Xplanation

"People are always going on about the difference between Black and White." said the Knight. "Well is it not obvious ?"

"Err, em, err..."

"White goes first. That is the difference, the only difference!"

"I'm sick of this chess set!" A voice boomed out. "It never makes any effort!"

"Sounds like God is not pleased about something" said the Knight. "Well I don't care! What's He ever done for me - that's what I want to know?"

Suddenly I was talking to a large statue on the checkered floor and feeling decidedly nervous.

"Don't worry." said a voice "It'sss none of your conssscern."

I suddenly noticed a very well dressed snake.
"You don't look well." he said.

"I seem to be having trouble with reality." I replied.

"What isss reality?" asked the serpent.

I remember mumbling something or other - some inadequate notion about concensus of opinion backed by empirical evidence - I'd got from philosophers, scientists and other great time wasters.

"Reality isss what you believe." hissed the snake...
and I knew he was right!