I Have Lost Those

I have lost those,
who I tell myself,
were never really my friends.
Whom I feel never truely knew me.
whom were decieved by others,
or led,
by their own preconcieved notions,
by my own failings.

In the end, they were not my friends.
Even though my heart still says so.
My heart tells me so,
Sometimes daily, even though months have passed.
For if I held no warm feelings,
I would not feel saddened at their absence
I would rejoice,
or feel indifference.

It is not indifference I feel,
but sadness.
A first step into mild grief.

Something else which is sad,
I still consider them friends.
Even through a betrayal.
Even through an anger.
For our friendship was good,
until an argument,
until a long and lengthy unbroken silence.

It ends.
It ends here.
In memories,
In convoluted feelings,
In opinions hardened,
In lies unrefuted before the silence,
In my heart following after.

In acceptance,
It ends.