Eight Thousand People Turned Up For the Homecoming

style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">8000 People Turned up for the
homecoming.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">I'm going to give this one a go. I'm
going to do it. Not that I haven't given the other ones a go don't get
me wrong but this time I'm going to nail
it.

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How long have I got? 30 minutes. What's that? Half an
hour. Prefer the thirty. Sounds longer. And five minutes for planning.
Might use the five minutes for planning for writing. After all, I'm
always telling people to go with the
flow.

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Right, what's the
title?

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'8000 People Turned Up For the
Homecoming'.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Shit!

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Couldn't they have thought up something better than that?
I mean. It doesn't lend itself to storytelling does it? No wonder my
previous efforts have been so lacking in imagination. They're trying to
destroy me.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Who thinks these things up
anyway? Mark. Doubt it. He's busy story catching. For this read - down
local pub chatting to regulars. Liana. She's in the discussion forum
fighting about top up fees. I mean, why bother? Spend your energy
running braless down Skegness pier. Does Skegness have a pier? Make a
note for myself. You're never going to get anywhere in this writing
business if you don't take facts seriously. You have to stop winging
it. That leaves Tony. Yeah, must have been him. It has a certain bald
truth about it.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    '8000 People Turned Up For The
Homecoming'.

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Christ!

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Why not, 'The day my baby
turned into a dinosaur.' Or, 'I tried to leave the room but the
telephone was stuck to me ear.' Or 'I'm sure when I left this morning I
was 5' 2'''

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    They are titles that all lend
themselves to something.

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For example, 5' 2'' is such a specific height. As soon as
you mention something like that I mean you've got action.

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"I go to the kitchen and I open the drawer and I take out
a ruler."

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Brilliant!

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Action is the first rule in
storytelling.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Ok, so now we've got action.
The drawer is open. What's in the drawer? A fish. How did a fish get in
the drawer? It was on holiday. What kind of fish go on holiday?
Tropical ones. What do we know about tropical places? They have strange
diseases. That's it. The fish has brought a tropical disease with it
and the protagonist has shrunk.

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But what would a fish be doing on
holiday?

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Maybe it wasn't on holiday.
Maybe it was on a plaice-ment.

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Oh Cod.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    15 minutes to go. And I haven't
even started yet. I thought I wasn't going to think on this
one.

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I'm not.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Here goes.

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'8000 People Turned Up for The
Homecoming'.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    I mean I never think about it.
I read somewhere recently that proper writing takes place on a
subconscious level. Or was it an unconscious one? That's true. I never
know what it's going to be about until I do it. You just need that
first sentence. From that first sentence everything just follows
logically. Every story has it's own internal logic; even if it's a
loopy one.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    But then I'm not a proper
writer am I? I'm just shallow. A gentle humorist. Raises a chuckle.

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Am I not
serious?

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Now, don't get depressed.
That's why you do this, right? To fight off your
demons.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Right. Hold yourself together.
Concentrate.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    '8000 People Turned Up For The
Homecoming.'

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Ok, so what does that say to
you? It's rugby, isn't it? Rugby team go to Australia. They come back
world cup winners. Story about man who goes to airport. He loves rugby.
He gets to see his team. He shakes their hand. The whole team. Each and
every one. He realises dreams are
achievable.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    "GARY!!!" I'm shouting
downstairs to my boyfriend. "GARY!!! JUST SHOOT ME NOW WILL
YOU?"

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Ok, maybe not. Something
else.

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8000, that suggests a lot. What are there a lot of?

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Ants.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Like it.

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Story about ants
then.

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So who is coming home? Hmm. Could be an ant army. They
fight. But that's too obvious. Everyone knows ants have armies. Take a
different take.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Ok. How about an ant magician?
A magici-ant is coming home. But who is going to see him? And where's
the conflict? And who is the protagonist ant going to interact with?

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Second rule of storytelling, conflict. Third rule. Someone
to conflict with.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    So that's it.

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Two ants going to see homecoming of the magiciant. The
conflict is; one ant doesn't want to go. Why? Because the magiciant
made her boyfriend disappear. He was an ant who sold novelty doorbells
door-to-door. Why did the magiciant make the novelty doorbell salesant
disappear? Because he discovered the door to the magic ant kingdom that
only the magiciant had the key
to.

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Ok, so the two ants go. On the way they are arguing about
the magiciant. The one whose boyfriend has disappeared has no proof
that it was the magiciant who did the crime but as the magiciant is on
his podium she realises she has her chance and sneaks into his
dressing-room and she
discovers?.

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Yes!

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Brilliant idea! Love it. That's
what I like about all this storytelling. When it comes together it's
just magic.

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Yes, she
discovers?..

class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-FAMILY: Arial">    Oooops. Thirty minutes is
up.

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Out of
time.

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