Runaway Mother chapter 9

Dear diary,

Mary here, just letting you know I haven’t forgotten about you, I’ve just been up to my eyes. I still haven’t heard back from, you’ve guessed it, my mother. It’s been three weeks now since she’s left. God…how time flies. Her phone is still saying the number has been disconnected and my texts have come back undelivered, but we’re still actively trying to find her. The question remains however, how can you find someone if they don’t want to be found? Zach still believes she’s out there, but in my own mind, she’s long gone.

Last Friday we had to use some of our only source of income, the column, to get Ethan some new shoes. When I say we, I mean me! Zach only agreed to spend the much-needed money, but I was the one who brought him to the shoe store. It was easier to bring him to the shoe store on our way home from school because he kept saying his feet were sore and I didn’t want his little piggies to be crunched up any longer than they had to be. Had I done what my mother used to do and buy a size bigger than what he was wearing, they still wouldn’t’t have fit because when they measured him in the store, he needed shoes two sizes larger. The staff in the store discretely asked me my budget and, instead of letting him pick the expensive ones, they talked him into loving the middle of the range pair. Of course, what with the green the way it is, he needed two pairs for when the first pair get wet. Me being money savvy, got the second pair half off.

He's definitely going through a growth spurt. Pretty soon I’m going to have to buy him longer pants and bigger tops as the ones he has are just not fitting as well as they did! Maybe it’s all the noodles he’s been eating!

Zach stayed late after practice three times last week and left me with Ethan all weekend as he was adamant that he had to meet coach Hux for extra training. Only if she ever returns, my mother I mean, and that’s a big if, will he have a hope in hell of going to college. At least he missed out on the stomach flu Ethan and I contracted. Theres only so many times in the day you can wash a stuffed duck. I might try and see if I can find another one somewhere so he has a spare. I’m going to make a mental note to do that.

School isn’t sunshine and daisies anymore. I’m finding myself falling behind and its showing in my grades. I used to be a straight ‘A’ student. Now I’m achieving B’s when I’m lucky. The urge to study isn’t there to the same degree, and when I do happen to get a minute to myself, I try and savour it, knowing it’s not going to come around again any time soon. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ethan, but he is like a full-time job. If you take your eyes off him for a second, he’s up to mischief.

I’ve just realized that this diary entry has been all about Ethan. Maybe I need a change of pace that could come with a job. I could get out and spend time with people my own age and interact with others who aren’t four years old.

Thanks for showing me that diary!

Until next time!

Mary.

 

As the morning routine recommences and a fresh week begins, the stomach flu is finally over us, touch wood. Zach meets me in the upstairs hallway just as I’m about to go in to wake Ethan and offers to get him breakfast.

‘Listen Mare, I know I’ve not being pulling my weight with regards the little man,’ he points towards Ethan door, ‘but I’m going to try and do better!’

‘Thank you!’ I say with shock on my face.

I can’t get over this. I feel like asking him where the real Zach has gone! But I take his lead and go and have a nice, uninterrupted, hot shower. I’m finished at the same time Ethan is ready to get dressed so I lay out his clothes and see what he does with them as I blow dry my hair.

When I go back into him, he’s struggling with his top again, trying to put his head through the wrong hole.

Once we’re downstairs and organized, I put his new shoes on and ask him if they feel better.

‘I can move my toes again!’ He says and it makes me feel so bad that I didn’t get the new ones sooner. Anyway, what’s done is done.

I give Ethan a kiss goodbye after Zach lifts him onto the seat of the bike and he waves until I close the door. I walk into the kitchen and see that Zach has not only washed the dishes, but he made my lunch as well. I’m impressed! I put the brown bag into my rucksack and head off.

At lunch, I meander through the hordes of students to get to the usual table where all the girls have already congregated.

‘Did you see what she was wearing?’ Anna asked as I sat.

‘It looked awful on her!’ Chelsea chimes in.

‘Who’s this?’ I ask taking out my brown bag with a squashed sandwich in it as they are all munching away at their salads.

‘Oh, don’t worry Mare, we’re just talking about Shannon O’Neill’s unofficial birthday extravaganza on Saturday. You weren’t there so this doesn’t involve you!’ Anna says as if I was gum on the bottom of her shoe.

‘Ok!’ I think to myself, sorry I had sat down.

‘Yea Mare,’ Chelsea says using her OTT hand gestures, ‘you miss all the good parties!’

That’s put me in my place. It isn’t until now that I really understand what people mean when they say that they could be in a stadium full of people and feel totally alone. I can’t help but wonder…is it me?

‘Maybe I’m not a good enough friend! Maybe I wasn’t a good enough daughter! Am I the reason mom left?’ These thoughts are spinning through my mind like a hamster on a wheel and I can feel myself getting overwhelmed. I conjure an excuse to leave once the squashed sandwich is gone and go and sit on the stairs to the gym for the rest of my lunch break feeling defeated.

Once lunch is over, I wipe away tears I didn’t even know were there and head to English class. I walk in the door and say ‘shit!’ I was supposed to have an assignment written on Romeo and Juliet, a play that I have not yet managed to finish.

I take my seat and when Mr. Patel sits down, I consider feigning illness. If I were to do that though, they would have to ring my mother. Instead, I decide to make myself as small as I can in hope that he doesn’t pick me to answer any of his questions. I have never felt so underprepared for a class in my life!

After the bell goes, Mr. Patel instructs everyone to leave their assignments in the cardboard box on his desk. I have two options; either explain that I don’t have the work done, or say nothing, do the assignment and pretend I just forgot to put it in the box. I decide to be dishonest and give myself the night to finish the play and construct a kick ass assignment to be handed in tomorrow.

 

Ethan managed to get jelly on over half of his cheek as he ate his snack. I wet a paper towel and wipe it off of his face before I go out to the hall and retrieve his backpack. It has two brand new sheets in it with today’s date printed at the top.

‘Today we’re doing eight!’ I say as upbeat as I can muster. In my own mind I’m saying ‘thank god it’s not six again!’ We did seven on Friday, just before the stomach flu began and that was ‘easy peezy’ as Ethan said. I ament sure how he’s going to manage eight so I take out his pencil and crayons and when he’s tracing the dots, I look at the answering machine to see if anyone has called about a job.

There was a message from Miss Megan that I don’t even bother listening to and nothing else. Beside the answering machine however, is my phone! I thought I had put it in the washing machine over the weekend because I couldn’t find it. There is a post it note on the back reading: ‘found this under the couch.’ A feeling of relief soars through my body. After all I am sixteen so I need a phone.

I go to turn it on but the battery is dead…no shocker there! I plug it in and the screen comes to life. I look over at Ethan and he’s still tracing the dots. The second I put in my pin code, messages come soaring in. I wait until they have stopped before checking my voicemail.

‘Um, hello Miss Fisher, this is Bob from the deli down the town, I think I also go by the name poo-poo face? Anyway, we were impressed with your resume and would be delighted if you would join the team here at Bob’s Deli. You can catch me on 038 4628 208 483. Its Bob. Thank you.’

I place the phone onto my chest and close my eyes. Tears begin to form as I think of how much this is going to impact my life! I might meet some new people and talk to those over the age of four. Don’t get me wrong, I love looking after Ethan and I wouldn’t want to work every day, but even one day a week would be good for my sanity.

I look over my shoulder and Ethan is still tracing the dots. He’s doing it very slowly and precisely. I listen to the message from nervous Bob again. I’m flabbergasted at how Ethan’s manner when I was handing in the resume actually made me stand out.

I calmly walk over toward Ethan and ask him if he needs some help.

‘It’s just like drawing snowmen,’ he giggles.

I’m not 100% sure but I don’t think he should be drawing snowmen! Something tells me he should be doing the figure eight rather than two circles. They look like eights which is a start. I’ll let the teacher correct him on the execution.

I hear the front door slam as I put the colouring part of his homework in front of him alongside some crayons. Zach bounds into the kitchen and says ‘hello family!’ In a very upbeat manner.

‘Zach!’ Ethan shouts. Zach picks him up and fly’s him around the room like a superhero before placing him back on his chair to finish his colouring.

‘Oh, were doing eight today!’ Zach comments and admires all the numbers Ethan has completed. He sees a crayon laying on the page. ‘Red,’ he says, ‘good choice!’

Ethan beams up at him. Zach rubs Ethan’s cheek with his thumb after finding some stray jelly. I excuse myself for a minute and go into the front room to ring Bob back.

 

When I put the phone down, I begin to squeal with my eyes closed and march on the spot really fast. Zach comes bursting into the room.

‘I got the job!’ I scream, ‘I got the job!’

‘What job?’ Zach asks.

‘The one at Bob’s Deli!’

‘Didn’t you say that that was the place where….’

‘…. Ethan called the owner a poo-poo head? … Yup, that’s the place!’ I smile back at him.

His face drops.

‘Are you not happy at the prospect of regular money coming in?’

‘Yea…’ Zach rubs his hands through his hair, ‘…of course, but what are the hours?’

‘Well, its every Tuesday and Thursday from 4 - 8 and every Sunday from 8:30 - 6:30.’

‘WHAT!!’ Zach pipes up. ‘What about basketball?’

‘You said yourself that I should work because you could do basketball drills here!’ I say and put a hand on my hip, ‘you were the one who encouraged me to go trolling for work!’ I look into his eyes, ‘what gives man?’

‘Basketball is just so important right now with….’

‘…. the scouts coming! I know, I know!’ I roll my eyes and look towards the door jamb. There, standing, listening is Ethan.

‘Why are you fighting?’ his little voice asks.

Zach closes his eyes tight and says, ‘shit!’ under his breath before turning around to reassure Ethan.

‘We’re not fighting buddy!’ Zach says.

I go over to him and crouch down to his level. ‘Ethan,’ I begin, ‘sometimes older people say stuff loudly, but it doesn’t mean they’re fighting! Does it Zach?’

‘Not at all buddy!’ Zach thankfully agrees.

‘Please stop saying stuff loudly because it makes my head hurt!’

‘Ok buddy!’ I reassure him and give him a big hug.

‘Have you finished your homework?’ Zach asks and smiles at him.

‘Yup!’ Ethan answers with a satisfied grin on his face.

‘Can I see?’ He asks before Ethan begins to pull on his arm leading him towards the kitchen.

I decide to stay in the living room to give the boys time to bond. As I glance in the direction of the couch, I see a book sticking out of the cushion. When I go to investigate, I notice that it’s my Romeo and Juliet. I start two pages back from where I finished on the previous attempt of reading it. Once I’m in the groove, dinosaurs, cars, ducky, nothing can stop me. I end up shedding a tear at the end, but I had previously seen the film with Leonardo DiCaprio so I knew the gist of where the story was taking me.

I ask Zach if he can do dinner for Ethan and leave me be for a couple of hours. I have an idea of a twist on the assignment. I take the laptop upstairs, remembering the cable, and not only do I answer the question and throw in some quotes to reinforce my answers, but I go further, deeper into the characters and their little quirks.

I press print just in time for Ethan’s bath.

‘Where’s Zach?’ I ask.

‘He’s printing something!’ Ethan answers matter of fact.

As he strips off his clothes, I run the little guy a nice hot, bubbly bath. These bubbles are more like foam in comparison to when we washed the dishes. We play with the toy boats and the lonesome dinosaur until the water temperature isn’t cozy anymore.

I wrap a towel around Ethan and he goes into his room, the dinosaur in his hand.

‘Don’t let the dinosaur eat your nose!’ I shout in after him as I dry the floor in the bathroom with the hand towel. I throw it in a pile to bring down to the hamper.

After I dry Ethan, I take out his favourite spiderman pajamas and they are bordering being too small. This is something we’re going to have to do…buy Ethan new clothes. Where the money is going to come from, I have no idea. All I know is that he needs them!

I take a peek at the label inside his PJ top and it says 3-4 years on it. That means I’ll have to buy 5-6. I can vaguely recollect seeing a second-hand store down town where all the money goes towards a new pediatric wing in Angels Memorial hospital. You’d be amazed at the quality of some of the stuff that’s donated. I’ll have to pop over to see it on my break one Sunday to see what they have. There is no way we can afford anything new. Besides, apart from shoes, anything second hand will do.

After reading Goodnight Moon, I can see Ethan’s eyes roll back into his head and settle him for the night, ducky clutched firmly in his arms.

 

I slowly descend the stairs and join Zach in the living room.

‘I put your assignment on the island!’ he says without taking his eyes off the tv.

I’m sick of this bullshit and decide that we are going to talk….and now! I grab the remote from his hand and turn off the tv.

‘What did you do that for?’ he says, ‘I was enjoying that!’

‘That’s the problem,’ I start, ‘you get the opportunity to enjoy things while I on the other hand have spent all day and night with Ethan the whole weekend and three days last week!’ I give Zach an opportunity to respond.

‘I’ve been working hard too!’ he says. ‘It’s no joke doing suicide drills and push-ups all day!’

‘I would love to have that opportunity of feeling like I’m on a team. Right now, it feels like I’m on a deserted island with Ethan!’

‘What are you saying here Mare?’

‘I’m saying that like it or not, I’m going to be gone on a Tuesday and Thursday from 4 – 8 and every Sunday. You are going to have to sacrifice things and pull your weight as a part of this family!’

‘Look, give me a week and I’ll get a night shift somewhere so that you can look after Ethan and I can still play basketball!’

I looked at him as though he had two heads. ‘Does it not occur to you that, oh I don’t know, maybe want a life of my own as well?’

‘What?’

‘I’m saying that I’ve already taken the job and it starts on Sunday!’

‘Selfish cow!’ he mutters under his breath.

‘Excuse me?’ I begin, ‘I’m the one who has looked after Ethan every day and most of both weekends for the last three weeks! I understand that last weekend you didn’t want to catch the stomach flu, so for that I’ll grant you a pass, but there’s only so much you can talk to a four-year-old about! I need to be out meeting people, and not stuck in a house raising my younger brother. I need to be able to chat with people who aren’t four!’ I wipe the tears rolling down my cheeks with the sleeve of my top. ‘I need to get away from all this for a few hours on a regular basis and you have to start pulling your weight…and not just in the mornings!’

Zach sits up and looks at me with guilt written all over his face. ‘I didn’t know you felt like that!’

‘Well, I do!’

‘I’ll ask the preschool to keep him for an extra hour and leave practice early!’

‘No! Preschool closes at four! Missing practice two days a week won’t kill you! Plus, you can do your suicide drills in the driveway. Wasn’t that the reason mom put up a basketball net over the garage anyhow? To let you practice at home?’

‘What if…’

I put my hand up and stop him mid-sentence. ‘No more what if’s! This is happening, so deal with it!’ I say and storm out of the room. I run upstairs and lay on my bed and cry my eyes out. How can this be my life?