Unfinished - I Give In

I give in. I give up. I gave you everything you wanted; time, space,
affection, and understanding. You have smeared them with your arrogance
and wiped my face in the greasy remnants. Well now I'm having a moral
bath. I'm watching your scum on the surface of the water as it is
sucked out of my life and down into the slimy pipes of the sewer
system. You belong down there with all the other rats. I should have
let the plug out a long time ago. I should never have filled the bath.
But life continues to pulse through my newly cleaned self and I am
starting again, again.
It was your idea. You rang me and you said 'I really miss you.' That
was it, there and then, I fell in love. I had spent the last few months
on the edge of the pool, dipping my toes in our conversations and cups
of tea and casual drinks. You dialled my number, said the words and
pulled me in at the two-metre mark. I couldn't love you. It was just
lust. I had finally managed to remove the straight jacket of the
long-term relationship, which had strapped itself to me somehow over
the last three years. It had taken nearly six months to undo the
buckles and I needed the rest. You didn't. You needed someone to play
with and I was there, primed by a summer of 'being there for each
other' and 'just good friends.' You moved two hundred miles away and
then you pressed play. Player one, the king of players, the champion of
this game had just selected me. I was fucked. Literally.
What you wanted was sex. That's what I wanted too. The game worked for
us both except that you only wanted sex and I loved you. You knew I
loved you. You knew when you got bored that I would be hurt and yet you
wanted sex so you played the game. And I tried to win by not loving
you, by making myself believe that I didn't love you. I even wrote post
it notes to myself. It didn't work. You are very good. You scored on
all the special levels and used every cheat mode available. Top score.
Six months later and she really loves you. Now to win the bonus prize
and beat the boss, TRUE LOVE, just destroy her. Two weeks after your
best time together, when you've made her believe that you're closer
than ever before and you might actually have feelings for her beyond
groin level, you must come home and finish the game. You were fairly
original in your approach. You told me you were back, but not how long
for and you didn't ask to see me. You told me you wanted to see me but
you needed some time with the boys first. You didn't ring me. You went
back without telling me and then when I rang you, you were still
pissed. I was losing strength, but still alive. I told you to go fuck
yourself. You're a cunt. You won. Game over. But you didn't leave it
there because although I was nearly beaten, I was not yet destroyed.
You left it a day or so then you made your final shot count. It was
accurate, calculating, an enviable strike for any player. You rang me.
You apologised for the way you had behaved but not for what you had
done. You didn't want things to be 'shitty' between us. You denied that
grovelling was necessary. And you laughed.
Since then, you have been trying to turn our relationship from simmer
to off. You are an arrogant bastard. I hope your penis shrivels to the
size of a peanut and is eaten by a particularly sharp-toothed chimp. I
hope you decide to have your testicles waxed and they are removed on
the wax strip, which causes you a grotesque amount of mental and
physical pain. I am trying not to be too bitter about all this. I am
trying to remember that we used to be friends and that we are still
essentially the same people, so why do I loathe us both so much? It's
your fault. You rang me. I gave in. I give up.