The Madonna and the Political Prisoner, Chapter 8/1

Chapter 8: AD 21

Joshua told me yesterday before he told the rest of the family. I was not surprised. Several times recently Joshua has mentioned to me that he thought that the others had forgotten. I hadn’t. I was wondering when he would make a move. He’s grown in so many ways. Sometimes I feel as though I’m his daughter instead of being the other way round.

“I have to go back to Jerusalem. You know that, Mother, don’t you. I need to complete my studying with the rabbis in the Temple. I need to talk to John. I’ll return. I’m not quite ready yet, but it’ll be soon.”

“You’ll stay for my niece Susannah’s wedding, won’t you? She’s been betrothed now for over a year and Rebecca will be devastated if you’re not able to be present. And Susannah will be very disappointed. They’re planning to wed next month. We’re all going to Kana for the celebrations as Gad, her betrothed, is local. It’ll be a big event. Cousin Susannah will come with the folk from Nain, Clopas’s sons, their wives and children, plus all our family, and I gather that Gad has a large family too. I hope he can cope with us all. It’ll be quite expensive arranging hospitality for such a number and Gad’s family are local farmers so they’ll not afford too much.”

Yes, I’ll stay and come with you. Does your mother feel up to it?”

“She’ll make an effort. It’ll be a great strain for her to get to Kana, but she won’t want to be left out, of that I’m sure.”

“She can ride the donkey cart. We’ll need that if we are all to stay in Kana for the whole of the celebrations rather than travel daily. The young ones can travel to and fro, that is if they don’t dance the night away and sleep in the open.”

Having satisfied myself that Joshua will not disappoint everyone by departing from us before the family wedding, I was neither surprised nor unduly unhappy at Joshua’s declaration. Whilst I like having him here with us, I’m impatient to see everything that has been promised come to pass. I have lived with this knowledge for so many years and sometimes have been impatient, at other times even doubting, because Joshua was showing no signs of fulfilling the destiny that I thought had been announced to me by that stranger so many years ago. But the news, when Joshua told the others of his intention, met a much more mixed response. All the boys – well I still think of them as my boys even though they’re all young men with wives and children now – they all expressed their shock and dissatisfaction, that after so many years of returning to us and being of such great help to me and the business, he should think of throwing everything away again.

“Why are you taking it so calmly, Mother?” asks James in righteous anger. He, I should have realised, would be the one to take it badly, considering his opposition to everything Joshua had done and said years ago. “He’s abandoning you just when you need him most.”

“In what way do you think I need him specially now?”

James is a bit reluctant to spell it out. He thinks I’m getting old! I know I’m over forty, but I don’t feel my age, even despite bearing seven children, and I’m blessed with good health. I have my other children around me, the girls are not far away and the grandchildren are a delight.

“Well …” James hesitates. “Your mother needs a lot of assistance and you won’t always be fit enough to do everything for her.”

“James, I’ve got you and Deborah living here with me. Joseph and Leah, Simon and Rhoda, Judas and Martha all live in the village. So do Salome and Andrew. Ruth and her husband, Simon, are not too far away. My sisters live nearby. And Benjamin and his family are here also. We are not dependent on Joshua. It is time for him to fulfil the destiny that’s been foretold for him. You should be proud of that, not critical.”

“Mother, you know what I think of that. I’ve not changed my mind. I used to think you’d gone crazy, then you’d accepted the truth as Joshua returned to us. You’ve not believed that stuff about him being the Messiah all these years, have you?”

“Of course I have. You don’t forget such momentous prophecies. Not when you’ve had the experiences I’ve lived through. I’ve had to learn patience. God honours his promises although his times are not necessarily ours. I’m pleased that we shall now see great and miraculous things happen. You’ll soon see the truth of what I’ve been saying.”

“I await events with some trepidation. If he really is foolish enough to announce publicly that he is the Messiah, he won’t last a minute. The Roman authorities will have him locked up and executed before he can cause any insurrection. Either that or they’ll see our Jewish leaders scorn and ridicule him and then perhaps the Romans will ignore him as long as he vegetates in some village in Galilee and stays out of the cities.”

“You’re a cynic, my son. You have little faith in what God has been doing throughout our history. Don’t you ever listen to the rabbis each Sabbath? Does it all wash over you? Are you a complete unbeliever in our God?”

“Of course I’m not. But they are speaking of eons of history. Not now. Why now? Why here?”

“Why not?”

There’s no point in either of us continuing to argue. We let go and talk about the practicalities.

“James, you know all there is to know about the business. Your reputation as a skilled carpenter is known in Sepphoris and the surrounding villages as well as here. You’ve got Joe whose work is renowned. You’ve got Isaac, Nathan and Matthew who are all experienced in the trade and could keep the business flourishing even if anything happened to you. Why do you think Joshua will be
indispensable here? Come on, tell me!”

“Well, you’ll miss him.”

“Of course I will. We all will. But we mustn’t stand in the way of him. Our destinies are tied up with his. Whether he is here or not, we will be reflected in the renown that he will earn.”

“Or in the ridicule and disgrace. That will reflect badly on us too. People will say, ‘Why didn’t you stop him? What sort of control did you exert as his family?”

The others didn’t say much – they were not as outspoken as James, but I knew they were sceptical and were disturbed that our routine would be broken, responsibilities would change. But they’re all preoccupied with their own families now – Joe has his two, the oldest nearly four now, Simon had his first last year and Judas’s Martha is expecting at the moment. My mother is the only one in the house who is as supportive to Joshua as I am. She doesn’t say a lot, but she gives me the reassuring look, the squeeze of the wrist when she thinks James or the others are being articulate about their scepticism. I think Ruth will be pleased too, although she won’t yet know of Joshua’s decision. The news will spread when we assemble for Susannah’s wedding.

I get a chance to speak to Joshua alone the next day when the men are busy in the workshop. I’m in for a few more surprises, for Joshua is more hesitant than I expected.

“When you get to Jerusalem, will you be revealing yourself to the priests and rabbis in the Temple? Will you be seeking their support straight away?”

“No, Mother. I’m not ready yet. I’m still learning. I need to spend more time listening to the teachers there. I need to go once more out into the Wilderness. I need to test some of my plans with John, with the community in which he lives.”

“But you have power, Joshua. I’ve watched you these last few years. You know exactly what people are thinking, you know intuitively what to say and what to do. The children are drawn to you, those who are ill or anxious, they come to you for sympathy or advice. You are patient with them, you listen. And people go away different, changed. You have a power, Joshua, even if you won’t admit it.”

“I’m not sure about it yet. It frightens me sometimes. I’m frightened of what I can do. I’m frightened of how I could use the gifts I have. They are not mine to use. They are God’s gifts. I need to know his will. I do not need the distractions around me.”

“Can you not do something that will demonstrate your vocation to your brothers? They don’t believe in you. I do. Show them, Joshua. Help them to change their minds. Help them to support you, work with you rather than against you.”

“All in good time, Mother. But don’t push me, don’t crowd me. They’ll see and have to make their own mind up. They won’t all believe. I can’t force them, just as I can’t force everyone else. They’ll see and hear me and will have to decide how to react.”

“It would be easier for yourself if you could convince them now.”

“Mother, I know you mean well. But let me find my own way. You’ve done so much, given so much love and support. But you have to let go. Trust me and trust God. It’s not going to be easy for either of us. You know that. You’ve had your suffering on my behalf. Let me be and concentrate your care now on the rest of the family. Deborah needs you. James frightens her sometimes. She needs your reassurance and support.”

“What? He’s not violent with her surely? I’ve never seen him hurt her.”

“No, not physically. But he can be harsh, intense. And she doesn’t understand his words when he’s frustrated with life. She thinks it’s her fault, that she’s being blamed. He doesn’t mean everything he says but she takes it too much to heart. Find out what’s eating him. I think he’s a bit jealous of me. And he misses his father so much. Even now.”

We leave it at that. I watch James and Deborah extra intently after that warning. I notice nothing at first, but I thought I caught Deborah weeping the other day. I asked her what the matter was, but she wouldn’t tell me; said it was nothing. Then Esther comes to me and curls up on my lap. It is so unexpected of her. She is not usually so demonstrative of affection. She’s normally a tomboy, playing with her brother and father. I cuddle her for a while. She yawns and I can see a tear drop in her eye.

“What’s wrong, love?” I give her an extra squeeze.

“Daddy hit me. It isn’t fair. I didn’t do anything. Reuben just fell over when we were playing. I wasn’t anywhere near him.”

I don’t say anything. I mustn’t undermine her father, but I’ll have a quiet word with him. I hold her for a while, give her another hug and in the end she brightens up, gives me a kiss and scrambles to her feet, and disappears out into the yard to continue her play.

Later Deborah has taken the children with her when she goes to fill our waterpots and Mother is resting. I poke my head around the workshop door and see a hive of activity. Matthew and Isaac are working together, one holding a plank of wood, whilst the other is sawing. Nathan is carrying left over scraps of wood into the yard. Joe is hunched in the corner over a lamp holder he is carving. James is writing something at the table. I beckon him. “Could I have a word, James?” He looks up but stays seated. “I indicate with a movement of my head that I wish to speak to him privately and he gets up and follows me.

“James, why are you being so cross with everyone?”

“I’m not. What on earth makes you think that?”

“The people around you are not happy. Something’s wrong.”

“You’ve got things wrong, not me. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I thought there might be something you could share with me. I don’t like to see you and your family unhappy.”

“Oh, Deborah’s been complaining about me, has she?”

“No, James, but I’ve just been watching you all. I can sense something’s not right.”

“Nothing’s wrong at all. And you can mind your own business. If Deborah wants to say anything
she can say it to me. And she’s not said anything to me at all. So nothing’s wrong, now are you satisfied?”

He is vehement. His very body language confirms my worries. But he’s not going to confess anything to me. The more I say, the less likely is he to listen to me. I’ll have to wait until he’s ready and be there for Deborah and the children. It’s coming at me from all directions. Patience. I’m not very good at waiting, but now I have it from both my elder sons. Oh well, I’ll have to learn and wait for the right moment, the right opportunity. It’ll come, I know it will.