Eight Thousand Turned Up For The Homecoming

It was down
to this, then; years of preparation, months of training, weeks of sweat
and endeavour, grinding out results in the preliminaries, and now down
to one last move in the dying seconds?the whole world watched and held
its breath as the ball rose and spun, reached the peak of its graceful
arc against the blue Antipodean sky, then fell to earth, its trajectory
sealing the joy or despair of millions!

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"> style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Of course, that's a
load of bollocks, but it's the sort of thing my editor
wants.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt"> style="mso-spacerun: yes"> "Hyperbole's the
greatest force in the world," he tells the cub reporters, "and, don't
forget, clich? sells like hot cakes!" Unfortunately he pronounces
"hyperbole" to rhyme with "maypole", but the sentiment's
there.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">Anyway, it's
bollocks because the vast majority of people in the world - everybody
in China, India, America and the whole of the African continent, to
name just a few, couldn't give a toss, but, as Sports Editor for the
Tyneside Tootler, it's my job to pretend otherwise. And, moreover, it's
One Of Ours, Johnnie Watkinson, who'll be scooping the glory, so I
ought to be grateful, especially as the local soccer scene's been taken
out of my remit and handed to Nigella Dumpster, our gossip
columnist.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">"Get down there
and meet him at the airport," the chief ordered. "It'll be your best
story since Sunderland got relegated!" Sunderland, by the way, is
Wearside not Tyneside, and its miserable citizenry are not, by any
stretch of the imagination, Geordies. Got that? Congratulations, you've
just avoided a good kicking the next time you venture
north.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">Heathrow, four
in the sodding morning. All right for Simon Barnes and Ian Wooldridge
and co who can get a taxi back to their chic penthouses, but for me
it's a four-hour slog back up the M1. Meanwhile Grace, our Features
Editor will be warm and snug in bed, she only has to get in and
interview Johnnie's girlfriend before the Fleet Street mob can get
there, which means that mid-morning will do. "My Flicking Finger
Fantasy", that's the title she has to work
to?

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">The airport's
bloody heaving, and the arrivals lounge is packed solid with weary
bodies awaiting the overnight long-hauls, fortunately the Sydney flight
is more or less on time. And, finally, at five to five, out comes
Johnnie, blinking with surprise at the hordes straining against the
barriers; I push my way through and grab his
suitcase.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">"I hadn't
expected this," he
gasped.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">"Oh, yes, flight
from Karachi's due in around now," I explained. "There must be eight
thousand Pakistanis here waiting for their relatives." I'd been trying
to count the throngs of brown faces in an effort not to drop off to
sleep standing up.

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class="MsoNormal" style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"> style="FONT-SIZE: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt">"By the way,
congratulations on winning the Subbuteo World Cup!" style="mso-spacerun: yes">      

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