Next time

I still remember, all those centuries ago
When you were happy just to be alive
I remember the smile on your face was there
As if nothing could take it away
As if nothing in the world mattered besides that moment in time
Right then and there, that very second
That very beat of your heart was all that mattered
That your blood kept swimming and your eyes smiled with you

What happened so long ago that you cannot bring those feelings back?
What happened to a time when existence was easy?
When the fight for survival was a simple one?
Why did everything have to change so quickly?
Where did all my friends go?
Who are these monsters in their place?

I don't like it anymore, I want to leave this curse behind
To fall asleep and not wake until this storm has passed
To hibernate through the bitter winter
To wake up somewhere new
To make the next life count double this situation
And I won't mess the next one up

I'll keep my mouth shut, keep my eyes to the floor
I won't let myself build a bridge towards happiness
Only for it to crumble under the weight of my baggage
I’ll cross that river another way, fighting off the creatures that hide beneath the surface
I won’t stop swimming, paddling, fighting
I won’t be pulled under by demons again
I won’t be drowned in sorrow
My blood won’t draw nearer more enemies

This time I’ll survive
And I’ll see you on the other side

Hands drenched with sorrow touch one last time
They’ll be white again soon
The shade they used to be
Back when there was a time we felt alive