Ladies Who Lunch At The Entemol

Just hilarious, fantastic! Just one thing - a tighter structure would tie this up neatly - suggest dividing the lines in two..the layout in its present form is messy and sadly detracts somewhat from an excellent piece of work... J x

Much better, so much friendlier to the eye and the rhymes shine through now! However, would work much better with proper punctuation - I have taken the liberty: The waiter served the mermaid pie and a glass of our favourite tipple; He pulled out the cork and a wasp flew out and stung me on the nipple. Daphne asked if I was well and offered me snuff from a tin; I opened my mouth to answer her and a butterfly flew in. 'This octopus is middle aged!' I said, 'Dear, be careful to chew it.' She flared her saucy nostril and an earwig crawled through it. She quaffed and we talked, I scoffed and she squawked And ladybirds crawled through the roots of her hair, And cockchafers danced in our underwear; 'I've a bothersome rash,' whispered Daphne, as she crunched on her woodlice brulee; She pulled up her jodhpur to show me and a vine weevil scuttled away. She said, 'Do have ants with your lemon meringue, they're protein enriched with a curious tang.' I hailed the pickled waiter and asked him to hang for a tip; I opened my purse and a cricket came out and appendaged itself to my lip. I said Cheerio to sweet Daphne, who had drunk herself into a stupor; She thanked me with three jars of grasshopper jam with whole Mother Shipton and pupa. J x