Lord, help me

i am fragile, vulnerable
a slave to my feelings
which drag me on and on to inaction
just chewing the ends of
an event, a thing that endlessly bothers
me.

an emotion that eats away at me, i wonder
Lord
why i am bugged to death by such an emotion...
it drags me on and on and makes me weak.
why is it i so long to belong
to this world when
there is such a better world in heaven?

my whole day just drags on and on thinking
about this one thing, wondering
why this one person is really bugging me to death
when i should be going on,
not so obsessively thinking
about this one thing?

Does Jesus think so much
about Judas, no
he gives him a kiss
knows that in this life
good and evil are bound together
like lovers in the throes of ecstacy.

Lord, help me
help me not to be possessed by hate or suspicion but to do the things that are
necessary
to live honestly.
to work hard, to do everything in its season,
to not think i am doomed by a betrayer
or satan whom you defeated.
let me live an honest and separate life
free of envy and hatred.