Guilt

Guilt

An ugly feeling deep in my stomach
Like a sharp-edged stone swirling around
And if it draws blood then I deserve it
I can cough it up and draw my
Apology in red on the ground
On the walls on the trees on everything around

Tears sparkle my eyes and my vision blurs
I didn't mean to say it I didn't think you heard
And I wish I could take back all the cruel words
And swallow them down
And suddenly the boundaries are coming down
I'm catching my own guilt in my hands

I shouldn't have said that I didn't mean it
It was just a spur-of-the-moment falling down
I didn't mean to say it quite so loud
I'm sitting here with both feet in my mouth
And my conscience is screaming far too loud
I think my eardrums are going to burst

Because guilt is a heavy crown
And my head hurts - it's weighing me down
I'm holding my hands up to my mouth
Trying to force an apology out
But it won't come
Whatever I've done to you
You hurt me first.

Jennifer Pickup 14.55pm Wednesday 30/01/2002