Touch me

By jennifer

Fri, 16 May 2008

2867 reads

7 comments

Touch me (16th May 2008, 12.53pm)

Touch me
Watch me
Talk me out of it
Take me
Want me
Get on with it

Your touch, right through me
Current burns through skin and flows
Down every pathway, straight, drawn in the nerve
With blood
Occasional, professional, never sensational
No duration or intention

Your look, right through me
Pupils churn my stomach into butter
Melt down every sinew, sure, scratched in the heart
With want
Flirtatious, boundaried, never intentional
No connotation or sensation

Your words, right through me
Conversation turns things on below
Charged down every synapse, pure, fills rushed blood
With heat
Intelligent, stimulating, never boring
No mention or invitation

Touch me
Watch me
Talk me out of it
Take me
Want me
Get on with it

Certificate 15

Poem

Something for the Weekend (May 2008)

Love

Comments

I really liked this poem,

Permalink Submitted by BeamsAndVoids on Sun, 2008-05-18 02:58

I really liked this poem, the language was very effective and the start and ending worked together well.

I liked this too, but I did

Permalink Submitted by onemorething on Sun, 2008-05-18 19:24

I liked this too, but I did wonder whether the repetition of blood worked since it didn't seem to be for emphasis (unless I'm mistaken?) and one word that stood out was 'boring'...I'm not sure it works poetically in this context? But that may be just me. I particularly liked the rhythm of the repeated first and last lines.

This poem made me want to

Permalink Submitted by HaiAnh on Sun, 2008-05-18 23:11

This poem made me want to dance out the words. Great.

Thanks, LawofTheOne, glad

Permalink Submitted by jennifer on Mon, 2008-05-19 13:24

Thanks, LawofTheOne, glad you liked the circular aspect! Ahh, Doeslittle, I seemed to have mislaid my words at that point - can you suggest another for 'boring' to be substitued with? And completely overlooked blood being used twice - perhaps 'veins' or 'cells' or 'pores'? Suggestions welcome! Thank you, HaiAnh, yes, I hoped it was rhythmical for once after my usual disorganised free verse!

Very sensual poem. The

Permalink Submitted by luigi_pagano on Mon, 2008-05-19 20:37

Very sensual poem. The following lines: Touch me Watch me Talk me out of it Take me Want me Get on with it well illustrate the dilemma between yielding to a throbbing passion and resisting temptation (Talk me out of it) but it seems that giving in is the preferred course of action. Very enjoyable.

You know what might be an

Permalink Submitted by onemorething on Mon, 2008-05-19 23:16

You know what might be an idea is that instead of replacing 'boring' is to cut that whole line...I really, really liked this, but those fifth lines in each stanza seemed out of place...intelligent, professional etc. Yes, I would cut the fifth line in each stanza. You would also cut the repetition of lack of intention with 'unintentional' that way too. Like veins instead of second blood. Having said that, what do I know...it was cherry picked for good reason.

I don't know much about

Permalink Submitted by Lee Crompton on Mon, 2008-05-26 23:12

I don't know much about poetry but I know what I like, and I liked this ... so thanks for sharing.