60s Tea and Oranges

Dear Leonard,

Let’s set the record straight—you’ve painted me as some mystical gypsy, weaving together odd brews and riddles, but let’s be honest. I found you standing in the middle of the street, staring at a stop sign like it held the meaning of life. You looked lost, Leonard, and maybe a bit enhanced, so I thought I’d be kind and save you from getting run over.

I took you to my place, gave you something to bring you back to the real world—plain and simple. Next thing I know, you’ve got us dancing around like lovers in your song, which, I have to tell you, I do not appreciate.

This, Mr. Cohen, is the last time I ever do a good deed. So, if you don’t mind, please leave me out of your romantic reveries. I’ve got an actual day job and a husband, and neither involves soul-saving, tea-leaf reading, or somehow telepathically telling you I love you. This whole song business could be damaging—not just to my work reputation but also to my marriage.

Warm regards,
Dr. Susanne Rubenstein