother could give up on such a gentle soul.

With the episode over, I say one word, ‘bath!’, and he gets up with ease holding ducky by the foot. I, on the other hand, take a bit of time until I’m upright as I’m as stiff as a board. I stretch my hands into the air and hear crackles come from all of my joints. Ethan copies me smiling.

‘Race you?’ I say and he bolts up the stairs like a fork of lightening. I’m not far off his heels but he makes it to the top of the stairs first.

‘I win!’ he says waving his arms above his head.

As I bathe him, he asks when Zach is coming home as he places the plastic boats in a line, one behind the other.

‘Soon buddy, soon!’ or so I hope as I have to study for my trigonometry test that’s on Monday.

‘Mary,’ he begins, ‘can I stay up until Zach comes home?’

I look at his little face and can’t help but say, ‘sure thing!’

I accidentally splash him and he retaliates. Soon we are having a water fight, destroying the bathroom. I don’t really care however, as his laughter is like a drug…you just keep wanting more.

I say to him to go and pick out what PJ’s he wants to wear as I wrap him in a towel when the water fight ends. I look down at myself and realise I’m soaking wet and have no choice but get into my own pyjamas after I mop some of the water off the floor with the hand towel on the hook beside the sink. With the majority of the water up, I put the towel and Ethans clothes in a pile outside the bathroom.

When I enter Ethans room I can’t help but regret telling him he could pick his own PJ’s as he had taken the bulk of the third drawer down from the chest of drawers that holds all his clothes out.

‘Buddy,’ I say, ‘what are you doing?’

‘I’m looking for my spiderman PJ’s! he answers innocently. I help him look and eventually, at the bottom of the drawer, there they lay. I hand them to him and finish drying him off with the towel. I begin to replenish the drawer as I hear, ‘uh oh!’

I turn around and laugh. He has his head trying to come through the hole for his arm which I fix in a second. Then I have to break the news to him that his pants are on backwards so he takes them off and I help him put them on the right way.

As he is dressed first, I ask him to see if ducky needs a bath in the washing machine as he is covered in tomato sauce from the pizza. Ethan reluctantly says yes, but I know from experience that he can’t sleep without him so make a note to self to wash him tomorrow.

With his pyjamas back in the drawer I go into my room and put on mine.

‘Do you fancy a movie night buddy?’ I ask Ethan who answers ‘yes!’ with enthusiasm. He shuffles down the stairs, me on his heels with all of the dirty clothes and I tell him he can pick out which one. With the clothes in the washing machine, and the popcorn on, I am excited to see what DVD he has picked out. Our family still use DVD’s for the sole purpose of Ethan. He likes to watch movies over and over again so every time my mom brought him down town, they would go to the charity shop which had hundreds of DVD’s people were getting rid of, and let him pick one.

He has three in front of him as he sits like a little buddha on the rug. We decide to play eenie meanie, and end up with Despicable Me. I bend down to put it on and we high five as I commend him on his choice. He puts the other two into the rack, and the microwave dings.

‘Popcorn!’ I say and tell him to sit up onto the couch when I go get it.

We snuggle up together and he’s asleep before the end. I had never seen Despicable Me before, but it’s one I would definitely watch again!

I look at my watch….10pm. Zach was supposed to be back hours ago. I contemplate moving Ethan but realistically, he’s too heavy for me to carry him up the stairs. I’m exhausted and knew that if I were to try and study, nothing would go in, so I curl up next to him and fall asleep myself.

 

The slam of the front door wakens me and I slowly open my eyes. Zach is standing there staring at us. I carefully get up off the couch and drag my brother into the kitchen, furious.

‘Look Mare I’m …...’

‘I don’t want to hear any of your excuses!’ I say through gritted teeth. I look at my watch and its 2am.

‘Seriously though I….’

‘You what Zach, you forgot you had responsibilities now?’

‘No I was just…’

‘Do you know how my day started?’ I ask.

Zach sighs…’lay it on me!’ he says rolling his eyes.

‘I had back-to-back tantrums all morning and most of the afternoon.’

‘But Ma….’

‘He was so tired after those tantrums that he fell asleep during one!’

Zach hangs his head. ‘If I could ju…’

‘Then he asks me if I’m going to go away to work too!’ my bottom lip begins to tremble and my eyes fill up with tears.

‘Really?’ Zach asks sitting down at the table.

‘Yup!’ my body begins to convulse as I start to cry.

‘Oh Mare, I’m so sorry,’ Zach says enveloping me in a hug. I let out all my frustrations towards my mother by having a good cry. I can smell the alcohol on his clothes but I don’t care anymore. I’m just glad he’s back now!

‘I’m so sorry you had to deal with all that!’ he says sincerely, ‘but practice went long and then me and the guys went out for pizza and one thing led to another before I found myself at a party!’

I looked up at him, my tears beginning to subside.

‘We’re going to have to get our shit together Zach because in there is a very frightened little boy! He’s traumatised at what our mother has done to him and is petrified of losing us!’

‘I know Mare and I’m sorry!’ Zach says again. ‘I wasn’t even drinking!’

‘Zach I can smell it off you a mile away!’ I look up at him doe eyed.

‘No, seriously I wasn’t. Someone accidentally knocked over a table and the alcohol spilled on top of me!’

I looked at him sceptically.

‘My body is a temple right now and I didn’t want to drink because I knew coach Hux wouldn’t approve!’

I pulled away from him. ‘You mean to tell me that you went to a party and didn’t drink?’

‘It’s the truth!’

‘So how come you couldn’t call and tell us you were going to be late?’ I asked, the tears starting up again. ‘That little boy has been asking for you all day and is only asleep on the couch because he asked if he could stay up to see you!’

Zach put a hand on his chest. ‘Really?’

‘Yes really! He missed you today!’

Zach hung his head in shame. ‘Did he really ask if you were going to go away to work?’

‘Yes!’ I answered, ‘he’s petrified of losing us!’ I let that sink in. ‘We are all that little man has in the way of family and if we want to stay together, we need to learn to communicate better!’

Zach nodded in agreement. ‘Do you accept my apology?’ he asked.

‘Yes!’ I said angrily, ‘but I’m still pissed at you for leaving me alone with him all day! I have a big test on Monday and that little man needs attention all the time so we’re going to have to work out a rota or something so each of us gets to blow off steam sometimes and so we can study!’

‘Agreed!’ Zach says looking me square in the eye.

‘Now,’ I ask, ‘would you mind carrying him up to bed, he’s too heavy for me!’

Zach smiles at me, knowing I’d smile back and we hug it out.