Day 6

Imagining the unimaginable
accomplishing the impossible
Dying here in life
The light of day streaming
whilst yearning for the lonesome night

The residual effects are showing
The withdrawal is kicking in
You haunt my dreams now
and in the hazy memories by day
unsuspecting, there you are
shining.

I must be suppressing something
It cannot be that easy to forget
All the bad parts, parts of what made you...you.
Did I not mind it after all?
That cannot be true
And yet here I am
having only good thoughts of you

Questions, questions with no answers
Emptiness where abundance remains
What do I do with this that I couldn't give you?
I am holding on until it poisons me
Holding on until it implodes
All the shards and shrapnel from the blast
I will tweak at them until it hurts like a numbness
Until it is all a void,
Glumness.

Better that than this light.
Better that than this brilliant valiant effort,
This martyrdom, it is just hypocrisy in denial
like stagnant waters, it breeds disease
It is like a burning that will not cease
A pain that I will not ease
A bleed
A prison with the key safely in my gut
my mind notwithstanding,
the aching.

There was more to us than these pictures
Then again you never saw what I did
Why I held on past the rational,
Why I heave now when I take a breath,
Why its tasking to be alive,
Why it is so painful to care,
Why I have to write.
Sometimes I sweetly think you never dared,
It is easier to accept than that you simply never cared.

To come and see something so bright
and remember the glimmers and the shining
And know that even in death we the living look for purpose.
Tomorrow might be different,
I do not know even if I hope that it is so
Guess for now I will just have to nurse my hollow core.