The real meaning of 80 MPH

OMG!

I had to close the page halfway through - couldn't bear to see that man's smug expression for one more second. I think I preferred the bloke ramming his wheelchair down a lift shaft. Not sure what that says about me though!

I want to marry her, actually, i think I did once!

I wonder if they are still married........

Sadly not, they got divorced in 2010, he married a stripper from Kansas, she married a Nuclear Scientist from the UK. She now works as a advisor to David Cameron.

Geez I turned it off 20 seconds in- what a geek that guy was. I could have punched him!I could have punched her too. Stolen their car and driven to San Francisco in 32 hours at 100MPH and seen some of Kerouac's America- that would take me back in time to 1940's where time was time.

I really want to believe that she was taking the mickey. But I don't believe that. On the other hand, I'm sure I must have demonstrated simiar levels of dimness at points in my life. So, let he who is without stoopidity cast the first stone.

Actually Footsie, it was 11 days lost (in England) in 1752 (2nd Sept was followed by 14th Sept) I think. Mind you, you may be right about it being 10 days in parts of Europe cos they did the change earlier. It's one of my favourite bits of useless info cos it's part of the explanation as to why the Tax year ends on 5th April. The first day of the ecclesiastical year (and the tax year in those days)was 25th March (Lady Day) but the tax man wouldn't give up the 11 days tax so the start of the year was moved to compensate. The thing about year starting on 25th March is also quite interesting (QI) in itself. I understand that the count of Anno Domini (when it was defined by the Church) was taken back to the point at which Mary supposedly became pregnant assuming Christ was born on 25th Dec. Anyway, while we're talking about this kind of thing, here's another one - If you travel between two points at an average of 30mph, what speed must you go on the return journey to average 60mph over the full distance there and back? Helvigo Jenkins

Seven and a wobbly one

Boom-tish!

Yep, Footsie, you win a cigar. Just so long as you don't smoke it at 30mph or 44 feet per second or even instantaneously. And while you're at it, please take the elephants out of your cars 'cos I can't get the giraffes in. Helvigo Jenkins

OK, Footsie, let’s see … I think there are two questions here. 1. Let the distance between the two points equal D miles. At 90mph, the full round trip takes 2D/90 hours. You’ve already used up D/30 hours on the original journey, so in order to average 90mph, you have to cover the full distance in (2D/90) less (D/30) hours. Simplifying, this becomes (2D – 3D)/90 hours or a minus amount of D/90 hours. Therefore you have to travel back in time by the equivalent of D/90 hours or 4D seconds. It’s difficult to be precise, and though he would only use his best guess when James Kirk orders it, Mr Spock would propose accelerating to as close as possible to warp factor ten from a known distance from the primary, large enough to allow the necessary adjustment to be made, and negotiating a sling-shot round the sun so that the time taken to travel the distance at light speed is reduced by a factor of 4D seconds. “Simples” as you might say. 2. Now this supreme and mighty being wants me to do the journey at an average of zero miles per hour. This necessitates being at all points of the journey at the same instant. Unlike you, Footsie, I would assume that the Supreme Being is female as that has been my experience in this vale of tears we laughingly call The Universe. Perhaps I don't get out enough? Anyway, the Supreme Being can be everywhere at once (or so she tells me) because she is omnipresent as well as being omnipotent, omniscient and rather good at multi-tasking. Therefore, I need to usurp her position and become the SB in her place. I would challenge her to a race but as she is the SB and I a mere slow-moving tortoise-like male human she will accept the challenge, be confident of winning and would surely allow me a small handicap start of 10 podes. I would then point out to her that by the time she has travelled those 10 podes I would have travelled a further 1 pous. Then, by the time she has travelled that one pous, I shall have travelled a further fraction of a pous. When she has covered that fraction of a pous, I'll have moved on further and so on. Therefore, I will have proved to her that she can never catch up with me. The crucial point is that she has an ‘Achilles heel’, as it were. As she is female (like the girl in the original clip), and probably learnt her mathematics under the tutelage of an Ancient Greek mathematician, she will be uncomfortable with the concept of infinite series and probably wouldn’t acknowledge the existence of zero in the first place. Anyway, contemplation of this paradox will cause her mind to explode and she’ll be reduced to spending the rest of eternity shopping for shoes and handbags and watching re-runs of Friends on Dave. Thus, I’ll be able to take over as the Supreme Being – and when I do, I shall call myself Zeno. Helvigo Jenkins

Ah to toil and toil and be no faster than a toilster or tortoise and no more SB than TS Eliot. Twas snidely toads etc Need a new pair of shoes after all this trolling from A to B- have no driver's license so must walk- no need for MPH- it's cms pr mile and from Aberdeen to Mehico I'll hitchhike on the Milkyway and use Gypsy droppings as spiritual fuel and organic fertilizer. Don't speak to me- the SUN IS SHINING.

No stole the word from a Norwegian troll Stan while riding a trolley car...