Healer

The Healer

Winter had come, its icy fingers bringing to a halt the momentum of
life. The trees were bare and their empty branches looked like gnarled
fingers pointing in all directions. It was quiet, no birds singing, no
bees and flies buzzing, not a sound.
Everything had been brought to a standstill. It was the season of ice,
and the power of stillness. Summer was sleeping waiting for the
fairmaden of spring to awaken her again.

Thomas Fielder walked the silent empty woods. Every now and then he
spotted some conifers. He admired them, their branches were green all
year round. They stood in stark contrast to their naked brothers. They
stood in defiance against the snow queen, their spirit was indomitable,
tough and hardy.

Much like Tom, he was tough and hardy. Five years ago he had been
involved in a nasty car accident. It had left him scarred, his face
horribly disfigured. In the accident he had severly burnt the right
side of his face, and lost his eye. He had a hole were his nose once
had been and his mouth was crooked and difficult to use. To people who
didn't know him, he looked frightening.

He had been a young handsome, up and coming man with great dreams and
aspirations before the accident. He had a good job with a decent wage.
He was engaged to a beautiful woman whom he was due to marry. But all
that changed.

He recalled been in the hospital, Rachel had come to visit him. He
tried to talk to her but speech was difficult. His face was bandaged,
he remembered her look of horror when she saw him, how that look had
hurt him. She kept averting eye contact. She was hiding something.
Silently she sat there and her face betrayed what she was thinking. She
didn't love him anymore, he knew, he had known for a long while, long
before the accident, but he had not wanted to believe it. When she
left, Tom wept, bitter lonely tears in the pillow of night.

His friends though had been a great strength to him. They came to visit
once or twice a week and told him the news and tried their best to
cheer him up. It was hard because Tom found it difficult to speak
through his damaged mouth at first. It took around two years before he
could use it properly again. So he did most of the listening.

When the time had come for him to be discharged from the hospital, his
best friend Carl came to pick him up and give him a lift home. When Tom
opened his front door he had to push through a pile of letters and junk
mail, to get in. The place felt cold and deserted, and it had a ghostly
vibe about it. It had sat empty for the past three months, whilst he
had been in hospital. Nobody to walk its rooms or fill its walls with
music. It felt strange, kind of eery. But it was home nonetheless and
he was glad to be back in its security again. It was a place where he
could relax and begin the difficult process of piecing his life back
together. He lit the fire and put on the kettle and began sifting
through the mail.

After reading through bills and bank statements and letters from
relatives who lived abroad, he picked up a small white envelope. It had
Rachels handwriting on it. He opened it, inside there was a card with a
picture of a butterfly on it. He opened the card and read what was
written inside.

' Thomas I am sorry to do this. I was meaning to do this before the
accident, but I was afraid.
But seeing you in the hospital made me realise my true feelings for
you.
I cannot marry you, not now, not ever. I do not love you, its not your
fault, I have found someone else. I am sorry.
I have gone away to start a new life.
Enclosed is the engagement ring. Please don't try to contact me. I
think it is for the best if we both go our separate ways.
I wish you all the best,
take care of yourself

Rachel. '

Tom felt pain crease his insides. He fumbled around the envelope and
out fell the gold engagement ring he had bought her. He placed it on
the table and stared at it through tear stained eyes.

He sat there in silent melancholy, he felt drained of spirit.

He went to the bathroom and looked at his reflection in the mirror.
How would he ever be able to live his life again. Now that the bandages
had been removed, he could see the full extent of the damage. He looked
grotesque, like something out of the living dead.

Him and Rachel, it was beauty and the beast, only in this story beauty
didn't love him. And he wasn't going to change back into some handsome
prince. In anger and frustration he punched the wall, then the tears
came. He fell to his knees and wept.

From then on Tom cut himself off from the outside world. He didn't
bother to go back to work again, and he hardly went out anywhere with
his friends. And so began the process of isolation, and solitude. He
became a recluse. He felt too ashamed and embarrassed to go anywhere,
wherever he went people would stare at him. It was hard not too, his
disfigurement stood out. It made him feel self-conscious and
uncomfortable. Every now and then a group of lads might poke fun at
him, shout some abuse. This made him feel angry, but he kept it to
himself, not wanting to cause trouble. He wished people would realise
that he was a human being, who had feelings. He had the same hopes and
dreams, the same needs as everyone else. The only difference was he
looked different. He wished some people would understand how hurtful
their words could be.

That had been five years ago. Tom had learnt a lot since then. He had
learnt to accept what had happened to him, he had learnt not to think
of himself as a beast. These past few years Tom had completely changed
into another person.

It started to drizzle and Tom decided he better turn round and head
back to the monastery before it turned into heavy rain. There had been
a lot of heavy rain that year. He had been caught out by the weather a
few times and it was no fun coming home and having to peel off layers
of sodden clothes.

As he made his way back he heard a strange noise which startled him in
the quietitude of the woods. It sounded like an animal in distress. He
made his way to where the sound was coming from. Eventually he
discovered the source. It was a squirrel, writhing on the floor in
pain. He looked above it and discerned that it must have fallen out of
the huge bare branched oak tree. "Hey little fella," he said,"You
fallen out of there?"

He walked over to the squirrel and knelt by it. It immaediately stopped
writhing and became deathly still in his presence, Tom moved his hand
over it without touching it. The squirrel began to shake a little in
fear. "It's ok I won't hurt you, jus tryna see whats wrong with
ya."

He closed his eyes, and opened his heart. He felt the spirit stir
within him, a warm energy glow in his lower abdomen, just below the
naval. It moved and began to permeate his whole body, till Tom felt
like he was made up completely from particles of light. He sensed were
the squirrel was injured. It had broken one of its legs. Tom didn't
want to leave him there like that, it would probably die.

Tom opened his eyes, and focused his attention on the squirrel. He felt
the energy gather into the palms of his hands. "Now you get up and be
more careful in future when your climbing trees." He said out loud. He
felt the warm healing energy leave his hands and bathe the
squirrel.

The squirrel suddenly rolled over onto its feet and darted off into
the underbrush. Tom watched it as it made its way effortlessly up
another tree about ten yards away. He smiled, he felt a little drained,
he always felt drained every time that happened. But it was a nice kind
of drained, he felt peaceful, closer to God somehow.

The rain began to fall heavier now, Tom pulled his hood over his face
and carried on back to the monastery. As he walked back he remembered
the first time he had ever healed someone. It had been two years ago,
on a bus on his way home.

As he had sat on the bus he had witnessed from his window a horrible
accident. A man was stationed above the road fixing a shop sign. He was
stood near the top of a ladder. Then suddenly some school children
running across the road without looking. A lorry driver slamming on his
brakes swerving to avoid them, skidding out of control and a
bloodcurdling sound as it ploughed straight into the man on the ladder.
Then everything seemed to go in slow motion as the man flew over the
lorry and landed on his back in the middle of the road. The lorry
skidding to a halt, the driver shaken stepping out of his cab and
running over to check on the young man.

Lots of people running about the street and gathering around the man.
Blood was pouring from a deep gash in the side of his head. People all
around with mobile phones calling for help.

Thomas watched helplessly from his window. "Does anyone know first
aid!" A man shouted from the crowd. Tom knew first aid, he waited to
see if anyone would respond. But nobody responded, so feeling tense and
knotted within he got off the bus and approached the crowd of people.
Because of his disfigurement they looked at him strange, some backed
away in fear. "I know first aid." Tom said gently.

The silent crowd backed away and let him approach the man. The mans
head was split open and not only blood was coming out but it looked
like there were bits of skull. His neck looked horribly twisted and Tom
guessed that it was broken. Blood was coming out of his mouth. He
cleared some of it out and put his ear to it to listen for any signs of
respiration, there weren't any. He gently placed his hand on his chest
to feel for respiration, nothing. He checked his pulse, but there
wasn't one. Tom gulped away the fear. This man was a goner.

A young woman was stood nearby watching, in her hands she clutched a
tiny baby. She was upset and she looked into Toms eyes, Tom couldn't
betray what he felt, she saw from Toms eyes that the man was dead. She
suddenly began to cry horribly and uncontrollably. People nearby tried
to comfort her, Tom realised that the young woman was the dead mans
wife and that the baby she was holding was their newly born son.

Tom felt tears well up in his eyes. He was witnessing a tragedy. He
started to feel anger well up within him, why? Someone so young, dead,
a young widow, a baby who will grow up to never know its father. why?
He began to desperatly want to do something. He felt so
powerless.

Then the sirens came and the first ambulance arrived. But they were
un-able to get through the mass of cars that blocked all the exits to
and from the road. They had to park the ambulance some distance away
from the accident and make their way to the man with a stretcher. It
seemed as if this young man was out of luck, even the ambulance
couldn't reach him.

It was then that Tom began to feel the warmth in his belly for the
first time. Like mysterious power stirring within him. It happened
suddenly, he felt it move around his body, till he felt like he was
made up of liquid energy. A strange voice spoke within his heart and
told him to place his hands on the man.

Hypnotically and trancelike, Tom obeyed. He knelt down by the man, the
feeling of the warm energy growing stronger within him. He felt it
focus in the palms of his hands, they began to shake with power. "Place
your hands on him.." The voice commanded.

Thomas placed his hands on the young man. Then it was like he was
suddenly connected to that young man. He felt his energy become one
with him. It poured out of his hands like electricity. He saw scenes
from the young mans life flash through his minds eye.

The ambulance crew arrived to tend to the young man, but Tom was
unaware of them. One of them touched Toms shoulder to get him to move,
and then pulled their hand away in shock. The young man began to shake
under Toms hands, then his eyes opened and he suddenly inhaled very
audibly. Tom felt the connection subside and the energy leave his
hands, he staggered back from the man.

The young man sat up slowly, and looked around him confused. The young
woman stopped crieing and stared in dis-belief, then when she realised
that what she was seeing was real, her face looked happy and relieved.
She ran over to him. She couldn't believe it, nor could anybody else
believe it. People were stood around looking completely shocked. "That
was some first aid mate!" Shouted somebody nearby. The young man got up
onto his feet, there was not a mark on him, he had been completely
healed. The girl wrapped her arms around him and he kissed her softly
on the head.

Tom smiled in wonder and joy. He felt an immense peace un-like
anything he had felt before. Then suddenly the world began to spin
around him and he felt faint. He sat down on the curb, feeling very
weak. He looked up to see the young woman, baby and the man hugging
each other and it touched his heart. Then the blackness came and Tom
passed out into unconsciousness.

He awoke to find himself in a hospital bed, but he felt different.
Something within him had changed, he felt cleaner. It was hard to place
what it was. He had contacted something divine and that contact had
made him realise there was more to life.

Some of the doctors quizzed him about what had happened. Tom told them
the truth, they didn't seem to believe him. Or didn't want to believe
him. The young girl and the man he healed came to visit him, and they
thanked him and left him a gift, it was a beautiful necklace made with
semi-precious stones.
Tom wore it with pride and from that moment on he developed a new
passion.

He began to get interested in spiritual things. When he was discharged
from the hospital, he went down to his local library and borrowed many
books on buddhism, mysticism, Christianity, shamanism. He read through
them till late at night.

He began to attend local meetings in his church. One evening on seeing
a blind woman. He felt the warm glow stir within him again.

Hypnotically he walked over to her, people nearby looked in horror.
Because he looked quite frightening to them in his trancelike state.
"Leave her be." Someone said, not really understanding what was
happening. But he didn't listen and took the womans hand in his. "Who
are you?" she asked.
"My name is Tom."
He felt the energy focus into his hands again very powerfully and the
woman shook as the electricity flowed through her. "Get away from her
freak!" Someone shouted. Suddenly her eyes sprung open, to the surprise
of every one.

She looked around her, in wonder like a child seeing the world for the
first time.
"What&;#8230;. Oh it all looks so strange. So marvelous and
strange."
"I can see." She said, "I can see."
Tom stepped back from her and smiled. He felt peace inside and a deep
contentment. He felt weak again, though not as weak as before.

He sat down to recover whilst everyone around him praised Jesus for the
miracle. Tom remained silent, he wasn't sure if he believed in Jesus,
he kind of had his own personal beliefs he had created himself. He
decided it would be best to keep his thoughts to himself.

Every Sunday he healed the sick there, to the amazement of the people.
Word got out all over town that there was a healer and he became famous
and people sought him out.

Every Sunday there would be people walking into the church with
crutches or in wheelchairs. And at the end of the meeting everybody
would walk out.

He was interviewed by the local press and his story was printed in the
local paper. And the sick and disabled people from all around town came
to him to be healed. The church became crammed full of bodies. He had
gone from loner to celebrity and he found being a celebrity harder to
deal with than the loneliness. He began to crave for his solitude
again.

After a while the healings began to exhaust him. Some nights after mass
healings he would stagger home and barely make it up the stairs to his
bed. It became a trial for Tom. He couldn't go anywhere outside his
house without been mobbed by people wanting to be healed.
It began to drive him mad, and he began to grow afraid of the crowds.
It felt like they were suffocating him. The crowds were getting
hysterical and there would be many hands reaching out to touch him.
They looked like wraithlike figures wanting to drain him of his
power.

He came to the point were he could no longer cope. He was feeling
exhausted and began to grow protective of his gift and became paranoid
of the crowds. He started turning people away, telling them to go home.
The people started to get angry. What had started as a blessing was
fast becoming a curse.

Then the voice spoke within him, "Leave here." It said.
" Go, for there are too many to heal, they are growing restless. If you
don't leave soon they may kill you."

So Tom left that town. He didn't tell anyone where he was going. He
left his house and his possesions in secret one night and went to live
in a monastery deep in the countryside. It hadn't been a hard thing for
him to do. There was nothing else he desired now, other than to live in
peace and contemplate the finer mysteries of life.

He kept quiet about his gift from then on. He didn't want to face the
terror of the crowds again.

Occasionally when Tom was out and about he would heal someone in need.
But he wore a deep hood to disguise himself and when the person was
healed he would dissapear. So that noone knew who he was. He liked it
better that way. He was in control of his gift then. He healed at his
own discretion, and not at the demand of throbbing crowds.

The rain began to pelt down. He could barely make out the monastery in
the distance. But at least he could see it. The rain was beginning to
permeate the fabric of his coat and he knew he was going to be soaked
before he got back, he accepted his fate. "I am hardy like these
conifers!"He proclaimed in a loud voice to the sky. "I do not
care."
The wind picked up and blew the trees around him. But he carried on
walking defiantly.