Dinner Parties

God I can't believe she's here. We invited Ted "and guest", but for
god's sake, he should have known he couldn't bring just anyone. I can't
believe it. She's going to ruin everything - and I poached salmon
especially. Have you seen her eat? She'll make us the laughing stock,
Graham. She has to go, you have to get her out.

OK Thank you - I'm calm now. I don't need the bag to breathe anymore,
but thank you anyway. Perhaps you should serve the hors d'oevres - some
of the guests will be hungry by now and my vol-au-vonts are to die for.
Don't forget the sauce but DON"T put it anywhere near HER. She'll make
a mess, we can't let anyone see that.

There's no other way, Graham. You'll have to kill her. She'll never
leave. She'll destroy everything. I know she will. She's always hated
me - can't stand the fact that I make better coleslaw and that you and
I have matching luggage, including one of those little vanity case
thingies - she's green with envy, I just know it. And she hasn't got
her initials embossed on anything!

If we ask her to leave, she'll kick up a fuss and blame me and accuse
of being prejudice Everyone will hate us. We won't be invited to anyone
else's parties and be alienated from society as we know it. Nothing
will be the same my love. But if she stays, I know she will ruin
everything - she's here for revenge and either way we lose. Unless we
take action now.

You have to do it Graham. Be strong - you know I would if I could, but
she'd expect that. You're perfect.
You can lure her into the kitchen and then............ bite her head
off - but don't swallow it, I don't want you to ruin your appetite, I
spent hours working on this meal! Then, wrap her in a web and stick her
on the ceiling - we can have her for breakfast with some french
toast.

Snap to it, Graham. I'll not have a hissing cockraoch at one of my
dinner parties.