Emotional Abuse - The Slient Epidemic

This article is for all of those who need to find courage to stop violence happening to them or their children. It is for all those who suffer in silence. It will be the first of other articles regarding this epidemic that is so common in our society.

I have learnt recently that no creature deserves to be disrespected. Even the slightest compulsion, domination or any form of control or power is undesirable and unacceptable. There is no excuse for any person to indulge their pride or vain ambitions on another person. It is up to us as individuals to choose whether or not we will continue to carry on with the power and control game that destroyed our lives. It is up to us to stop the cycle of pain.

There are many ways in which a person can be mistreated. The most common types of power and control are of course physical and sexual. These are the crimes that are reported on the news and through other media. There is one more type of abuse that goes unnoticed at times, that is the one that is the hardest to recognise and to escape from – that is emotional abuse.

Power and Control Wheel
Using intimidation–Making the other person afraid by using certain looks, actions, gestures Using emotional abuse–Putting someone else down, making them feel bad about themselves
Using isolation–Controlling what they do, who they see and talk to,using jealousy to justify actions
Minimizing, denying and blaming–Saying “you made me”–taking it lightly
Using children-Making the other partner feel guilty about children,using children to relay messages
Using privilege–Acting like the master of the castle, treating the other like a servant
Using economic abuse–Controlling the money, not allowing access to family income
Using coercion and threats-Making and, or carrying out, threats to do something to hurt the other person or their family.

There are many different things that can fall into this wheel.
There is of course another wheel. It is the ideal– of course we are human, and we get angry, upset and say things, but there is a difference between treating someone with equality and being violent.

Wheel of Equality
Non-threatening behaviour–Talking and acting so that each person feels safe and comfortable
Respect–Listen to each other non-judgmentally, being emotionally affirming and understanding
Trust and Support–Respecting each other’s right to own feelings, friends, activities and opinions
Honesty and accountability–Accepting responsibility for self, communicating openly and truthfully
Responsible parenting–Sharing parental responsibilities, being a positive non-violent role model
Shared responsibility–Mutually agreeing on a fair distribution of work
Economic partnership–Making sure both partners benefit from financial arrangements
Negotiation and fairness–Seeking mutually satisfying resolutions to conflict

There are of course agencies in the community that deal with all types of abuse. Don’t be afraid to take action if you or a child is in danger of being harmed in any of these forms.

For those who have been or are victims of this type of violent crime–be brave, and know that you are worth something–Your soul is precious.You are never alone. Help is always there – have the courage to seek it.
©Katrina Fankhauser-Claydon