Without you

A familiar landscape emerges. The hazy hazes begin to clear and earn a mist like quality. My eyes open and take in the wet moisture that looks like spray on the floor of this emotional lagoon or swamp near a sea of regret. It is deathly quiet here in the land of my fears.

I came to this dream in waking. I could smell the ocean and the salty taste on my tongue reminded me of a place I once saw in your eyes. You shone brighter than any sun I have ever seen. Emblazoned in glorious fire, glowing like a phoenix. My world was consumed by fire and flame. I suffocated. My air and light was extinguished before I was ready. Left to bear in the ashes of your existence.

In this deathly calm I yearn for the chaos, the life of my pain. The heat of my blisters, the bloody tears that they should not have come to an end. I slept with my fears and carried them wherever I went. Fed them on your presence…My sins. My lost sun and air and water and earth. A universe of a perverse mind, grooming tragedy for the aisle of ignorant bliss.

I don’t want to see anymore, be anymore without the distraction. I don’t want to believe that my world ended and yet I remained immortal. Alone . Let there be a plight to last the ages of my existence that I never feel this mist and the glow beyond it that sustains the life that remains after death.

Lay with me once more amongst the shadows of angst that used to border the uncertainties of our well founded conceptions of in the end arbitrary notions. Be in appropriate and unkind. Take a step closer to securing all my insecurities in place in a grand vice of shamelessness. One ought to be ashamed once in a while. Make me forget why.

The rivers reflected your vision here, now not even shallow pools remain. The residual effects of climate change in this unbalanced environment, this alien landscape, all nonexistent. My eyes adjust and I see it in all its’ frighteningly beautiful splendor. A vast open space that is so full though it is empty. I wait for the echo of your name but there are no mountains, no other voices. I hear nothing but my own breathing so soft that it is hardly audible and I know that this new world was born with a new queen. And so it is as it was meant to be… without you.