Fated and Fixed

When it’s time, it’s time.
Death is fated and fixed.

I feel like a worn out shoe today. It is as if stress engulfed my whole being until there's nothing left of me. Although my soul is inspired to keep on living and my heart desires to do good things here on earth, my body feels like giving up. There is still hope in my heart and I pray that God will give me adequate rest so I can keep on doing what I was born to do. I fight this feeling of extreme fatigue with all my might. I should take things easy. I feel like I'm 50 something and that I will go any time now. Hmm come to think of it, death is something I will welcome if it is really my time.

You just can't do anything when death stares you at the face. When it's time, it's time.

When I first saw a patient die, I felt a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart. There was a lump in my throat although I don’t know the client personally. I swear I could have cried if my clinical instructor wasn’t around. I held back my tears instead and I said to myself that it was a hospital after all.

People with all kinds of diseases and health problems naturally go there and the inevitable happen. The medical staff can only do all possible helpful interventions, but there is no more beyond that because life is over when it’s over.

I guess realizing the impact of death in people's lives is a part of coming of age. Maturation in itself is not a simple matter. We don't celebrate birthdays and automatically gain the wisdom relevant to our current age. It takes experience and faith to mature. Maybe I am maturing now that I realize what death really is. Fun and silly things were all I could think of when I was young. Now I see death in a different light.

I’ve changed my outlook in life since I became a student nurse. I empathize with the helpless patients in the hospital. I put myself in their shoes and treat them as best as I can. Fortunately, my nose got used to the smell of the hospital, to the smell of patients, and to the smell of disease and death. Unlike before, I no longer hesitate to come close to patients, smelly or not.

I feel so mortal when I take my 8-hour shift in any ward of any hospital. Patients die. Young and old, they die when it’s their time. Even the most expert doctor can’t do anything with a flat line.

No matter how health conscious we are, something will eventually go wrong with our body. I’m not saying that we should stop taking care of our bodies because we know that it will deteriorate in time. We should take care of it for it’s the only body we have, the temple of our soul. All I’m saying is that there are things we can’t control. We grow old. Death, the inevitable, should always remind us to take each day as if it is our last because no mortal person can tell us when our last day will be. People die at the blink of an eye.

Life on earth is a test. Although we wake up each morning only to go to work or to school and it may feel like routine, let us not forget the reason of our existence. We are here to love and be loved.

God wants us to be happy on earth. Let us have fun, be happy and be contented with simple things. Even when we are meant to have pleasurable lives, we must also keep in mind that work makes us grow and learn new things. Let us balance work and play. We must use our time wisely. Let us not take people for granted. Let us love our parents, our kin, our friends and the other people who love us. Let us take care of our environment. Let us do goodness on earth without asking for rewards. Let us give our best in every endeavor. Let us not do unto others what we do not want done unto us. Let us not plant hatred in our hearts. We must repent our sins.Learn to forgive. Enjoy each blessing. Let us share our earthly blessings especially to the poor. We can’t take those blessings to our graves after all. Let us not judge others. Let us clean our thoughts and actions. Have faith and take time to pray even when the day is busy. Let us humble ourselves before God and His people. Let us be kind to one and all. Let us love God and accept Jesus as our savior.