Mudbath! (The Ultimate Day Trip Of All Possible Day Trips!) by Alfred N. Muggins (from his recent holiday in Marmaris, Turkey!) Part 5 : At The Mudbath at Dalyan!

May 2022

Written 17/5/22 (11/7/22)

     As always Alfred could not just go straight into the mudbath, as many of the boat passenger tourists were doing. He had left his bag on the communal table with the rest of the family’s stuff. But he would have to answer the call of nature before he did anything too exciting. It did at least give him the opportunity to check out some of the facilities attached to the Mudbath Complex!

     Alfred went to the toilet block, next to where the open air showers were attached to a wooden frame with a roof. This was the place where the mud would be washed off after he went into the mudbath! The toilets were quite civilized really, here in this strange mixture of Turkish backwater, ancient evocation, and otherworldly strangeness. Alfred’s imagination was surely running wild, and he was sure he would continue to have imaginations about this place for the rest of his life!

     As he returned across the stoney ground towards the café and tables area some of their fellow boat passenger tourists, who had already been in the mudbath, and were largely caked in the mud, had already reached and started the showers to wash the brown/ slightly greenish? mud off themselves, but as he walked back, flocks of them, like zombies from the mudbath came towards him, thankfully peacefully and not deranged, like normal chatty tourists having fun, doing something just a little silly, that they would never have normally imagined that they would do in their normal lives of doubtless efficiency, bored repetition, and dull regimentation! They were letting their hair down, so to speak, becoming like children once again (some of them were, but most were definitely adults!)

     What they actually reminded him of, particularly the pretty women of all ages, was the green or mud coloured inhabitants of new humanoid, or human-like alien planets in Star trek. They were strangely seductive and fetching in their underwear and covered and smeared in thick mud. The keenest people, men and women had even smeared the brownish/ slightly greenish mudmix on their faces! (As Alfred had his prescription sunglasses on, and would not have been able to see the stones on the ground as well without them, he made the very sensible decision not to put any mud on his face or sunglasses if he could help it when he went in the mudbath! Hopefully that would not cost him his immortality?)

     Alfred went back into the café and tables area, under a large roof, where the rest of the family had their clothes and bags. Teenage grandson and the younger grandsons were there with their mother (daughter in law!). (They would not be going in. The younger ones were too young for immortality it seemed, and teenage grandson didn’t want to get covered in mud, which was very useful, as he could watch over the two young ones and the belongings, while the adults had fun, which it hopefully would be, whether it resulted in immortality or not!)

     Alfred took his clothes off, leaving his swimming shorts/trunks on underneath of course! Carefully he took his watch and sun hat off, and considered briefly whether to take his wedding ring off. Mrs Muggins had just had her rings cleaned at the hotel jewelry shop the other day, and she had declared already that she was going to take her rings and her new earrings off before going in the mudbath, because the magic mud would probably discolour the rings and earrings!

     But Alfred just couldn’t be bothered, and just couldn’t think where it might safely be put! He decided it was a lot safer and a lot easier just to wear the damn thing! ‘Sorry Mrs Muggins,’ he whispered to himself, ‘I did not mean to risk the shine of my (our!) wedding ring!’ He just did not want the complication of it! At least he would be able to keep an eye on it on his finger, as long as he did not get too much mud on it and lose sight of it. (He didn’t want to be like Smeagol in Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit, losing his precious ring in the mud or the dark, for it to find its way to a new, more adventurous owner, such as Bilbo! Such rings could have a mind of their own, as such eminent people as Isildur and Smeagol had found out to their cost (or good fortune, depending upon which way you looked at it!) It would surely be a very bad omen for his and Mrs Muggins’ marriage if he were too lose it, or discolour it!)

     Then he only had to worry about his precious sandals. He saw that near the entrance to the mudbath a lot of people were getting hosed down by an attendant. Most of them had left their sandals and flip floppy shoes in that area before going in, but the footwear was getting wet as the attendant did his hosing! So Alfred left his around the entrance corner where some people had left theirs, which were all dry.

     Alfred went through the entrance to the low wall of the mudbath and gazed into the murky pool – it must not be very deep because some people were in there, and it did not go over their knees, unless they sat in it. He sat on the low wall and swiveled over, getting his feet in into the muddy water. He stood, and took another step forward, jarring his foot on the next step as it was a step down which he had not expected. He hoped he had not scratched his foot, but it felt a bit that way! No one had told him there were steps in the murky light brown soupy water. You could not have seen them.

    “How many steps are there?” Alfred asked his wife’s son number 1, who lived with them, and who had come in with him. He wasn’t sure either.

    Someone nearby (he could not now recall who!) said there were three! (A great song about three steps by Lynyrd Skynyrd sprang to Alfred’s mind, not initially as events occurred, but later on during the editing process!)

    “There should be a sign, or someone should have warned me!” complained Alfred! “They wouldn’t allow this in Health and Safety UK! Or P.C. UK!” added Alfred as an afterthought, even though people of all races and nationalities (and genders!) had been sharing the muddy water! (Later he saw there was a pretty small sign nearby, which did warn of three steps down under the water (mud?) level, which naturally he had not noticed in the rush to the mudbath, with so many unfamiliar things to weigh up!)