Lust: A Terzanelle

Cherry

By emg32

Sun, 10 May 2009
  • 2681 reads
8 comments
 

You smile at me with a shy visage,
My heart rises, sinks, defies gravity,
I’m warm enough to mold your image.

I want to kiss your throat, that sweet concavity.
Blanket you with words and kisses and skin,
My heart rises, sinks, defies gravity.

I want to taste you, salt and chemicals and sin
as I sit by your bed, chin on my knees.
Blanket you with words and kisses and skin.

I don’t care, lean over and whisper obscenities,
let your body lead me to doom,
as I sit by your bed, chin on my knees.

You exhale smoke in a stuttered plume,
watch me shake though slitted eyes.
Let your body lead me to doom,

and blot out this moment of rain and soft lies.
You smile at me with a shy visage,
Watch me shake through slitted eyes;
I’m warm enough to mold your image.

Certificate 12
Poem
My Work
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by Geoff Smith on
Very nice emg32. It certainly feels 'accomplished', though I can't explain exactly why. I really liked it. What's the difference between a terzanelle and a villanelle. I had a go at a villanelle once, and the forms are certainly similar. The difficulty is in avoiding a stunted rhythm that can arise out of repeated lines. Even the most famous of poets seem to struggle with this aspect of the form, and I think you've done a pretty good job of keeping it flowing here, so I think that qualifies it as a success. Good stuff. Thanks. JM.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by emg32 on
Thanks! I do love writing terzanelles, but most seem to come out, as you call it, "stunted." As for the differences, terzanelles are a kind of modified villanelle; actually, a combo of the villanelle and terza rima. Unlike the villanelle, though, it's not as repetitive as the villanelle can be; the second line of the preceding stanza is the third line of the next one, so it's less repetitive.

Submitted by Geoff Smith on
Thanks for clearing that up for me emg32. Look forward to more.

Thanks for reading. I am grateful for your time.

Submitted by sunshine on
I'm impressed - I think it's so hard to write within such confines.

Submitted by emg32 on
Thanks! It is a fiddle-y little form, but I like to use form at times to see how well (or not) I can operate within the constraints. I adore writing sestinas. Although I've not yet written a successful one, they do provide a lot of material to work into something that sucks less.

Submitted by Sikander on
I love this. It's been haunting me a little so I thought I better leave a comment. The form seems to actually aid the flow and music of the poem rather than hinder - as so often happens! - and at the same time the vision of the piece is, as I've said, haunting. Brilliant work.

Submitted by emg32 on
Wow, thank you so much! It makes me want to try this form again, actually.

Submitted by Matt John on
A terzanelle is a poetry form which is a combination of the villanelle and the terza rima. It is nineteen lines total, with five triplets and a concluding quatrain OR a total of sixty-six lines, consisting of twelve triplets and a concluding quatrian (for good measure, some say). This thirteen-stanza form is quite rare in English literature, when compared to the 'standard' six stanza alternative. The rhyme scheme is as follows, with bracketed letters representing individual rhymes: Verse 1 (a) Verse 2 (b) Verse 3 (a) .... Really here described is fantastic and i really amused by reading this; Blessing! Matt John !------! spam removed

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