Bed Time......................................5

I said
"Could we hold hands?"
He said
"Why? That's for children."

I said
"Could I have a cuddle?"
He said
"Trust me, we'll get there quicker like this,
I know what I'm doing."

He knew everything
that was important
to him.

He looked at me
with eyes half closed in cool concentration,
as if trying to master
a new remote control device for a tv;
a different model, yes:
the same buttons to press
to get his favourite programme
instantly.

I tried to be like a woman in a movie,
but the more he pressed
the more remote I became:
soon
all I could give him
was static

so he pulled the plug.

I thought this
might be a repeat,
but

when I told you I was scared,
you answered
"I understand, let's hold hands."

When I said I was cold,
you replied
"I want to give you a hug."

When I cried I didn't know how,
you explained.

When I scolded it was too early
for what you wanted to see,
you hushed me with "There's no rush."

Now, as I lie awake in bed,
you inside my closed eyes,
I realise
I've passed the watershed,
lost my fear,
wish
you were really here