Trying to understand

trying to understand
you God
without judging you
tying things
together, trying
again&again
to understand you.

am i just here
for your glory? what
about my problems,
the traditions I've inherited,
things I haven't known...
i hurt deeply inside
desiring so much to be righteous
but always
failing.

the world is your word,
your story is
that human beings sin
and fall from the grace
of God, through Christ
we are restored. The good
shall live and the evil
shall disappear.
The Cold War is over.
the good and the evil
did terrible evil.
It seems we are all damned...

We need a new saviour
to understand how to piece all the things
together
that fell apart
when the Cold War started,
everything has fallen apart.
I seek to love you Lord,
but you alone are good.

I hurt. I feel so much pain
I feel paralyzed by the accident
of truth. It really blew me away.
God, can you heal my pain?